Double-Half
or One Ten without ham

Learning via phone how bad Mum is doing... she can hardly breathe and is in a lot of pain... I remembered I hadn´t finished the "documentary" of our ... "holiday".

It was a mixture of... the try to give her memories for if/when she cannot leave the bed anymore. And to help us, Bro and me, too... to understand. So here goes from part II to the next:

The following day we had another looong breakfast. It´s very hard for my Mum to eat. Actually she said she is in despair about not being able to eat properly. So are we...

We took it easy and went to Binz by car. By golly. 1,50 €/h parking fee! And it´s off-season, too!

The promenade wasn´t as nice as expected, but the waves were beautiful.



We went into a restaurant for lunch and it was just the weirdest thing! The night before we had watched “Alice in Wonderland” and that restaurant was full of canvas of the Red Queen!

Sometimes I think I´m maybe Alice and can just pinch myself awake?

Ahhhhh, those waves, huh? (This is not the Baltic Sea)


Another seagull:


And here they have roofed wicker beach chairs also off season:


We went on to another not so nice chapter of German history. Any idea what this might be?


This was supposed to be a holiday-camp, called Prora. Buildings like these stretch for 5 km right near the beach. You can see the beach actually through here:


In the 1930s KDF aka Kraft durch Freude, Strength Through Joy planned to send groups of 20 000 people at once each for 10 days. The project was never finished, WW II came instead.


Yikes. Could you imagine spending your holidays here, packed like that?

Not far from there you have another view:


Sorry, I just so love the ocean, I can´t get enough of it! This could pass through as “art”, no?


Bro finally managed to bring binoculars – I thought, now what it this?!


Yep. Made in West Germany…

Another seagull…


That´s it for now, one last part is still due...

Saturday we got up rather early, and my… it was funny! Seemed like the city was still asleep!

So we decided to roam the shops a bit (even IKEA! On a Saturday!!! Pics are to come). In Dänisches Bettenlager I took this pic:


Simpsons-fans everywhere ;-) Sadly the items were really damaged, but I found new ones on a different rack. It wasn´t marked which was inside, LOVE or HOME – we wanted HOME and Ingo opened it up to find an “H” and an “O” – is the right thing, hence, huh?

Nope…


Hope Ingo get´s an “E” today! ;-)

The weather was still beautiful, guess the guys in here had an excellent view:



Saw the double-decker all weekend long and found it in the news today, too. It´s called the Red Baron and is the biggest double-decker in the world, impressive, huh? Ingo said, we haven´t been to the airport in a while. Yeah, we really should´ve gone! The article says all weekend long you could be a passenger and others have their planes on display, too.

This really is so darn typical for Braunschweig - afterwards you find in the newspaper what has been up. People, why not let us know before?!

Ingo cooked like a pirate on SAT, hmmm, was yum and there is still left-overs:



Yes - new Braunschweig-Shirt!


Always funny, btw, to find your name on the bread-bag written by the bakery-staff:


Sunday we slept in and after a late brekkie wanted to go for a little tour. The moment Ingo came out with his bike our neighbour arrived. He´d driven his motorbikes into a garage for winter. We stood outside chatting for an hour, and learned that the family above us and below him is moving away. Oh, yay. He said he hears the darn Basketball as loud as I and doesn´t talk to that family anymore. Aw, well, they´ll be gone soon!

Finally off we went:


And saw that what the neighbour did was the right thing – man, it was c.o.l.d!!!

Cold but beautiful:



None the less…. I brought my bike into the cellar, too, season is over :-(


Guess I´ll have to carry up the winter-tires, soon, too.

Well. So much for a nice weekend, hope yours was great as well (and a bit warmer, too).

After our "adventures" of the first day we didn´t do much, though guess for our Mum it was more than much.

It´s hard to try and step in her shoes, imagine how exhausting life might be when you can hardly breathe and are in pain.

We just wandered on the main Street of Sellin, had a closer look at all the beautiful houses like this one:


Most of them have their history in form of a sign in front (sorry it´s blurry. It was cccold!):


We stopped in a little café/bar called Zweistein´s with a sign reading e=mc² and jep:


Einstein was sitting here once, too, enjoying a cuppa.

We went on the “Jetty” again, love this old safety buoy:


And since the days sadly get shorter again… here´s a darker view back to the “country”, still beautiful, no?


Seagulls… as much as you might hate them when trying to catch fish… I love their sight:


Next day we went on a boat trip. My... it.sure.was.cold! Sunny, but darn cold with icy winds.

Still we tried to have fun:


Our first short stop was Binz, to pick up more passengers, ahhh, what a sight:


Then we went to see those famous “Chalk Cliffs”. Aw, well. I wasn´t too impressed:


This day was nearly too much for our Mum. The boat-trip took 4 hours and with that cold wind it felt like forever. You could also sit inside, but we stayed outside most of the time, the sun was too inviting. And if you have the right clothes on… right?

