This is going to be a long post and a post with pictures for those of you who don't want to read on any further. I have lots to tell you about my great awesome friends.

For those of you who read yesterday's post you know that I'm now back in Michigan from visiting my friends in Youngstown. (insert sad face here) Don't get me wrong I love and missed my family and new friends here while I was gone but at the same time it was so hard to leave my friends this time. My friends and I have all gotten so close over the last 6 months. I always hate leaving Youngstown, but for some reason this time was much harder. Maybe it was all the laughter that we shared, maybe it is the fact that after all we have gone through we realize even more how important our friendship is. Either way it sucked leaving and I can't wait until my next visit. I haven't even been back home for 24 hours and I already miss them. Bo misses them too, he keeps walking around the house waiting for one of the boys to pop out of somewhere and play with him.

I know I have talked about Lora and Jennie on my blog before and the friendship that we all have but I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you a little about each of them and why I consider them to be two of my best friends and what the three of us refer to as "Our Circle"

Let me first start off my explaining how the three of us met. First there was Lora and Jennie and they were the circle of two. Lora was the Program Manager at a local Child Care Center and Jennie was the Assistant Program Manager at the same center. Jennie and Lora became fast friends and went through everything together. The two of them have been great friends for many many years. Jennie and Lora both refer to each other as "Buddy" very rarely do you hear them say each other's real name. In the summer of 2006 I entered into the picture. Shawn and I had just moved to Youngstown and I was looking for a job. I interviewed at the Child Care center where Jennie and Lora worked. I interviewed for the Lead Infant Teaching position at their center. This was a very important position for both Jennie and Lora because they had each just had babies that would be in my room. I soon accepted the job and was the teacher of their two beautiful little boys. After I had been working for about one month I walked into their office with tears in my eyes. Jennie and Lora were both very caring and had me come in and sit down. They asked me what was wrong. I told them that I was starting to get stressed out with the demands Early Childcare can have on a person and I also told them that I was lonely. I had only been in the town for a month and I had no friends. They both told me not to get too stressed out about my job, the told me that they loved what I was doing in the classroom and told me to stick with it because it was very east to 'move up' in the company and that there would be a possibility for me to become a part of the administration team. Then even more importantly than that they told me that they would love to be my friends. That they had a circle of two and would love to add another friend into the mix. That was the start of "our circle". Who would have known at that time what our friendship would come to mean to each and every one of us as the year went on. The three of us have been friends ever since that day in their office and like I said earlier all of our friendships have gotten stronger and better since Shawn has died.

After I had been at the center for about a year Lora was offered a great job working at home. We were all really sad when Lora left but we all still kept in touch and talked all the time. After Lora left Jennie became Program Manager and I moved into Jennie's old job as Assistant Program Manager and part time teacher. During this time Jennie and I got really close our friendship really took off. We did our job at the child care center and we did it well. However, we also talked a lot about what was going on in each of our lives. We talked about Shawn, her Fiance Chris, and her boys, we also talked about me and Shawn trying to get pregnant, we talked about our lives and we shared everything with each other.

I guess I need to back up a little and explain a little about each of us and why I think the three of us are all such great friends. I will start with Lora. She is the ultra organized in the circle. She hates it when things turn crazy. She is a big time planner and lives by the calender on her refrigerator (her calendar is even color coded). When Lora works she needs things to be fairly quite. Lora does like to have a good time and can get crazy, but not in her work environment she is very structured and routine when it comes to that. Lora is by far the most organized and structured out of the three of us and can not have any clutter or disorganization anywhere. Then there is Jennie. Jennie and Lora are totally opposites of each other. Jennie is wild and crazy and doesn't do well when things are 'calm'. Jennie works great under pressure and loves to have noise when she is working. She is unpredictable and doesn't so much follow a routine or schedule of any type. Well other then bedtime for her boys, that is always the same time every night. Jennie doesn't do well when things are too neat and orderly. Once I cleaned off Jennie's desk and I thought she was going to slap me because she couldn't find what she was looking for. Then there is me. I think I fall somewhere in the middle of Jennie and Lora. I am a planner, however if something gets messed up for the day I can live with it. When I'm working I can't have things to loud, however it can't be silent either. I am pretty organized in some aspects of my life, while other areas I need to work on. I'm not the type of person who works on a project as soon as I get it, but I can't wait until the last minute either. The three of us often say the Lora is at one extreme, Jennie is the other extreme and I fall smack dab in the middle of both of them.

