Jonah Hex V2 #48 Dec '09

"The Six Gun War Part 5"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Jonah stands in the darkness, Blue Eagle and his warriors dead in the street. Then, slowly Chako appears and says "How many times can a man kick a dog before the dog bites the man? All Chako wanted to be was your friend." He tells Hex that they could have been a good team. Jonah notices the African warrior approaching from the left, two women with whips coming from behind, and the Middle Easterner from the right. Chako starts laughing, saying that it was he that betrayed Hex and now he will watch him die.

Jonah points his pistols out to the sides and fires but appears to have missed the men. The two women unleash their whips, wrapping them around Hex's ankles and jerking him off his feet. They drag him backwards and he suddenly shots the whips in two. Laying in the dirt, Hex notes "Ya brung swords and sticks ta dispatch me? Ya been misinformed, this here's a gun fight." and he quickly kills the African and the Middle Easterner.

Chako turns and runs with Jonah getting off a shot to his knee but the two women quickly throw knives, piercing both of Jonah's shoulders and then rush him, more knives drawn. Jonah falls to his knees, firing, and striking the women in their knees, dropping them wailing into the dirt. Jonah starts to extract the knives from his shoulders when Flannery appears.

Flannery stands over him, taunting him and beating him from behind. He mocks Hex and his relationship with Bat Lash and suggests the two share a sleeping bag. Flannery kicks Hex in the ribs and the two women stagger to their feet and advance on the men. Flannery turns, telling them to stay back as they have had their chance. Hex, on the ground, manages to remove a knife and then buries it in Flannery's ankle. Flannery goes down screaming and Hex quickly dispatches him and then retrieves a pistol. 

The women beg Hex not to kill them. Jonah tells them to hotfoot back to Turnbull, telling him that money can't buy Jonah's grave. They leave and Jonah holsters his pistols and staggers down the street to find Chako, crawling slowly away. Jonah walks up and steps on Chako's bloody knee. Chako says that he saved Hex from a hanging and from the men in the desert, does that not count for anything? Hex shrugs and punches Chako in the jaw. Chako, being Chako, rambles on and on about how he wants to live when Jonah hears something down the street. 

It is the Mexican swordsman. Hex asks Chako if that is the last assassin. Chako says yes and Jonah states that Chako was trying to distract him. Jonah then plugs Chako square in the forehead. Jonah turns to the Mexican and asks why did none of them brought a gun. He slowly draws his pistols and fires with the Mexican deflecting first one bullet and then another with his machetes. Having spent his last two bullets, Jonah notes his luck may have run out. 

The Mexican approaches and Jonah turns and runs for his horse just as the Mexican closes in. Jonah dodges first one swipe and then a second, planting a fist on the Mexican's nose, dropping him to the ground. Jonah gets to his saddlebag and retrieves a tomahawk, turning to face the assassin. Jonah gets a machete to the thigh and the Mexican gets a boot to the nads. Jonah then quickly pivots and cuts off the Mexican's left arm. The Mexican swings again, Jonah ducks and then buries the tomahawk in the man's forehead.

Hex gathers up his tomahawk and pistols and staggers back into the saloon. He finds the room where Bat Lash took the saloon girl and wakes him up. The woman jumps out of the bed and says she'll fetch the doctor. Jonah tells her all of Turnbull's killers are dead so she better not double cross him. She rushes out naked and Hex tells Bat Lash to wake the others. 

That morning Bat lash and Lazarus Lane survey the damage wrought by Hex. Lane states that they have to bury Blue Eagle and his men. Tallulah appears, telling them that Comanche should be buried with their horses and weapons, but seeing how their group are in need of those things and don't have time for such customs, the Comanche would probably be fine with a big burning.

The two men start stacking bodies and Lazarus inquires as to Hex. Tallulah says he is sleeping. Bat wonders why Jonah didn't wake them once he saw the fate of Blue Eagle. Tallulah says that Hex knew what was coming and would not say a thing to anyone. Lazarus notes that maybe Hex holds some affection for the three of them to which Bat notes that Tallulah at least got to share Hex's bed. His wit is rewarded with a right cross to the jaw from Tallulah and she storms off.