The sea was quite wild (for the Baltic Sea), but there was only one person in need of a barf bag and no, Bro was fine (as a kid he spent the entire trip to Helgoland in the middle of the vessel, puking. He still gets teased about it, mainly by me). Hehe...

More to come.

So, I´m back from that short holiday on Island Rügen.

Our apartment was right next to the sea, it´s name was "Findling" (Glacial erratic) which also means it has the word "found" in it in German, that kinda fit.

We stayed in Ostseebad / Seaside resort Sellin, a nice little place with beautiful houses in the typical style of around the 1920's Bäderarchitektur


After the Wall fell they renovated these beautiful houses.

Still it seems there is a West- and an East-Germany after all. We took the route via Hamburg and got hungry on the way. Hamburg-area is busy, so we thought we wait. Finally a sign that here once was the inner-German border.

The highway suddenly was of a darker material… hello? The Wall fell in 1989!

We drove on…. Finally a rest-area. But… just a place to stop. No Mc D, nothing at all. Next one… had a toilet. Next one nothing… on and on we went until finally we decided to leave the highway and try to find something in the next town. Which was nearby and had a Mc D.

Weird.

Later colleagues from "East Germany" explained to me the route was built new back then, following the towns, hence no restaurants on rest-areas. Weird, weird… you have to tell us Wessis, how are we supposed to know? ;-)

I really wonder when there will be one Germany again. Difficult, if the Wall/two countries are not only still in our heads but that obviously really there!

Anyhows… finally we saw the Sea and took the bridge to the Island. How I missed the sea!!!

Mum wasn´t well at all, but we managed to buy cheese, eggs and stuff and went to see our new home. And then couldn´t wait to see the real thing!

Just a few steps and this is what we found:


Wow, huh?! An old "Strandbrücke", a "beach-bridge" - with restaurants! There are only few with restaurants, so this is very special.

Cancer is a mean, mean thing. But my Mum looks kinda content here, no?


Luckily there was a free lift, so we had no problem heading down:


Nice painting at the “station”:


Here we are, trying to have a “good time” together:


I´m so very glad Bro did make this happen.

When I learned my Dad will die after all of that darn Cancer, Bro gave me his car so I can visit every second day.

When I arrived the first time in hospital Göttingen, my Father hardly recognized me, he was full of morphine already and practically was all the time.

There were moments, like when we were outside and Bro was walking at his side. The way was downhill and suddenly Dad realized in a clear moment that if Bro walks by his side it must be me holding the wheelchair and he got scared (we also had a lung ventilator with us which was quite heavy).

Those were silent, sad and also rather lonely times with him.

When he finally was on his way home (in an ambulance), I went to buy some special cup for him and when I arrived… he had passed away already. He just wanted to get home. And that´s what he managed.

With Mum… she gets pain-killers and still is in a lot of pain. Another parent in the wheelchair, it´s awful. But it offers us the opportunity to roam around with her and even find a Pavillion named after us ;-)


What really made me mad…

When I see people in wheelchairs… well. Then I see someone in a wheelchair. Sometimes it makes me sad.

But I never stare at them. People – and not only kids (!) stared at my Mum. Even when you could not see the part of her head that is bald now.

She is so brave. She just doesn´t care to wear a hat or something. As if to say, yeah, have a look – I fight!

We talked, we laughed… it felt like a fake at times, but still it was genuine in it´s own way.

More to come...

So. Mum, Bro and me are off to East-Germany. To the island Rügen.

I´ll take the said chicken with me. And a can. And a bottle of local beer. Warm clothes. Books. Phone. Dörte, my microwave sheep to keep me warm.

Ingo is better. Not good yet, I hate to leave him.so.much.

Guess he still loves me after all?
The guy to look at and plan our bathroom was there. He was nice, a very, very positive thinking man Ingo´s age. So calm. Sometimes I wished Ingo was a bit more calm.

Can´t believe I won´t see Ingo before Sunday.
I look so much forward to being at the sea - it´s been so darn long. I miss the waves, the sound, the scent. Bro, and Mum, too.
Chances are high we fight, though, maybe?

Can you believe this is still "East-Germany" to me, "DDR"? It is and maybe always will be. I have friends who grew up in DDR and who tell me about it. It was another world. Now I will go there for a third time.

I wish the circumstances would be better.
But then again... do you take the time with your sibling and your Mum as a mature person to go on holidays without your partner/family?
I kinda await what the outcome might be?

Talks about our Dad? Later, without Mum, talks about our not-always-nice childhood? Or will we fight? Or hug and cry? Or just be calm and content with what we´ve got right now?
Bro and me are so darn different. I´m like my Dad, he´s like our Mum.
I loose temper quickliy, he ... oh - gah! The calmest person.on.earth.
He is a goldsmith (amongst other) and makes a ring for me. Since years.