Fast forward with me to the day Shawn died. When I got to the hospital the first person I need to call was Jennie. I needed her there with me. She worked only a few minutes away and I knew she could get to me quick. I also knew that Jennie could call Lora and tell her what was happening and she would be able to calm down Lora. Jennie got to the ER and found me in a matter of minutes. From the time I hung up the phone with Jennie til the time she got to the hospital I don't think it was longer than 15 minutes. Jennie found me in the waiting room sitting on the couch just as the Dr was entering the room. Jennie came and sat next to me on the couch and put her arm around me. Then the Dr told us the news. Once the Dr was done telling us that Shawn didn't make it Jennie just wrapped her arms around me and let me cry while she cried with me. I had so many other people there with me in that room that day, but Jennie was the one that I needed. She helped me through the worst moment of my entire life. Jennie has since told me that sitting there with me that day and listening to the Dr. was one of the hardest things that she has ever had to go through in her life. I will never forget what Jennie did for me during that entire day.

Lora met us at the hospital just as quick as she could. She lives about 30 minutes away from the hospital so it took her some time to get there. Sometimes Lora doesn't do so good under pressure so on her way to the hospital she took a wrong turn and ended up taking the long way around town. That still makes me laugh thinking that she has lived in Youngstown for all those years but still got lost. Silly Lora. Lora got to the hospital just after the Dr had told us the news about Shawn. Our other friend Teressa called Lora and told her that Shawn didn't make it. At first I walked right past Lora and her little boy Luca, I didn't even really see them. They had gotten to our room just as I was going to say good-bye to Shawn with one of the Coach's. On my way back from seeing Shawn I saw Lora standing at the end of the hallway holding onto Shawn's shoes. I walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug. As we were hugging each other I told her, "This wasn't supposed to happen this way." She just kept hugging me. Then she asked what I wanted to do and I told her that I just wanted to go home. So with that Lora, Jennie, Teressa and Luca took me back to my house and they stayed with me the entire day until my parents made it into town at about 9:00 that night.

Even thought that was the worst day of my life the three of us still shared some laughter. When we got home from the hospital Jennie and Lora asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I was only 6 weeks pregnant but was already having morning sickness and with just finding out about Shawn food was about the last thing I wanted. After they asked me I remember just giving them both a dirty look and then walking away and sitting in Shawn's chair. A few minutes later Lora appeared with a container of yogurt and a spoon and told me to eat this. I replied with "I am not eating that and get it out of my face." Lora just kind of looked at me and walked away. Six months later I still feel bad for yelling at her like that. Next came the funny part. Jennie was looking in my pantry for something for me to eat. I told her that I wanted some Jello. So Lora and Jennie proceeded to go to the kitchen an make my jello for me, or so I thought. From the kitchen I hear both Lora and Jennie talking about how to make Jello. Neither one of them had ever made it before (the box type) and each of them had a different version of how to make it. So here is me sitting in my dead husband's chair watching the two of them make me some Jello to eat. That moment the three of us laughed about it and we still laugh about it today as well. With my direction the two of them did make me my Jello and it was one of the few things I ate that day.

The last 6 months the three of us have all gotten much closer and our friendship has changed for the better. I think we have all come to realize how short life really can be and how important we are to each other. We have all come to understand the true meaning of friendship and what it means to be a friend. The three of us have shared one of the worst things that a person can go through with each other. I will be forever grateful to Jennie and to Lora for being there for me on that horrible day and for being there for me every step of the way since then. Jennie and Lora often get the brunt of my bad days. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I have called Jennie crying so bad I can hardly breath. She is always there for me no matter what time of day or night. She listens to me cry, talks to me and tries to make me feel better. Usually by the end of our conversation she has be in tears because I'm laughing so hard at her.