Bat swears Hex and Tallulah should marry and Lazarus says he would not wish that woman on any man, including Hex. Bat says that if they survive the coming confrontation with Turnbull, it will be the end of his dealings with Hex. Lazarus chuckles, saying that they will always try to stay on Jonah's good side. Bat replies that Jonah doesn't have a good side.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Chako and five assassins, so we add six to the total
Running Total - 793 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 291 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - Whew, knives to each shoulder, beaten and kicked, a machete to the thigh.
Timeline - The end of the evening from last issue and into morning So far, four and a half weeks.
Rape Percentage -  23% (11 of 48)

Ok, a few things. On the good side, Jonah was really down to his last two bullets when facing off with the Mexican. Twelve shots in this issue and each one accounted for. I appreciate things like that. Chako was good in this one, turning on Hex in a manner befitting the self serving Chako. And it was good to see him finally be dispatched.

Now for the assassins. What the hell are wrong with these guys? Two of them were completely out of their element and didn't use on ounce of surprise, just walking down the street getting shot at. Flannery was an idiot to not knock out Hex before allowing himself to be distracted and the Mexican pulls a Wonder Woman move with machetes? As Jonah says, it was a gunfight that only he was prepared for and he should have fared better than he did.

While the pacing of the story was good and tension was well done, the whole concept of six assassins working alone without guns against the best bounty hunter in the world just comes across as stupid. Last issue did try to show a little bit of competition between them but they were cardboard cutouts just to be knocked down by Jonah.

Next Issue: The big payoff, Hex V Turnbull, this time without red clay and crows (Movie reference, ya'll)

 Jonah Hex V2 #47 Nov '09

"The Six Gun War Part 4"

Jonah Hex V2 #20 Aug '07
"Unfinished Business"
Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Phil Noto - art and cover

The Gentlemen's Posse 
Darkness on the open plain, a small campfire burns in the night, a slumbering gunman asleep nearby. Five men on horseback ride up, silently dismount and move into the camp, weapons at the ready. They tell Hex to get up but he doesn't stir. Again they order him to rise. Nothing. They lift his hat to learn that Jonah Hex is in a stone drunken stupor, unconscious and under the effects of strong spirits. One of the men wonders if they should shoot him in his sleep. The leader orders them to get the rope from Hex's horse.

Daylight and the world is upside down. Better yet, Jonah Hex is hanging upside down, hogtied and hanging from a tree with the words "Courtesy of Mr. Park" scratched into the sand underneath him. Jonah regurgitates the contents of his stomach and the gathering vultures peck at the offering greedily. Jonah hangs there, assessing his situation when he spies the wolves trotting towards him. He tries to coax a vulture closer and finally ends up biting his own tongue hard enough to cause it to spray blood which attracts the vultures. One of the birds strays to close to Hex and he lunges as best he can, grabbing the bird's neck in his teeth and biting the head clean off.

The wolves (or are they wild dogs?) descend upon the bird's bleeding torso as Jonah takes the vulture's head in his teeth and uses the beak to start cutting away at the ropes wrapped around his chest. The rope parts and Jonah crashes down onto the bloody vulture/wild dog picnic and the dogs commence to tear into him. Suddenly a gunshot rings out and the dogs scatter. It is then that Jonah finally sees Hector, Mr. Parks henchman/partner.

Hector explains that he has a vested interest in having Mr. Parks know that Jonah Hex is dead. He does not plan on killing Hex, just giving him enough of a warning to stay out of Sulphur Springs for the rest of his days. Hector's men hold Hex down as Hector stomps on Jonah's hands, breaking all of his fingers (Kinda like what Preston did way back in the day).

