Living, Laughing, Loving, Learning: blessings

Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts

Friday, January 15, 2021

Home?

I sent out a text to a group of local friends today asking for boxes and bubble wrap. It is time for the packing to begin. Just the “pre” stuff. I have to put away most of my decor and make the house less personal (translated= “boring”) and thus easier to sell.

Sending that text made me look at the actual date though, then do some counting. I am pretty sure we have broken my record. I have been here longer than anywhere else, ever, in my life.

That is always striking, breaking that record. Amusing, really, considering that the record so far stays at just over three years. But we have been here 3 years and 3 months now, and I think it was only 3 years and 2 months at Fort Bragg, the second time.

I could start adding times together? We were at Bragg twice, so I think we got almost 5 full years there, added together. I was in Rome, GA for 3 years of college and two years of working afterwards... but a different dorm room each year and three different apartments after graduation.

We were at Fort Leonard Wood twice, but even added together that doesn’t equal an entire year, lol. I wrote a similar blog the first time we were there.

The point is that places come and go.

My thoughts on the matter are summed up beautifully in Hebrews.

We so often spend too much time focused on this current home. Don’t misunderstand me- I am not saying that caring for your home and children is bad or wrong. I am only pointing out that this is not the final home. This house, big or small, new or old, decorated in just the way you like or barely holding together, this house is not the end of the story.

Make it a joyful home. Make it a love filled home. But remember this beautiful Proverb, please.

Wisdom and understanding far outrank fancy decor and expensive furniture. They outrank the latest healthy food and cleaning fad. They even outrank organization and schedule, because those aren’t the same as wisdom and understanding. I am a huge fan of organization and schedule, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t the same as wisdom and understanding. Build your house on the wisdom of the Word and striving to understand it, and then trying to understand with the greatest love you can the people who are put into your life.

Please my friends, don’t forget where that foundation is!

Before you know it the children are driving off to college. Or as my mom pointed out, before you know it the grandchildren are driving off to college! And since I have a grandmother going strong in her 90’s, I will add for her “before you know it the great grandchildren are driving off to college.”

From someone who has never had a physical home for long, focus instead on the people within and the neighbors nearby. The humans have so much more potential to last for the long run!

To those of you who have kept up with me through multiple moves, over multiple years: thank you! You have been the hands and feet and voice of Jesus to me, over and over!

To those of you who have befriended me each step along the journey: thank you! You also have been the hands and feet and voice of Jesus to me, over and over!

So, my friends, live fully. Love your neighbor, whether you have known them for two weeks or 20 years. Be the hands and feet and voice of Jesus, as so many neighbors have been to me over the years.

Be blessed my friends, with the gentle reminder added: SEE the blessings.

Thursday, July 09, 2020

The story continues...

Remember the new growth springing up from the ashes in the back yard?

Look how much it has grown!

The green growth is still reaching toward the sky with praise filled arms.

The beautiful red has declared it’s purpose and shown it’s glory.

(And tasted delicious) 😋

The story continues.

Remember the broken branch?

It looks sad at first glance.

The tomatoes near by have been harvested.

Many leaves have accomplished their purpose, turned brown and volunteered for their time of rest.

But wait....

That new growth is from it!

New life, new green, new tomatoes- farther away, but still part of the broken branch.

Still part of the healing branch.

The story continues.

“Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls— Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.”

‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Even when the vine has no fruit...

or so little that it is hard to see.

“Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let joy overflow, for you are united with the Anointed One!”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭TPT‬‬

There is lots of yuck in the world around us.

Sickness. Anger. Separation. Hurt.

Lots of yuck.

But, there is rejoicing called for in every season.

It is a choice.

Find the good.

Look farther.

There IS still a tomato on the broken branch.

There IS new growth coming from the ashes.

There is healing happening.

Keep looking.

Keep rejoicing, even when the celebration worthy events are harder to see.

You ARE blessed my friends. Choose to see it.

The story continues!

Thursday, April 09, 2020

Where the focus lies

I read an interesting blog from someone else talking about chronic illness, saying that perhaps this Coronavirus is giving those without sickness a view of what life is like for us, those who are fighting to stay alive.

The daily not knowing.

The “realness” of life.

I don’t think Coronavirus has affected me much, emotionally. Fear, and the fight against it, is a daily thing for me. I have been fighting against diseases that want to kill me for my whole life. I have packed my husband up and sent him off to jump out of planes and be prepared to not come home for nearly 20 years. Covid 19 truly hasn’t been anything.

No, the past has prepared me for fighting already.

I wrote this following paragraph, a quick jotting down of my feelings in the notes section of my phone, in October of last year in the middle of a really bad blood sugar day. It isn’t the first time I have felt it, and I doubt it will be the last.

I am tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of trying. When someone has cancer they are allowed to just quit. It is almost seen as admirable and honorable. I am not allowed to just stop taking meds and let the disease finish it’s run. Diabetes and epilepsy are both ones you are supposed to beat. Or at least fight. What if I don’t want to? What about when I am tired of fighting, just to stay alive.