I have also gotten very close with both Lora's and Jennie's families as well. Jennie and Lora will admit that they are both very protective of their Coin. However, both Chris Jennie's Fiance and Chris Lora's husband are protective of me as well. If I ever have a problem with anything I know who I can call. Jennie's Fiance is even helping me go car shopping within the next few months. I can talk to both Chris's about anything and everything. They have both made me feel very welcomed and loved while staying in their houses. I think my friendship with them has changed as well and I'm so glad that we can all get along and be one big group of happy friends.

So there you have it the story of "Our Circle" and the story of our friendship. I know as time goes on we will always be there for each other through the good times and the bad. We will laugh with each other and cry with each other. No matter what happens in our lives the three of us will always be together and we will always remain the best of friends.

The last 6 months I have also come to realize how important my friends have become to me. I could have never have gotten through this without each of them. Not only are Jennie, Lora and Megan my best friends but I look at each of them as part of my family as well. I love each and every one of them and can't begin to thank them enough for what they have done for me and what they have meant to me during the last 6 months.

Now onto some pictures of my Youngstown trip.

The three of us took a lot of pictures while I was there but this is one of our favorites. Jennie is the one in the orange shirt, I'm on the top left and Lora is the top right. I don't know why, but we all love this one! "Our Circle!"

This is going to be a quick little post to tell you that I'm back home in Michigan. I'm so sorry that I didn't' post more when I was there, but I was really busy and wanted to spend as much time with my friends as I could. I PROMISE now that I'm home I will post more often. This blog is such a form of "therapy" for me and I always feel so much better after I have posted my thoughts.

I had a wonderful time while I was in Ohio. I actually ended up staying for a few days longer than I had originally planned. I didn't really have anything that I needed to get back for and figured we were all having such a good time that I would stay for a few extra days. I was in Youngstown for one day shy of two weeks. I really can't remember the last time I have laughed that hard or that often. I believe I laughed every single day that I was there, many days there was lots and lots of laughter.

I split my nights between my friends Jennie and Lora. We all just hung out and tried to spend as much time together as we could. The three of us hung out together a few different times with the kids and then I spent "alone" time with each Lora and Jenny as well. (more on that in tomorrows post) They are the best friends that anyone could ask for. During my time there I also got to hang out with their families. Jennie and 3 boys and Lora has 1 and I love those 4 little boys like they were my own, so it was great to spend time with them as well.

While I was in town I also got to spend time with "T". The two of us really had a great time and we got to spend a lot of time with each other. We talked, went shopping, went out to eat and just spent time getting to know each other better. We really enjoyed each other's company and spending time with each other. For now we are taking it one day at a time and see what happens, but we had a great time with each other.

(Some of you have been asking me if "T" is the one Coach that I have talked about before on my blog. The answer is no "T" is not any of the Coaches that I have talked about or that I remain friends with. How I know "T" will remain a mystery...at least for now. However "T" is a great guy and we did have a lot of fun together while I was in town.)

The day before I left I also got to spend some time with some of the Coach's that I have remained close with. It was so nice to see all of 'my guys'. That entire coaching staff means so much to me, but it was really great to see the three coach's that have meant so much to me since Shawn has been gone. I also got to talk to the Head Coach for a few minutes. He shared some information with me that just amazed me. I will be saving this information for another post in a day or so. I was so touched and humbled by what he said I want to share it with all of you.

So in a nutshell I had lots and lots of fun on this visit to Youngstown. I really don't think I have laughed so hard in my life and I know for sure I have not laughed like that since Shawn has died. It was great to be back 'home' and spend time with my friends. It was nice to be back in Youngstown and have a few reminders of my old life. Even though the biggest and best part of my life in Youngstown wasn't there it was great to be able to spend quality time with my friends and to feel some of my 'old' life. However, I also know that Shawn was with me as he always is! There was many reminders of Shawn throughout my visit and many times when we talked about him. It was good to be in Youngstown and to feel Shawn with me while I was there. Even though most of my trip was fun, I did have a few different teary moments and moments where I missed and wanted Shawn, but as always I got through those with my friends.

I had a lot of fun and I really did enjoy myself. I think this trip was what I needed. It felt good to laugh, to be with my friends and to be happy again. I'm glad that I went and I'm glad that I was able to stay for a longer amount of time. I'm looking forward to my next trip and I can't wait to laugh again the next time.

