Living, Laughing, Loving, Learning

 Andy has a line he likes to say on a regular basis...

"Never volunteer excuses or explain a shortcoming unless an explanation is required. More damage than good is done by proffering unsought excuses." 

 So, with that in mind I won't waste time excusing my absence from here.
 Just know that I didn't quit on purpose!


 School has carried on, obviously, as has work, and seasons continue to pass by. We have just been rolling along - learning.

 A few days ago I gave Canaan two lines, and asked him to write the rest of the story. He needed to fill at least 2/3 of the page, be creative, and use proper grammar. Correct spelling was definitely something to aim for, but, as I realistically prepared myself for, something we could fix later.

 Apparently Canaan was not inspired at that moment. He knew how far down the page he had to go, so he began to look for randomness with which to fill it. For instance, "The Easter Bunny slept and slept and slept and slept and slept." was spread across an entire line, plus some. Twice.
 That was a sleepy Easter story.

 I couldn't help but laugh at the comedy in the story, but the attitude in which it was given - the deliberate waste of space so that he didn't have to come up with something new to write... He knew he was wrong.

 Andy's comment, after sending Canaan to the other room, was "That little smart ..." Hilarious, but at the same time - unacceptable. (both Canaan's paper, and Andy's comment fit that criteria!)

 Canaan knew that he hadn't done his best. He knows that he is going to have to re-write the story with not only corrected spelling and capitalization, but with a new attitude.

 The question is, how often do we do that? We fill up our schedule with "good" things. Things that fit the criteria. But we know they aren't the right things.
 We read the right books and expand our minds.
 We add filler, so there aren't any empty spaces looking at us with accusation.

 But are those spaces perhaps meant to be empty?

 A good short story is far better then a long, rambling, pointless one. And sometimes filling the page just isn't an improvement.

 So, for tonight I am going to say "Don't be afraid of empty spaces." In conversation. In your schedule. In your relationships.

 Less of a good thing will win every time when compared to a surplus of unnecessary excess.

 Canaan will be writing tomorrow. I will post the new and improved story here, and we can talk about good words. Good use of time. Good listening to what God has for us.

 Until then...

This post is to preach at myself. Honestly.

 But for some reason I can't let it go, so perhaps writing it out, and knowing that you are holding me accountable will make me.

 God clearly told us to forgive. In fact, when Peter asked him if he should forgive seven time Jesus told, "not seven, but seventy-seven times". Which I actually think means as many times as it takes.

 So, telling someone that you forgive them - or perhaps forgiving them in your heart because they never even knew they upset you - that should be natural for a Christian. Over and over again.

 But sometimes it's not easy.

 Andy has not been careful with his words lately. Honestly just stupid stuff. But over and over until I have felt like a failure. In everything.

 Canaan has noticed, of course. Because he notices everything. He brought me the comics on Sunday - pointing out one in specific he thought I would like. It truly was slightly ironic in it's timing.

 And little reminders, like the comics, or some other not well planned words have kept me either angry or hurt for almost a week now.

 But yesterday I did a lot of praying about it. I remembered that...

1) I am not perfect either (surprise!)
2) He is going to say stupid things over and over (and over) for the rest of time. And I am always going to love him. So I need to just get over it.
3) I can't say that I forgive him, and then not truly do it. That is lying.

Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth (Andy) and the meditations of my heart (me) be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

 They are both held equally. Me thinking grumpy thoughts was not cool.

 And then today's Bible reading said, "He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11
 I am pretty sure I have been exalting myself by being the "hurt party". Because, of course, I have never hurt his feelings, right?!

 But, I suppose what helped the most last night was Andy putting on some old cheesy '80's music and "singing" to me. He loves me too.

 Those words, although perhaps the worst sounding of them all, were also the most beautiful.

 I can promise you that words will continue to be spoken in this household. So, as long as there are words there will be some that praise, some that heal, some that excite, some that promise and sadly, some that hurt.

 That is just the way of words.

 What matters now is "the meditations of my heart". I'm feeling positive right now. What is it about confession that brings healing to the soul?

 God speaks through Isaiah saying, "So is the word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (55:11)

 We can only attempt to mimic Him. May our words always serve, and accomplish what He desires.
 And when they don't, let's remember that He forgives. "I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemes of men will be forgiven them." Mark 3:28

 So, here I go. School to teach. T-ball to make it to. Toilet's to clean. And somewhere along the way, supper to cook. So I suppose I need more then just the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart. I need every movement of my hands also seeking to please Him too!

 Please, keep me accountable.

 May your day - full of words, thoughts, activities (and perhaps toilets?)- be pleasing unto Him too!

Just a quick note...
When you look at this picture, what do you see?

