Michelle's path

Everyone has been helping us and emailing me and showing so much support, I cant Thank You enough. Really...

YOU are our family right now. We don't have many family members to turn to who are supportive of us, so in times like this when we need it, YOU are our family.

I'm still working on emailing you all back. Please don't think I'm ignoring. I simply am just overwhelmed with emails and things to do on top of the daily chores and taking care of Kayla.

Anyways,

Yesterday I emailed 20 attorney's in FL. I got only TWO emails back. Funny thing is the first email is from the very first attorney that I emailed.

The other funny thing was when I was searching I said a little wish before I started searching. I wished that I would come across something or someone that would be right one, that one that would be the answer.

She emailed back right away (twice I might add! Which is good because our other attorney we used with Kayla's adoption..emails took days, even a week or more) with what we been waiting to hear. Not offering a pro bono case, BUT...offering services for less than half of what our other attorney was charging us. She is also on the board of the local grant chapter and she seems positive that we would be approved because of our special case...wanting to keep siblings together. This along with tax time being around the corner of this baby's birth is also a big plus. We will still have to empty our savings account and max out a credit card. Along with 2 car payments, we will be tight for a few months. Nick will then be deployed again in September so that extra money will help pay off the rest of the debt from this.

So far her fees are:
Pre-birth, termination of parental rights, consent and placement process is $5,000
finalization $1,500
out of pocket costs of $800 or so to cover fed x, court filing fees
there may be some small travel costs in addition

We also still need to pay for plane tickets from Guam to FL for the 3 of us, hotel and food in FL and then 3 tickets from FL to PA while waiting for the baby's passport and also passport fees.

Tomorrow morning Nick is going to skip PT and call her so we can discuss this and see where we need to go from here.

Today I have started working on home study things. Like getting current background checks and making appointments for physicals and getting Kayla a passport. Hers was just a temporary one and has since expired.

So far it's all coming together. I tried to call Birth Mom today 2 times but no answer. I wanted to let her know we found someone and will talk to her tomorrow to really decide if this the right attorney for us.

We also need to discuss this Birth Father. I don't think this one is going to be as easy and willing and cooperative as Kayla's Birth Father. Its just a gut feeling.

But, Kayla's Birth Father protested the adoption at the beginning as well, so, my gut could be wrong. I hope.

So, here's to hoping the next step is just as easy.

Keep sending positive thoughts.

I recently got a comment on my blog from The Hawks Family. I really hope you dont me posting this but Im trying to find a way to get in touch with you. So if you read this or if anyone reads this that knows them, please get in touch with me.

Thank You!

The Hawks Family has left a new comment on your post "Help!":

Why is it so much Our attorney fee's for our adoption are 1200 our homestudy was 450. Prayin you find a way to bring him home..

What the title means is that I did talk to Birth Mom yesterday for about an hour on the phone, and she is 100% sure this is what she wants.

While it is WONDERFUL news for us, I cant imagine how heartbroken she must be to have to do this again.

Now the search is OFFICIALLY on for a pro bono attorney, or at least an attorney not looking to fill his pockets with money.

With the help of some friends searching for attorneys, I have sent emails this morning to TEN attorneys in Florida and its only 11:10 AM.

Birth Mom and her Aunt are also on the hunt.

Please pray one of them takes a bite.

Please.

Please.

Dont forget to check out Andee's blog.

She chose us to be featured on her blog.

And for this, I am thankful.

Thank you Andee.

(warning... I'm putting our finances out on the line here)
Ok,

Birth Mom has asked us to adopt the baby! Good news!! Exciting news!!
But...
Baby boy is due Feb 7th.

This leaves us with VERY little time. Less time we had when we found out about adopting Kayla.

This is MAJOR crunch time.

We have less money to work with this time around because we adopted Kayla just 16 months ago.

Back then, we had a car to sell and we made enough cash off of it to help us with adoption fees.

This time, we have 2 cars, 1 new and 1 used but newer. We owe too much on them both to sell them and make any cash to help us with adoption fees. We never expected to adopt another baby this soon after Kayla, otherwise we would not have bought the cars.

We are still trying to sell them though to clear up the monthly car payments in order to pay back whoever we borrow money from for this adoption.

Nick has a cousin who is doing his internship in an attorney's office. We are waiting back to hear if he has made any connections with an attorney licenses in FL that would be willing to do our adoption 'pro bono'.

But what are the chances of that?

So, say we have to pay for attorney fees which are $15,000...
$6,000 empties our savings account.
$5,000 credit card
and $5,000 loan will all cover the attorney.

Then we still need tickets to travel to FL for the three of us at $1,700.00 each and hotel for 1-2 weeks to wait for the birth, and food during that time plus taxi or rental car..which ever is cheaper.

And home study fees? I don't know if ours is still good or 'expired'.