I already have another post started fro tomorrow. So I assure you it will be there. I just wanted to say "Hi" and that I'm back home. I also wanted to say thank you for all the people who sent me emails while I was gone asking me if I was ok. You guys are the best, thank you for being so thoughtful to think of me. And as always thank you for reading my blog, following my life and leaving me such wonderful comments. My readers really are the best and you have all helped me more than you know.

More to come tomorrow...

See I told you I was going to update my blog today. I'm really going to make a better effort to update everyday again. I feel so much better after I 'write'.

Well I crossed another milestone this morning and it was a big one. Today at 11:37 a.m. marked six months since Shawn has been gone. I know I have said this many times in the last six months, but I'm going to say it again right now. In one way it seems like just yesterday that I kissed Shawn's lips good-bye in our drive way on that hot August morning for the last time and in another way that day seems so very far away from where I am today. Six months... what a long time to be away from the person that you loved and that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Six months is such a long time not to feel their arms around you, not to hear their voice, not to sit with them and eat dinner together as husband and wife, and perhaps the worst of all not to be able to fall asleep in their arms after a long day, look into their eyes at night and tell your husband that you love him. Six months is a long time for those things, but then on the other hand I still remember what Shawn wore the day that he died and I still for some stupid reason remember the pajama's that both of us wore to bed the last time we slept in our bed. As time moves forward I don't know if I will ever let go of these silly memories. I do know that there are many many memories that I will never ever let go of and those are the memories that help to get me through every day and those are the memories that I am grateful for that I still have.

Six months later I know for sure I'm not the same person as I was on that hot August day when Shawn had to leave me. I'm a much stronger, independent, and secure person. I look at things and view things in such a different way than I did just six months ago. I'm turning into a person that I never ever thought I would be. If you would have told me two years ago that this was going to happen to me I would have said, "If my husband is going to die, then just dig a hole next to him for me, because there is no way I can live without him. There is no way I want to live without him" As a wife it was my worst nightmare to have my husband die before me. Instead six months later I'm a person who has chosen to survive after her nightmare came true. I'm trying to live my life and to be happy instead of being upset and sad all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I still grieve and I still miss Shawn like I have never missed anyone else ever before but six months later I'm also deciding to live my life again and to be happy. I know that I want to be happy and that is a good feeling. Yes, six months later I am a much much different person, a person I never realized I could be.

For those of you who are dying to know I will also tell you that six months later after choosing to once again be happy I think I may be on my way. Things with "T" are going really well. We have gotten to spend lots of time with each other since I have been in Youngstown. We are getting to know each other more and more. He is wonderful and lets me be me. More importantly he tries to understand what I'm going through. He lets me talk about Shawn and the experiences that I had with him. "T"and I have said up front that we wanted to have a very open relationship with each other. We have both told each other things that many other people may not know. We have decided to go this route because we are not 20's playing the dating game. We are both adults who have gone through our fair share of "stuff". We are both want to be happy and have decided that being up front and honest with each other is the best thing for both of us. So I would say so far so good with the new "relationship"
"T" if you are reading this thank you so much for being you and for letting me be me and for seeing where "we" go. It means more to me than you know!

The next six months will bring more firsts for me. I will have my due date, our anniversary, our annual summer vacation, and of course the one year milestone of Shawn's death. I will face these dates like I have all the rest head on with the support from my family and the best set of friends that a person could ever ask for. Who knows where or who I will be in the next six months, I know I still have more to figure out, and only time will tell what will happen.

I know this is getting long, but I would like to share with you a conversation that I had with Jennie's 5 year old son Devin my first morning here in Youngstown. Warning...it may be a tear jerker.

Last Friday morning I woke up with Jennie and her 3 boys. I wanted to help her get the boys around for school and Devin had asked me the night before if I would be here when he woke up. Well that morning I was sitting in the chair as Devin made his way down the stairs into the living room. From the top of the stairs Devin spotted me and gave me the biggest smile ever. After he smiled at me he said "Good morning Coin" (all of Jennie's kids call me Coin, Jennie's entire family calls me Coin) After Devin told me good morning he asked if we could snuggle on he couch for a while and I being the snuggler that I am said yes. The following is the conversation that we had.

