The Witty Ways of a Wayward Woman

Yes, I've finally caved in and signed up with Twitter. Now that my manuscript is out the big wide world accruing rejections, I thought I'd better join up with Twitter in case some big hot-shot literary agent pops in and thinks I'm not taking this writing business seriously. So I decided it was time for Twitter- cos let's face it at my age offering sex for publication is not really a viable option. Apart from the fact that lots of literary agents appear to be women and I'm not a lesbian, I don't think white, size eighteen thermal knickers would go down too well on the casting couch. So it has to be Twitter.

So here I am: https://twitter.com/turleytalks



Now unfortunately, all the combinations of my blog title Witty Ways, Wayward Wife, Witty Wife etc etc as well as MY name were already taken. Pah!  So in the end I just had to settle for @turleytalks for my twitter handle.  I quite like it though and one thing's for sure I do actually do a lot of talking. I just hope I don't get sued. Fortunately, I've some wealthy relatives but I'm not sure if they'd cough up if I got sued for calling David Cameron a jackass.

Actually, I'd never call David a jackass; it's not his fault he went to Eton.

I could call Piers Morgan a jackass though. That's just true. You can't be sued for the truth surely?

Anyone with knowledge of libel laws please get in contact asap. Thanks.

Ohhhhhh what shall I pin to Pinterest today?

*Dances joyfully around room*

Okay, okay, okay, I admit it. I have way too much time on my hands lately. Master Ben has been off school for three consecutive days. Master Jacob was off school for three days the week before - I am going quietly insane.

Okay maybe not that quietly.

I just need some quiet time. Alone. I want to do that artistic author thing - contemplate major philosophical ideas, be reflective and pose artistically at my desk without any interruption from children wallowing in self pity that they're ill and bored.

I mean: three days off school? I would have been leaping for joy when I was their age if I was off school for that amount of time. Unless I was so ill I couldn't walk, couldn't see and had dysentery I was at school every single sodding day. All my boys have had is sinusitis. Huh - I would still have been going to school with sinusitis AND doing fifty press ups in the gym.

Now what shall I pin on Pinterest? I think I need a new display board. Maybe a shopping related one?

Mmm...shopping.

Maybe I don't really need to pose artistically...

Yes, so a shopping board it is. Hmm...wait a minute. What about a board for "Things I fantasize about when I'm stuck at home when my kids are ill" ? That could be shopping then and lots of other things too! Whoa, I'm a genius!

Now, let's Google "sexy hunk cleaning my kitchen" and see what the images throw up.