That Damn Idiot
Jonah starts walking across the desert and he sees several men on horseback swiftly approaching him. Through the dust and heat he recognizes the lead horseman is none other than Chako! Hex jumps up on Chako's horse behind him and Chako requests that Hex shoot the men that are chasing them. Turns out that Chako has stolen a horse. Jonah reaches around Chako, grabs the reins and pulls the horse up short, throwing them both to the ground. The pursuers dismount and Jonah makes short work of them, headbutting and kicking them to the ground. Chako finishes one his own self.

Chako jumps up and starts thanking Hex. Jonah looks down at his busted hand, slowly forms a fist, and punches Chako in the jaw.

Chako, in his own way, ends up talking through getting punched and explains that he stole the horse because it belonged to a lovely woman named Rachel. When Hex asks about the mute girl back in Two Pines, Chako reveals that he is too handsome for just one woman. Hex commandeers a pistol and a horse from one of the unconscious men and then rides off. Chako, being Chako, decides that he and Hex are heading the same way and follows a safe distance behind, but still within earshot.

The Kindness of a Familiar Whore
The Oklahoma Panhandle - It's night and Chako is still talking as they ride into town. Jonah rides up to the saloon where we meet the blond hooker from last issue. She remembers Hex and she accompanies him and Chako into the saloon. Hex tells Chako to cheat at cards until he has enough money to buy them dinner. Jonah asks the woman her name (Dusty Rose) and asks a favor of her. When then get down to brass tacks Jonah reveals that he'll pay her $500 for a week's worth of work in Texas.

About that time, a row starts at the poker table where Chako is at. A couple of men are accusing Chako of cheating until Hex steps up and they recognize him as the guy that burnt down the Rio and they leave Chako alone.  Hex tells Chako that after tonight they are parting company.

The Explosive Conclusion
Sulphur Springs, Texas, Three weeks later. Mr. Parks and Hector are discussing their latest business venture of having added dice to their gambling establishment. Hector is suggesting adding fighting matches but Parks finds the idea somewhat grisly. Just then all of Parks men walk into the room, asking why they were wanted. Parks is confused and they produce a note that is supposedly signed by Horace. As Parks is placing something in the wall safe, he finds a note and asks Horace if he put it in there.

Hector reads it and states that they have a problem. We then hear a shout from outside and they look out the window to see Jonah Hex and Dusty Rose standing next to a dynamite plunger on the ground outside in the darkness. That's when Parks realizes that Dusty was the woman with him last night and that she has wired the room with dynamite. Hex slams the plunger down with his foot and the whole second floor of the saloon meets up with God Almighty. Bodies rain down and Dusty states "That was unexpected." to which Jonah retorts "Not bad for a whore".

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed By Jonah - 5.
Running Total - 626 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 134 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - Hung upside down, busted hands, bitten bloody tongue
Timeline - This is after the adventures in issue 19 so it is probably around 1890. Covers about 3-4 weeks.
Rape Percentage - 35% (7 out of 20)

This one wasn't too bad. Again, Noto's work is not the best. It was good to see several folks back in the book giving us a break from the "done in one" format, but it is still written well enough that I didn't HAVE to have read #19 or even #4 to enjoy the story. Biting off a vulture head and then using the bloody beak to cut yourself free while wild dogs tear at the dead bird's carcass.... that's more badass than 90% of what Batman has EVER done (including hitting a guy with a car battery) I really enjoy Chako and wouldn't mind seeing him pop up from time to time. The bit where Jonah considers his broken hand and STILL punches Chako was worth the price of admission.

Next time: Hex encounters the secret of the Devil's Paw!

Jonah Hex V2 #4 Apr 2006
"The Time I Almost Died"
Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray, story - Luke Ross, art - Howard Chaykin, cover

Six armed men stand outside a log cabin, demanding that the inhabitants exit the premises. Frustrated, the men shoot the cabin to pieces and then storm in to find.... nothing. Standing in the middle of the cabin they uncover a trapdoor in the floor and as they are about to open it, Jonah Hex rains down death from his hiding place in the rafters. The men dead, Hex jumps down into the pools of blood as a man, Chako, crawls out of the trapdoor.

Turns out Chako is a bounty that Hex has been dragging along for two weeks since Chako is wanted alive. Chako keeps pleading his innocence and offers Hex bribes of women, other bounties, almost everything because he keeps talking non-stop.