Devin: "I love you Jenny Coin"
Me: "Thank you Devin, I love you too. I'm so glad that I get to visit with you. I sure did miss you lots."
Devin: "I missed you lots too. Hey, do you live with your Mom and Dad now?"
Me: "Yup, I do live with my Mom and Dad now up in Michigan."
Devin: "Do those guys live with you?"
Me: "What guys Dev?"
Devin:"The big guys that took all of your stuff out of your and Shawn Coin's house."
Me:" No those guys don't live with me. Those were friends of Shawn's who helped me move the heavy stuff when I had to go back and live with my Mom and Dad. They live here in Youngstown like you do.
Devin: "You had to move away from me because Shawn Coin died."
Me: "Yes, Devin you are right. I moved back with my Mom and Dad because Shawn died."
Devin: "Was Shawn in a big box?"
Me: "Yes, Shawn was in a big box, it is called a casket."
Devin: "Did Shawn wear clothes?"
Me: "Yup, I put clothes on Shawn, I didn't want him to be naked?" (a little giggle from Devin)
Devin: "Jenny Coin, do you still get to see Shawn every day?"
Me: "No Devin, I don't get to see Shawn anymore everyday. Shawn is up in Heaven. I only get to see Shawn when I look at his picture or when I see him in a memory."
Devin: "Do you miss Shawn Coin?"
Me: "Yes, I miss Shawn a whole lot, just like I miss you when I can't see you everyday."
Devin: "Do you get to talk to Shawn everyday?"
Me: "Nope, I don't talk to Shawn anymore because he is up in Heaven. I only can remember what his voice sounds like in my memories."
Devin: "Do you still love Shawn Coin?"
Me: "Yup, Devin, I will always love Shawn, he will always be a very very special person in my life, that I will always love."
Devin: "Know what?"
Me: "No what?"
Devin: "Shawn will always love you to"

With that my sweet little Devin reached over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, got up and got dressed for the day, while I sat on the couch with tears in my eyes in amazement over what a 5 year old boy understands about life and death.

A little pic of me and my Devin.

So the emails are flooding into my in box asking if everything is ok with me. In one word "yes" things are going well, I'm alive and good.

I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in over a week. That is a little unusual for me but here is why. Since last Thursday I have been in Youngstown visiting my friends and running around trying to see everybody that I want to see before I have to go back to Michigan on Monday. I'm having a wonderful time and I actually have 'lots' to blog about just haven't had the time to sit down and write. I'm spending my time between two of my best friends Jennie and Lora and each of them have kids so I have been playing with the boys during at night and spending time with each of them after the kids have gone to bed.

I also wanted to let you all know another little detail about my date "T". Well he lives in Youngstown as well. I've been spending lots of time with T and things are going really well. We spent all day together on Saturday and had a great day. Like I said before I have no idea where this will go, but for now things are going very well and I'm really enjoying getting to know T more.

Oh yeah then there is this little detail that of course would only happen to me. While at Jennies on Saturday we had a little party and I started to get a sore throat, but figured it was just from being around some cigarette smoke that I'm not used to. I felt yucky on and off on Sunday and we all just bummed around the house in our p'js. It was great just to be a bum. Yesterday I woke up and felt like complete crap, yet somehow managed to make a big dinner for about 10 people. My throat was killing me all day, I still thought nothing of it, just a bad cold. Well this morning I woke up and could not even swallow. My throat felt like there was a million pins jabbing me. I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes and figured I should make a trip to the DR. I went to a little walk in clinic since I can no longer see my family Dr I once had here. Needless to say I have a gross nasty case of strep throat. Yeah Me!! Who goes for a visit to see their friends and gets strep throat...it can only happen to me!! Just my luck!

I promise I will update my blog tomorrow. Like I've said I have lots to blog about just need to find the time. However I think with this strep throat thing I will be sitting around at Jennie's house tomorrow. I will update then. I just didn't want anyone to think I was leaving the blogging world. I just have been busy having fun for a change.

Talk to you all really soon!!