I so look forward to the sea. The waves. The water. The cold even. The wind.
It refreshes your soul.

I live in fear Ingo might fall sick while I´m away.
But then again... he is a grown man. He has his Bro´s phone number, who is a very good Doc.

Sickness... go away, leave my life, let health reign!
I never thought I´d be confronted with this so "early". Dad an all. OK.

But Spouse??!!

I´d give everything to keep him.

I loose my mind about it.

And... tell ya what.. see last post.. the glass of that stupid door popped out big. It was so much under pressure... boy. This is not an excuse for me. I´m still so mad about myself.

Won´t have internet access from there.
Will call Spouse every day (except Thursday, I got it, Ingo!).

Mum knows there is nothing to be done.
Any tipps how to help her?

You know how it is?
You put your sad, stupid thoughts down... and then Blogger fails and all is gone.

You still feel sad, mad and not like blogging anymore.
But friends/family are either sick or having fun. You don´t wanna "disturb" anyone.

The rain (pic above) is gone by now.
I still clench my teeth and this post is a lot different to the one I started.

What still is the same:
Ingo is again sick - and mad.
Mum: Mum... Ingo cannot understand...

Well... Tue we go on a (last?) holiday. Bro, Mum and me.
That happened when I was 12 the last time.
She understood this is special... cause she has no chance. For living. Ya know?
Ingo? Who knows?

I am healthy.
Like a horse, we say.
And all around me are sick.
Also Bro, SIL and Wee One (due to Pre-Kindy).

This morning all was still good.
We try to be good people.
I bought a chicken that roamed around free in it´s (still too short) life and payed 15 bucks (€) instead of 3 (!!! weird, huh?!).
Well. Ingo bought a new hotplate a time ago and along with that the whole kitchen-stuff (sink) needed a renewal.

He wanted me to do it (me!!) and got sick inbetween - fighting included - guys, ya know how it is, huh?

No chicken - can throw it away, I guess.
Haaa, why I don´t do it???
Tell me how?
This was a real chicken. With entrails and all. And even without...in my family the men are doing the cooking-stuff, I just don´t know what to do (@ Mandi, if you read along... the pie has to wait, I take receipe and forms to Rügen, maybe we get a chance there)

Ingo made me real mad - but this really was an accident! The pre-owners Daughter damaged all doors but hers and her Parent´s bedrooms....

I only threw my purse away backwards (in anger, I admit!!!) - this is what happened!! (Didn´t realise the door was wide open!)


Suppose the door was close to falling apart anyways, what do you think? This is what we bought:


I am angry at myself that now it´s worse - but... is it really my fault? Dunno. Doesn´t matter anyways.

I didn´t blog the whole time cause, well.
My life is like ### anyways.

I have a great life, ya know???

I love my job.
I love my partner (but does he still love me?)
I am healthy (but all around me are so not)

It´s those two "but"s...

That´s why I didn´t blogged/posted... do I want to remember these times?

I feel like that stupid broken door (cliché), I feel like this so long.
In working life I managed to collect over 110 bucks for a good-bye-pressie for my colleague (!! - I asked what we wanna do with the money... near to no answers!).

In private life... I feel lost for quite a while, not good enough.

But how could Spouse help me anyways? When he´s in pain all the time. Guess he is.

Yeah. See title.
And those can get weak and tiny and useless like me.

I don´t even know if Spouse still "loves" me anymore. I´m not sure if I should publish this.
But I guess.. well.. guess this is just for me anyways. Who´d like to read the stupid thoughts of mine?!

Another weekend blown away with Spouse on his couch and me alone in the bed. Then tomorrow... who knows. Hospital, not talking? I have not much power left.
But no one thinks of stupid me.

Oh! Aw, no. I really hate that Bro thinks it´s normal I get those 4 days off.
He is his own Boss (and probably loosing everything), I´m just an employee... I had 5 weeks off already this year (or more? Due to Mum) and these 4 days are it. Say thanks? Huh?

Well. Long story short... I have to be strong (for others, but who is there for me?)

It´s grey here all the time atm.
Ingo: Sick.
Ingo: Sick and angry.
Mum? It was it. It seems. I find myself between hoping and cursing.
Bro, his Wife and Daughter: lightly sick due to Little One joining Pre-Kindy.

Me: Healthy!
Like a stupid Horse (German Saying?)

I/we bought a real good chicken. Raised good and free, ya know?

Ingo bought a new hob and we needed a whole new board foe it, sink and all.
Yeah. He made me do it (I was successful) and we got in a fight, kinda, him, leaving in pain, laying down.
Long story short... the

I always take it.
How oh so often do I find myself thinking, hey, this happens again?!

This long weekend was doomed. It just was so darn clear.