When Hex and Chako finally make it to Tall Pines, Colorado, Chako is gagged and then turned over to the local sheriff. The mayor thanks Hex for bringing Chako in but Jonah notes that the mayor has no money in his hand. The mayor explains that the bank is closed but he will have the money first thing in the morning. Hex explains that he will take Chako back until the money is produced and demands that the mayor open the bank and get the cash.

Just then a young woman comes running down the street and slaps Hex across the face and spits in his eye. The mayor appears and apologizes for that is his daughter Mayleen. Mayleen is mute and is severely upset by what has transpired. The mayor states that the very mention of Chako's name drives her to tears and he instructs two of his men to take her back to the hardware store and settle her down. As she is escorted away, she throws a pleading look to Hex.

The mayor thanks Hex again for bringing Chako in and Hex says that he doesn't appreciate the mayor hiring Aubrey McHane and his boys as insurance and that they are all dead. The mayor asks if Hex is moving on and Jonah replies that it ain't none of the mayor's concern.

Jonah heads off for the saloon and gets into a poker game only to have Mayleen interrupt it with a note that states: Chako is innocent. I helped Chako escape. You brought him back. His blood is on your hands now. She runs out and Hex follows close behind.

Jonah catches up to her and asks "Are you saying that Chako DIDN'T rape you?" (Rape Reference #2 for the series) He demands to know what really happened but she won't reveal it. Hex tells her to get to someplace safe.

Jonah then goes to the jail and breaks Chako out, locking the deputy in the cell and demanding that Chako shut up and tell him what really happened. As they exit the jail, they are greeted by the mayor and three gunmen. The mayor gives instructions to tie and gag them, 'soften their dispositions' and have them ready to hang as soon as possible.

Hex wakes up sometime later to find himself in a cell with the still-talking Chako. Hex breaks Chako's nose to shut him up.

We then find the mayor locking Mayleen in a storeroom in the hardware store to keep her out of the way, but Mayleen starts working at getting the key out of the lock using a hairpin.

We next find the town gathered around the gallows, Chako and Hex gagged with nooses around their necks. As the mayor rails on about their crimes, Hex for helping a prisoner escape and Chako for raping the mayor's daughter we find Mayleen kicking open the storage room door, grabbing a rifle from the store and rushing to the gallows.

The lever is pulled and the trapdoor drops as Mayleen opens fire. The crowd turns and the mayor screams for someone to disarm his daughter, but the town is standing agape at what they see. Mayleen has taken the barrel of the rifle and written in the dirt:

MY FATHER DID IT

The mayor tells the executioner to throw the next lever, killing Hex. The townspeople shout for him to stop. The guy starts to pull the lever and a shot hits the gallows next to him, the townspeople have pulled their weapons and are now demanding Hex be released. They ungag Hex and he confirms Mayleens story, saying that Mayleen helped Chako escape. Mayleen runs up and hugs the hanging body of Chako.

The gallows trapdoor springs open and the mayor hangs dead next to the man he had killed... BUT WAIT! Chako is still alive! They cut him down and he starts talking ninety to nothing, thanking Hex  but asking where Hex is going.

Jonah mounts up and rides off into the sunrise muttering under his breath, "Somewheres quiet."

Men Killed by Jonah - 6
Running Total - 514 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 12 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - obviously beaten up and knocked out
Rape Percentage - 50% (2 references in 4 issues)

I enjoyed this issue, more for Chako than anything else. The idea of someone talking non-stop was played to a perfect comedic tone, especially the scene where Chako's nose gets broken. I enjoyed other little touches of Jonah not wanting to sit with his back to the saloon door; demanding that the mayor open the bank to get the money; the executioner apologizing for hanging Hex. The art was good, (the people are all distinct and the expressions are fantastic) the color and dialogue were great. A nice above average issue.

Next Issue: Geoffrey Lewis, Linda Hunt, Indians, sickness and NUNS WITH GUNS!!!