I have been thinking about this post for sometime, but was having problems finding the right words to describe my thoughts and feelings on this topic. I wanted this post to be 'right' so I hesitated on writing it. However during the last few days I think I may have found the right words to write this post. I'm going to attempt to give it my best shot anyways.

A few weeks ago I decided that it was time for me to take my wedding rings off. For those of you who need to go ahead and gasp. Believe me when I tell you this, I thought long and hard and shed many tears at the thought of taking off my wedding rings. On August 18th when Shawn died I thought I would never take off my rings, they were a symbol of us and I didn't want to lose that, I couldn't let that go. In the days and weeks after Shawn died I never took off my rings, the only time that I had to take them off is when I went in for my D&C a month after Shawn died. Even then I wore my rings until the wheeled me to the operating room, at the very last second I took them off with tears in my eyes and gave them to my Mom to hold onto until I got back to my room. The first thing I asked for other than something to drink was for my rings. At that moment my rings went right back on my finger and the thought about taking them off never entertained my mind again.

Well that is until a few weeks before Christmas. This was just about the time I woke up one morning and felt for the first time that I really did want to be happy again one day. I missed Shawn with all of my heart and soul but I knew he would always be with me and that our love would always be with me. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. Laying in bed that early December morning under my covers I hoped and prayed that I would one day fall in love with another awesome man. At that same moment I knew Shawn would want me to be happy again as well, he wouldn't want be to be alone for the rest of my life. That is about the last thing that Shawn would want for me. The next thought I had was about taking off my rings. I thought about our wedding day and what Shawn told me as he was putting my ring on my finger. "In sickness and health, to death do us part." Who would have thought that the death part would have came so quickly just after seven years of marriage? I remember how proud I was at that moment to be called his wife and to finally have a wedding ring on my finger. It was such an amazing day and an even better feeling. It's what every little girl dreams of.

With all of those thoughts stirring in my mind about wanting to be happy and falling in love again one day I knew and felt like the time was coming for me to take off my rings. However, I couldn't take them off just yet. Like I said this was all going on in my head in early December. I wasn't sure if I was 'ready' to take them off even though I had these 'happy' thoughts in my head. I didn't want people to judge me for taking my rings off so soon. I didn't want people to think I no longer loved Shawn because I took off my rings. Although, like I have said in previous posts...I don't think there is a time table for grief. So for the next month or so I still wore my rings everyday, I never once took them off.

However during this time for some reason I also really started to think about the meaning of a wedding ring. A wedding ring is supposed to symbolize eternity, endlessness and something that is not supposed to be broken. A husband and a wife give each other wedding rings as a token of the unending love that the couple will hopefully have. That is why a wedding ring is called "A Circle of Love"

Wedding rings also are meant to symbolize:

*Love
*Commitment
*Fidelity
*Eternity and
*Honor

A wedding ring is supposed to be a symbol for a never ending marriage, a symbol for un-dieing love that two people share, the way that love between two people is supposed to be.

Fast forward now with me to about three weeks ago. This is about the time when I started 'playing' around with my rings. I would take them off while I was putting on my make-up. I would look in the mirror and see my finger without my rings. It was a weird sight to see, a naked ring less wedding finger after having a ring there for the last 9 years. After I got done putting on my make-up I would always put my rings back on. Over the next few days I continued to 'play' with my rings. I would take them off while I was typing on the computer, when I was cleaning or when I was alone in my house. Then the day came when I took them off and went out in public. I didn't go anywhere big or exciting, just a trip to the gas station, but a trip none the less without my rings. When I began to have the thoughts about taking off my rings I talked to Sarah about it.http://sarahschieber.blogspot.com/ I asked her when she took off her wedding rings after her husband died. She looked at me and told me that there is no real answer to this question. She told me to listen to my heart and to do what I felt was right. She also told me that on the days I felt 'strong' I could take them off, and when I had a bad day I could put them back on. So that is what I started doing.

