Double-Half
or One Ten without ham

So. Tonight I´ll see the supermoon.
Apparently the last time it was on January 19, 1992, on my birthday. And I never knew.
Actually I´m dumb like that: I didn´t know anything about a supermoon until Ingo mentioned yesterday? Today?

Sadly this will not be a romantic event for me. I´ll have a look, alone. Sadly, frustrations are high here.
I´ll watch Gilmore Girls at the PC. I´m deeply in love with Luke, ya know? ;-)
And have a look at the supermoon here and there. That´s life.

Addendum: Forget about it. It´s super-cloudy.
Yesterday night was clear. Isn´t that just typical?!

But maybe this occurs more often? The wooorld wide web has so many people giving in their opinions and knowledge (which may be "knowledge").

LA here (gotta scroll down) suggests we had a supermoon on these dates, which is rather frequent:

# November 10, 1954
# November 20, 1972
# January 8, 1974
# February 26, 1975
# December 2, 1990
# January 19, 1992
# March 8, 1993
# January 10, 2005
# December 12, 2008
# January 30, 2010
# March 19, 2011

I´m too disappointed of it all to check further, though....

To my real shame I have to admit, this:


is my parent´s house - well, now Bro´s house.
Yes. This is a little observatory. My Dad was very interested in the stuff. Alas, obviously I wasn´t. And I can´t call him to ask which is true... Cancer, I hate you to pieces.

From inside - see, Dad was serious:


One of the very rare pics of us together. Guess I can count em on one hand :-(


Was Easter some time like 1976?

Carnival:


Yep, a cigar. I think I blow rather, here, though?

...
just why do you say heartburn for Gastroesophageal reflux disease? My heart burns like hell but my throat is all fine.
I just don´t understand. How frustration, forgiveness or the lack of it works.
Dang. Dear Moon.

Addendum II: I think no one reads this anyways, so I feel free to just put this on here to make it leave my hurt heart.
Things are a little tough here atm.
Health-wise on my side (not only the eyes) and work-wise on his side, which also became health-wise, hence.
I was awake early but could need a sleep in, too, and put the alarm to later. And later.
Was still too early? He was grumpy. I asked for a kiss (hurts enough) and he refused, saying "whan all ELSE is done". Yep. Me last in row. Hurt.
Needed to get his car from the garage.
Said, you drive (my car).
No.
Since the car-accident I hate... HATE driving with people on board. I hate driving alone. But I´m afraid to drive with having the responsibility for another person in my car (just refused to take a colleague to the company-meeting since there was another choice).
He said, "I don´t feel like it."
Hurt, again.
Knew I had no choice. And foloowed outside. Went on the driver´s seat.

Hurt, hurt, hurt. I was frustrated!!!!

And I SLAMMED the door real hard.

Like... ya know?! I hurt the door/car, not a person!

He got out, telling me he can do it all alone.

More hurt.
Drove to him, asking him to just get in. Three times. Got outta the car, said I´m sorry (just why???) and he pushed me away HARD.
I let go.

Went home/to the gym.
Came back, TV in kitchen was running, he wasn´t there but had brought me food from the bakery. (hope all is getting to be good? Such a springy-day!)
Ate. Went over to ask if he wants my parking lot (he´s got the winter-tyres in his and I stood IN FRONT DA DOOR!).
GET OUT!!!, he told me.

I was getting buttermilk from the fridge when he came to the kitchen telling me (talking to me!!!!) there had been mould in the freezer we used as storage.
MY CHANCE, huh? I was supposed to say:

"WHAT?! Oh, good thing you saw and got rid of this, so what do we do with that freezer, rip it out?"

But I was so hurt, I went past him, saying nothing.
He made dinner for himself,as did I.
Cried a lot since.

You cannot talk to your partner? Sad.
OH! Yep! Before running to the gym I wrote him a letter bout my feelings/pov. He took it but never lost a word about it. (More hurt)

He´s allowed to use me for his frustration. And I´m supposed to eat mine up and be the sunshine in itself?
Here I sit, in self-pity, cryin´ and being confused.

I´d SO LOVE to sit down in the kitchen, talking this through.
maybe I did hurt him by SLAMMING that door - just why, how? It´s just a thing that had to endure my deep frustration!
Not a human being (me!), he choose!

Is it all my fault? Forget this. No one reads through here, anyways, is just my diary. Will someday maybe understand what - WHY... aw, well.
Weekends... weekend lost.
I will never be small for peace.
That´s what ... gack. not me.
Typing on tears on the keybord.