 I got into bed last night, pulled the ancient and heavy, yet familiar and comfortable, Toshiba onto my lab and pressed the power button.
 I was greeted with an error message, asking me how I would like to restart the computer. Hmmm, good question, considering that last time I shut it down it hadn't seemed to have any problems. Well, let's just try regular.

 Not good.

 After about 30 seconds of "thinking" about starting Windows, it instead gave me a blue screen - the blue screen of death. Something about internal memory being wiped?
 That didn't sound good.

 So, I turned it off and tried again.

 Error message - let's try "start with last safe mode" this time.

 Again, 30 seconds of "let's give Bethany false hope", and again, the blue screen of death.

 Fiddlesticks.

 I was just bragging about how proud I was of that computer. Six years old, heavy as sin, but still going strong. I just had to spend $40 to fix the disk drive - because it wouldn't read disks anymore - but it was a perfect computer for Canaan to play games on, now that Andy is gone and took the "good" laptop. (that is a very loose definition of good - since we both hate the HP and will never buy another one. It is just smaller, and newer, so gets the label of "good").

 That Toshiba has been through a lot with us. Andy bought it right before his year long tour in Korea, and it was our main form of communication. It didn't have a built in webcam, few did at that time, but it was Skype ready and a free standing webcam was easy to find, so he got to watch Canaan, and my belly, grow on that computer screen.
 Just eight months after he got home from Korea he took it with him to Iraq, and once again, that web cam was the connection between us. He wrote dozens of E-mails, (all of which are saved to my E-mail "Andy" folder. Every single one.) He watched movies, and reorganized his music collection so that his I-pod would be easier to navigate. All on that Toshiba.
 It has played a huge part in Canaan learning his alphabet and how to use those letters to make words; how to count, then use those numbers to add, subtract and multiply. Many games have come and gone through the years. He has recently become addicted to "Age of Empires", and had claimed the Toshiba as his.

 But I kept borrowing it.

 For the first three years that I blogged, I ALWAYS sat at this desk, typing on my Mac. I have only gotten lazy in the last several months. But, oh, how I have enjoyed being lazy. It is so comfortable to sit in bed and blog, rather than sit at a desk at one in the morning! But it seems my days of comfort are over.

 Back to the workhouse, or at least the wooden chair, I go. Woe is me.

Oh Blogger, dear Blogger
How I have missed you, dear Blogger.
Sigh... how I have missed you.

Thoughts and words spill over
They have no where to go
Sigh... I have missed you dear Blogger!

I am coming back eventually. A few boxes left to find a spot for. A new school routine to settle into. Christmas to celebrate. Lots going on.
 Trust me, my camera is having a hey-day already.
 And that is just on my end. I haven't been able to read up on my fellow bloggers either. Comments are coming, eventually.

 For now I am going to celebrate the fact that the computer is plugged in and I am not using my phone as the only internet connection and that I uploaded 500 pictures off my camera, meaning I can view, edit and sort - and make way for more!

 One day at a time, right? See you on the other side!

All we do is pack, eat, clean, and do laundry right now. I am exhausted. However, Andy took a break with the boys tonight to play on youtube (keep them out of my hair) and found this. He declared it to be "me", and I must agree. Please, pause the music at the bottom, press play and enjoy!

 Today on the way home from homeschool co-op I had to suddenly slam on my brakes for an animal crossing the road. Now, I live about 20 minutes from base (which is where our co-op met this week) and the route I take meanders through the country. I have had to stop for deer, opossum, foxes, squirrels, cats, dogs, dead things that were unidentifiable, and even an armadillo once or twice.

Today I am writing to commemorate the life, and death, of a creature who has become a member of our family. Our spider! She introduced herself on the Sat. before Thanksgiving. That was Nov. 22nd. We have kept her in a jar, peacefully building webs since then. Several times I have though she was dead, and she has gleefully surprised me. However, I never got brave enough to feed her. We started feeling guilty about torturing her this long, (nearly six weeks!) and Andy was considering walking out into the empty field next to our house and letting her go, but then I read that a female black widow spider was more poisonous then a rattlesnake - that idea got vetoed!

 Just a few musical "notes".... (hahaha)

Andy received the bible on CD, read by Johnny Cash, from my sisters for Christmas. He listens to it in the truck most mornings, on his way to work. Shortly after christmas he came up with the brilliant catchphrase, WWJCD. Not, what would Jesus do, but what would Johnny Cash do. He drops it into conversation on occasion, just because he is Andy. Anyway, yesterday when he was searching the wonderful world wide web looking for pictures of Triumph motorcycles (his latest obsession) he somehow ran across a site that sells WWJCD bumper stickers. He was both thrilled (because it is SO cool) and crushed (because someone else had the same idea that he had, making him feel less original then he previously thought). As far as I know he did not order it, but I won't be surprised if a WWJCD bumper stickers show up on his truck in the near future.  That's my man!