Then about two weeks ago, I woke up one morning and felt like the time had come to take off my rings. It felt right in my heart. That morning I got up and got in the shower. I got dressed and got ready to leave my house. As I was leaving my bedroom I looked down at my finger and saw my rings. I touched them with my other fingers and kind of spun them around my ring finger. I hadn't really realized how big they had gotten on my finger, but they were very loose and spun around easily. I then looked at a picture from our wedding day that I have on my wall. As I was looking at the picture I took off my rings and sat them gently on the book case. Even though I felt like this was the right thing to do I still cried a few tears. It was a hard thing to do, but yet somehow I knew the timing was right.

Later that same day I was driving around town running errands. At one point during the day I looked at my hand on the steering wheel. It was so odd to look at my hand with out a wedding ring. However, at that exact same moment as I was looking at my finger I had this little peaceful feeling come over me. It was ok that I took off my rings. I realized that even though I had made the choice to take off my rings did not in any way mean that I loved Shawn any less or that I was giving up on our marriage. Just the opposite in fact. I thought about how wonderful our marriage was and how much we loved each other. Those thoughts is why I have made the choice to be happy again. I want to be able to share that love with another man and have them feel my love as well. I will always always love Shawn and I will always feel his love in me and his love for me. I know that we got married because we loved each other, I know that we were committed to each other and that we honored and loved each other. I now know I don't need to look down at my 'naked' ring finger to see or feel that. I know in my heart and will always know that our love for each other was real and I know as well that our love for each other is eternal and that is a wonderful feeling.

With all of that being said, I would now like to leave you a picture of our wedding rings. When they gave me Shawn's ring back after the funeral I put it next to a football helmet from YSU, his necklace and glasses are also sitting on the same shelf in my bedroom. Now my rings are sitting next to his where they will rest in eternity with our love.

Ok so I know that Valentine's Day isn't until Saturday but I wanted to share with you some 'sweet' things that have happened the last few days.

The ABS brake light on my car has been flashing on and off for the last month or so. When it first started happening I took it to one place to have it checked out. They told me it was a problem that had just been fixed not to long ago. A very expensive problem at that. I made the choice not to have them 'fix' it at that time. It wasn't a safety problem so I figured it would be fine to have it fixed at a later date. Then all of a sudden again the light started coming on and off once again. I'm leaving for a mini vacation to Youngstown later this week, so I thought I had better have it checked out to make sure everything was still safe, especially since I will be making the trip alone! This time I thought I had better take my car to a different shop to have it looked at. So on Friday morning I took my car in and guess what...no problems to be found!!! They looked at everything and said that the problem that the other place told me needed to be fixed didn't need to be fixed at all. There were also no problems with the brakes or any part of the brakes. Thank God!!! A car with no 'problems'...how sweet.

While I waited for my car to get looked at I waited in the waiting area. There was this cute little old couple waiting for their car. I would say they were both in their late 60's or early 70's. Anyways they were sitting next to each other holding hands and talking about what they were going to do with the rest of their day. The wife was telling her husband that she wanted to go to the store on the way home to pick up a few things. Her husband told her that it was fine if she wanted to stop but wasn't sure why because they had lots of food at home. The wife then told her husband that she wanted to stop at the store so she could pick up a few things that she needed for dinner that she didn't' have. She proceeded to tell her husband that she wanted to make him his favorite meal that night for dinner. At that moment the little old man reached over and kissed his wife on the cheek. I had never seen the couple before in my life, but at that moment I felt so happy that they had each other to love and you could tell they really were in love with each other and probably had been in love with each other for many many many years. And yes, the sappy part of me almost shed a happy little tear for them. They were so dang cute. When their car was ready the mechanic called their name and the husband stood up first and reached for his wife's hand and helped her out of the chair. As they were walking out of the shop still holding hands they both looked at me and smiled and told me to have a wonderful day. How sweet!

After I left the mechanic I found myself at the mall. Shocking I know! I wanted to get Valentines cards and gifts for my friends and for all their boys for when I go to Youngstown. While I was shopping my date (from now on I'm going to refer to him as "T") called me on his lunch break to tell me "hi" and to see what I had found out about my car. I told him the good news about my car and told him that maybe just maybe my luck might be starting to swing in the other direction. T kind of chuckled and told me that he hopes that I'm right. T then told me that he had to get going back to work but that he just wanted to check and see what was wrong with my car and to tell me to have a good rest of the afternoon and he would call me after work. How sweet!!