Where will that money come from?

I am working on having a Pampered Chef/ Scentsy fundraising party in January hopefully if the companies allow the consultants to do this for us.

I put together a photo album of things for sale.

I am thinking of doing a bake sale at a Scentsy open house party.

I don't know what else to do.

Willing to give us some more ideas?

Its totally unfair that attorney's pocket money from giving babies homes. Why cant they just do it out of the goodness of their hearts? Why cant they just do the paperwork and not ask for a bigger than necessary paycheck?

We hope to make enough money to bring this baby home to us and to his sister.

I have put together an album of things for sale. Every penny goes towards giving this little boy a home.

I think you can view it from this address:
Just copy and paste the link into your browser and view the items.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=123419&id=505424678&l=41f1d8a40f

Although on Guam, its Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving.

Still working on those emails....while cooking.

I have gotten a boat load of emails from all of you, so please be patient. I want to respond to each and every one.

Plus, I have to start cooking. We are having Thanksgiving Wed. and Thurs.

Lots to do!

So be patient my fabulous supporters! ♥

Ok, to Anonymous who said:

I hate to say it but almost $30,000 for a tri racial baby is alot of money...

First of all, Kayla's adoption was not $30,000. Her adoption was $15,000 with a military discount. The things that piled this total to $30,000 was- We had to pay flight ticket ($879.00) for a social worker from Japan to fly to Guam to do our home study plus the cost of the home study ($850.00). The fact that we live 8,000 miles away from the state of FL. Travel from Guam to FL is not cheap. Its $1,700.00 AT LEAST, PER PERSON. Travel to FL from PA BEFORE the birth to meet with Birth Mother, hotel for 3 nights and food. Travel to FL from PA FOR Kayla's birth- we stayed in a hotel for 3 weeks ($34.99 per night total of $672.21), rented a car for 3 weeks ($500.00) to meet our Birth Mom at appointments, hospitals, to get to and from airport and to get food(which we did as cheap as possible eating from the McDonald's Dollar menu and eating at hot dog stands, besides taking Birth Mother, her friend and her son out to lunch for pizza and us going out to Hooters one night for wings) and not to mention appointments with our attorney. We gave Birth Mom living expenses for the remaining time of pregnancy and to get back on her feet. AND then...I had to get flight tickets to stay in Pennsylvania for 5 weeks while we waited for Kayla's passport.

Does that clarify things for you?

Even IF JUST the adoption was 30 grand, Kayla is worth every single red penny. I am HIGHLY offended by your comment... ANONYMOUS.

Ok, onto better things.


Ok, so here is how this is going to work...Anonymous comments are turned off. I have had tons of questions about adoption and I feel the need to answer them even though in my previous post I said I wouldn't discuss it anymore. I need to address these questions and hopefully help others in the process. After these questions are answered, I will no long discuss this particular potential adoption.

Questions will be numbered and the corresponding answers will be numbered.

1. Would the lawyer give you a second-time-around discount on his fees?
2.Could just one of you travel?
3.Could family help out in any way?
4.Any church that you belong to that could help?
5.Would birth mom want you to adopt this baby so they could be together?
6.Is there any way to just take out a big ole loan and make it happen?
7. Did you go through an agency last time? Would it be cheaper if you just went through a lawyer?
8.Is this birth mother the same mother that birthed Kayla?
9.If so, (and forgive me for my rant here), didn't she learn her lesson the first time around?
10.Major fund raising?
11.Why is it so much with private adoption?
12.She's (Birth Mom) not getting money?




Answers:


1.I don't think so. The $15,000 he charged us for Kayla was his discounted fee. Military discount. Not sure if we would be able to get a second discount. It would be worth a try though.
2.Again, I don't think so. I am pretty sure it is legally required for us both to be there for paperwork. If it is not required, (which we will ask of something does come about this adoption) we could work that. Although it would mean Nick would stay behind and miss the birth (which we are willing to do if it means bringing him home with us). I could bring along my Mother In Law or someone to help me through it all and help me care for Kayla. I couldn't leave Kayla with Nick, he works A LOT...daycare costs would be outrageous and I couldn't leave her that long. I would have to stay in PA close to 5 weeks to wait on baby's passport. So it would still require TWO flight tickets to FL plus a ticket to FL for my Mother In Law..or whoever..which would still be cheaper.
3. We are working on this at the moment...just in case Birth Mom does ask us to take this baby. I'm being hopeful here. REAL hopeful and wishful. She hasn't asked us yet, and if we don't have some sort of help with something, we can do this at all. No if's and's or but's.
4.We do not belong to a church and I would not join just for financial help. That would feel completely and totally wrong to me.
5.I sure hope so. I'm waiting on word from her through email. Although I would much rather talk to her on the phone. But I don't want to just call her without her permission.
6.I really wish. We already tried this option when Kayla's adoption came about but no bank would approve us because we either don't have accounts with them or the ones we do have accounts with...we don't have a long enough credit history with them. This happens when you move around a lot in the military lifestyle. We ended up, maxing out 2 credit cards, getting a $6,000 loan, selling Nick's car and paying it off and using the cash that was left over. This time, we have 2 cars but owe too much on both of them so we wouldn't get much cash left over to go towards the expenses.
7.We did not go through an agency. Birth Mother heard about us from a friend of a friend of a friend. We just went with an attorney to get all the legal side of things done. And he did a fantastic job. So this is the cost of an attorney...not much cheaper...if any.
8.Yes, this is Kayla's Birth Mother. She is pregnant but not with Kayla's Birth Father. So this baby is Kayla's half brother, but all the same to us. He is Kayla's brother.
9.Obviously, not. I wish she would have learned from Kayla, or even from her first baby, Kayla's older half brother...but if she did learn, we would not have Kayla in our lives and I couldn't even imagine that. And from this time, another family will be blessed if not it be us to be twice as blessed.
10.Major fundraising would help. But what? During the adoption with Kayla, we did a lot. Just through fundraising, we incurred the amount we needed to pay totally the fee for the home study and the travel expense for the social worker. What we did was set up a website that allowed people to donate and through the goodness of people's hearts, little by little...we made it happen. I also was selling things on ebay and on our website. I'm at loss as to what else to do.
11. Here is the breakdown from our attorney from Kayla's adoption..although I'm 100% sure this is worded around the fact that he pockets a lot..how else to these attorneys get so rich?
$5,325 to Birth Mother-$900 for rent, $975 food household, Recuperative $3,450.
Adoption services-$8,500, Termination of parental rights-$1,750, Finalization of adoption- $1,750, Out of county facilitation- $500.00, because we are living on Guam.
Passport Facilitation- $1,000 which we could not get out of. We tried several things to get out of this fee from trying to get a military passport to me getting the passport on my own which I eventually did anyways but we were still charged by the attorney.
Birth Mother counseling- $250.00, Other costs- $812.00. Other costs consists of things like phone calls, emails, post office charges, FedEx, getting Kayla's hospital records, Paternity acknowledgement, certified copies of paperwork, etc...
12.I don't know. I would wish and hope she doesn't ask for much if she asks for any at all.


I also want to add, in case this comes up from anyone else who wants to be blunt or rude...

We CAN easily afford to take care of the 3 of us and 2 cats. We by no means struggle to afford the things we NEED and things we enjoy. Its just the one lump sum, the initial costs of adoption...the huge stack of money you need at the beginning. It all has to be paid upfront at one time to the attorney. If another baby was thrown in the mix, we would be fine. I don't want sound like we are dirt poor or broke. That is NOT what I am doing here.


I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask me.

Thank you a million x's 10 to all my friends and supporters. Those that have been here in blog world for years, and those who are new...without support...I don't think we would be where we are. In fact....I KNOW we wouldn't be where we are today. You have no idea how much you all help.

The exact reason I didn't want to post details about all this...I get comments that I don't like. I wont address them and I wont post details anymore.

Onto other things...

Last night was successful night number TWO with Kayla sleeping in her big girl bed all night. Shes been napping in a single bed and I been laying in with her every now and then. So, 2 nights...slept all through the night for the first time in MONTHS. I don't even remember her sleeping all night without a fuss at least once. So...off with the crib. Dada will hopefully get to take it down this weekend so we make room for things that Santa brings her.

Well, those who have been curious...Birth Mom informed me by email several days ago that she is giving the baby up for adoption. I really wish and hope that the baby could come to us. But,

1) Birth Mom has not asked us if we wanted the baby. I emailed her but haven't heard anything from her. It usually takes her a while to get to her email.
2) We don't have the funds it all requires. We got out of debt from Kayla's adoption not long ago but this time we don't have a car to sell to get enough cash. We owe too much on both of our cars. Of course I would get rid of my car in a heartbeat to get rid of the monthly payments and we would make do with only 1 car. But I don't think that would help nearly as much as we would need it to.

It cost us nearly $30,000 for Kayla's adoption.
$15,000 just for the attorney fees. If we could somehow do away with attorney fess, Kayla could maybe, just maybe, have her brother right here with her.

Of course we would still need to pay for 3 flight tickets to FL at about $1,700 EACH. Hotel, food, rental car. I don't know if our home study is still good or if there is some sort of 'expiration' date. Which means another $1,000 for another home study. We gave Birth Mom $5,000 cash for living expenses...maybe this time around she wouldn't need as much or any at all?