While I was at the mall I saw this cute bathing suit. I just bought a bathing suit last summer, but it is HUGE on me because of all the weight I have lost. I haven't been able to wear a bikini in years. However I saw this tried it on and thought it looked pretty good on me and it was on sale for $30.00 so I figured I would get it. How sweet!
Now answer me this question...do you think this is an appropriate bathing suite for a 31 year old to wear or do you think it is too young looking. I came home and took a picture of me in it and now I'm thinking it should go back, the bottoms are a little low. Ahh, I just don't know. The last piece of sweetness I have for all of you are a few new pictures of Bo. He is getting really really big and doesn't look much like a puppy any more.

First of all let me apologize for not updating my blog on a regular basis. It seems as though I'm starting to get some what of a social life back, and I have been gone more than I have been in the last several months. Who would have thought a social life returning for me? Anyways I do have things to blog about, however, I'm getting ready to run out of the door and run some errands...you know important things like tanning. However I found this fun little game on several of the blogs that I read and thought that for today this would be my post. I also want to thank each and every one of you who leave me such wonderful and thought full comments after each of my posts. The comments that I received after my last post about my "question" were amazing to me. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say, and thank you as well for wanting me to be happy once again. You all mean a great deal to me and I just wanted to let you know that once again.



Onto the game...

My story - Finish the sentence:

Hi, my name is: Jenny or Coin if you talk to my friends
Never in my life have I been to: Hawaii- I would love to go there someday!
I hate it when: People talk behind my back. If you have something to say to me, tell it to my face. I'm a big girl and I guarantee you I can handle it.
If your gonna talk smack about me: I will either chose to ignore you if I'm having a good day. Or if I'm cranky, watch out I might smack back.
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Myself. Sometimes I tend to over think things and it drives me crazy. I'm working on that though.
When I'm nervous: I either bite the inside of my cheek or crack my knuckles. However, I do tend to crack my knuckles at times when I'm not nervous as well.
The last song I listened to was: Run to Me by Lady Antebellum
If you were to get married today Your maid of honor/best man would be: I would not have a "specific" maid of honor. Instead I would have my 3 best friends in the world Jennie, Lora and Megan. Also my sister Katie. These four people have helped me through the worst time in my life and all of our friendships have changed for the better and we have all became much closer. When or if it ever becomes time for another wedding for me it will be a serious kick ass fun time with these four awesome best friends standing up there with me.
My hair is: I little flat looking...I need to take a shower.
When I was 5: I had no cares in the world.
Last Christmas: As best as it could be, but I got through it.
I should be: Working out
When I look down: I see my fingers typing.
The happiest recent event was: Laughing on the phone with my friend Jennie. Last night we were talking about wedding themes for some reason. She was saying that instead of her wearing a coconut shell bra for a Hawaiian themed wedding she could just wear walnut shells instead, where as I could pull off the coconut shell bra. Guess it doesn't sound as funny typing it, but we were laughing our ass off at the idea. Guess you had to be there
My current annoyance is: Trying to figure out my life. Not really an annoyance I guess, but a work in progress.
I have a hard time understanding:Why things happen in life.
There's this girl that I know: Sorry but this is just a stupid question.
The thing I want to buy is: A new car... my last big splurge on myself.
If you visited the place I'm from: You would be bored out of your mind. There isn't much to do where I live.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: Diamond earrings and a Coach purse and wallet set. All of which I got with the help from amazing sales.
Most recent thing someone else bought me was: A canister of Godiva Hot Chocolate
My middle name is: Ann
Last night I was: Watching the Super Bowl, and typing on Face book with my friends.
If I was an animal I'd be: a puppy. Who doesn't want to be snuggled and loved all day everyday.
Tomorrow I am: Going to work out
Tonight I am: Not sure, probably watch stupid shows like the Bachelor. I know dumb show, but I can't help it. I haven't watched the show in years, but I'm hooked this time. I will also admit that I want the widow to win (shocking!) but I think she (widows everywhere deserve to be happy again one day)

Now its your turn to tell me your story! I also promise that I will once again be updating my blog on a more consistent basis.