Oh my oh my oh my...I don't know. I just don't know. I do know that I hope this baby goes where he is meant to go....weather it be with us for some huge huge miracle beyond all miracles...or with someone else who would love and care and appreciate him just like we would.

I just wish it could be with us and with his sister, Kayla. I have always had the feeling in my gut that one child just wouldnt be enough. And here is a baby needing a home, a baby that is our daughter's baby brother. A baby that could make us complete. One girl and one boy. A baby we could love.

It just sickens me that money makes the world go round. Cant the goodness of people's hearts make the world go round? Why should we have to miss the opportunity to become second time parents because we don't have that much cash? Why should Kayla miss out on being a big sister to her brother because her parents dont have $30,000 sitting in the bank? Why should a child miss out on a home with two parents who yearn to have more children because they don't have the cash piled for the initial costs?

Its just so unfair to me. So unfair and it hurts.

We went to the beach on Saturday....







I will blog more tomorrow...until then.

First of all....everyone...please send positive thoughts to whoever you believe in....that Birth Mom's unborn baby (due in Feb) ends up in the hands of who is meant to be with him, care for him and love him. Let this baby end up where the big man wants him.


Here are the pictures I was trying to upload the other day and couldnt get to work.
Kayla and her favorite lizard:


Kayla's last year's Santa picture:


And this year's terrible set up of a Santa picture:

Thanks everyone on your input on the turkey. I ended up buying a 5 lb turkey breast instead of a turkey at the suggestion from the comments I got.

Now, what to put in with the turkey breast? Julie suggested butter, chicken broth and seasonings which sounds good to me! Thanks Julie!

The past few days I have horrible headaches. Even a migraine one night that had me leaning over the toilet. And I think its because I have slowed down my caffeine intake to only 1 diet coke a day. If I drink any more soda its diet 7 up or diet root beet, all caffeine free. But mostly, I'm trying to drink more crystal light. I never realized how much sodium was on those drinks until Tracey pointed it out to me. So, thanks Tracey!

We took Kayla to see Santa on Sunday. Yes its early, but the BX only has Santa for 1 day and he was only there for 3 hours so we had to take advantage. The set up was so horrible. They put it right at the entrance of the store so people were constantly walking by..made it nearly impossible for me to take any pictures. And the decor was terrible. He had no background and only a small tree next to him. It was bad. Last year's was so much better. Kayla did OK with him. She unwilling went to him but didnt make a fuss. She didnt smile but she didnt refuse....until Santa let out the big "HO HO HO!" Then, she was done. Overall, she did good.

After the Santa visit we browsed through the BX. Kayla walked out with this ugly rubbery lizard she had to have. She wouldn't put it down in the store so we just bought it for her for being such a good sport with Santa. Yes, I said LIZARD. This child has at least 10 baby dolls, at least 15 My Little Ponies and she refuses to play with them. I always take her down the baby doll and barbie doll isles in stores and she has ZERO interest. She'd rather be playing with cars, planes, trains, bugs, lizards, stuffed animals and books.

Here is the lizard.


Here is the picture I got. Compared to last years. My oh my how sad is it that time can go this fast?



Anyhow, Kayla is taking a nap and I have groceries to put away and blogs to read. Until next time.


Ok Seriously, what a tease....blogger wont let my upload pictures. It says internal error....what does that mean?

So far the plans for Thanksgiving are us going to a friends house. I plan on making a second turkey since we life leftovers, and so do they. Original plans for turkey were for Nick to deep fry one. But he doesn't feel like doing that now. So, my other idea was to put one in the slow cookers. In my mind, seems like it would come out very moist and juicy. I could throw it in the night before and just transport the whole pot over to friends house along with all the other side dishes I planned on making.

But...for the life of me I cannot find any slow cooker turkey recipes on the internet.

Is this unheard of? Why cant I find any? I know it must be possible...do people not do this for a reason? Whats the deal?

Help!

Well, I guess more people missed me than I thought would. I apologize. Nick come home, had 3 weeks off work so we stayed busy with him. Then I got lazy...then I lost my desire for blogging. I was feeling down for a little bit. But Im good...I will try to get back at this.

A couple weeks ago I found out that our Birth Mom is pregnant again. I wont post exactly how I feel on here since I dont know who is reading, but as you can imagine it opens up some old wounds for me. We wont be adopting this baby so it brings back old feelings. Old feelings of, "How can she get pregnant and I cant?" She is 20 and on her third pregnancy...and I cant get and stay pregnant once without spending thousands of dollars. Its Not Fair.

Anyways, I dont want to start blogging back up on a depressing note...so I will start with this video of Kayla...Please enjoy!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-dy_pxKcB8

I have gotten a few comments from Anonymous asking where I am, and if we are ok.

I am here and we are totally fine!

Just lost my desire for blogging so I was taking a break.

I will try my best to get back at this on Monday. Promise.