Please Lord, give me some energy to keep fighting. One minute at a time.

I remember that soon after Joey Feek passed away her husband released a film showing the journey of their last years, their last joys, their last battles. To Joey, with love. We watched it soon after it was on video and I had to admit to Andy that I truly was jealous of her. She got to go home. She was able to be free, to be done with the fight.

He didn’t like hearing that, obviously, and looking back I can understand his reaction... and that is why I am unsure of how to post this here. I need you all to understand that this isn’t depression. This isn’t a death wish. This isn’t me being suicidal. This is just honesty: there are moments when having to fight my WHOLE LIFE to stay alive gets exhausting. Exhausting like running a marathon. Like birthing a child. Like fighting a war.
You are tired, both mentally and physically. You don’t truly want to quit. You have things you are looking forward to; finishing the race, holding that baby, winning the battle. But sometimes in the middle of it all you are just so tired that you almost forget how to breath. That is life with multiple diseases.
I think that Louisa May Alcott said it so beautifully, describing Beth’s last days in Little Women,
"...to make her forget the mortal weariness that was almost as hard to bear as pain."

Mortal weariness sums it up. Just so very tired. Two seizures, a blood sugar of 355 and one of 42, all in 48 hours is enough to make you just so..very... tired...

A couple days ago when the sun was shining and the birds were singing and I was pulling weeds and enjoying flowers and finding tomatoes already starting to show their beautiful selves, well, the tired wasn’t as heavy, it wasn’t as tiring.

Tomatoes, peeking out!

Just a spot of beauty

I am not always exhausted. Not always.

But since March was so ugly and I am “at risk” with a compromised immune system and don’t want to end up needing the ER because of an over abundance of seizures, my neurologist has put me back on another (of my old) seizure meds (in addition to my current one). So, I am in that lovely stage of working my way up in dosage, slowly adjusting to the exhaustion then adding another pill so I can be even more exhausted again.

It has been a rough couple weeks, emotionally and physically. It would have been, even if there hadn’t been multiple deaths across the country from a disease that we don’t understand. That’s the thing- my body is always failing.

I am always, always, choosing to fight to stay alive.

Choosing to have joy, or not.

Choosing to see the tomato plant and rejoice, or not.

Choosing to pull the weeds knowing they will return again tomorrow, but to pull them anyway, or not.

I need you to understand that this is a choice I make.

Every day.

It is never easy.

Sometimes it is not as hard, but it is never easy.

But here is the thing... I think that, unlike what the blog I read earlier and my own selfish moments want to insinuate, so are you. We all struggle. Everyone. Every day.

Pain. Fear. Anger. Exhaustion.

Different amounts. Different levels. Different reasons.

We can all be overwhelmed.

It is a choice, every day, how we respond.

I am not the only one. Perhaps Coronavirus is making things a little stranger or the pain a little stronger for some of you, but this isn’t a brand new thing.

It is the same choices as always.

So, please my friends, choose JOY!

Can you see the difference between those two nearly identical pictures?

Where was the focus? What was the focus?

It only took a split second to change, to make the choice where to focus my attention.

We can focus on the thorns on we can focus on the flowers.

That is the choice, over and over.

I am positive that we will fail at times and only see the thorns.

Then we get to blink, and refocus again.

Make a different choice the next time.

In the middle of writing this, in the middle of discussing with Andy the beauty of focusing on the rose instead of the thorn I realized that my life is a rose bush. My thorns -the diabetes, Graves’ disease and epilepsy- are here to stay. But they serve a purpose too. Thorns on a bush offer protection. They are sharp and dangerous and sometimes painful, but they do serve a purpose. My thorns do too, if I pay attention. If I remember to notice. The places I have been and the people I have met because of my thorns. The places I have not been and the people I have not met because of my thorns.

These thorns at times exhaust me.

Truthfully though, they make me who I am and I will choose to celebrate them. I will choose to celebrate the sometimes overwhelming but always beautiful rose bush of my life.

See the roses, and the thorns.

Enjoy the beauty and the strength.

Be blessed my friends, in the choices.

Be aware of them, time after time.

Make the right ones, exhausting time after exhausting time.

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Planting seeds and tearing down fences

Weary. Oh, what an appropriate word! I am certainly weary this evening!

It has been a very full week. Very full two weeks, actually.

We had gone to GA to see lots of people that we love for Spring Break. Then, while we were there the world sort of fell apart. We ended up coming “home” early, since everything around us was closing - schools, churches, jobs and stores. We never got to visit several people that we loved, because suddenly germs, and sharing them, were a much bigger fear than ever before.

Coronavirus.

We started this week unsure of everything.

I think that perhaps we are ending it still unsure of quite a few things.

But we stayed busy! Andy does not know how to sit still, and I am not very good at telling him no.

So, we tore down the back fence.

Then moved it back about 16 feet.

We “dug” a lot of holes, (he got an auger for his birthday) and leveled and cemented new posts into them.

Actually, we were able to reuse most of the old posts. We discovered the reason the fence was falling over was, in part, because there was so little cement used the first time it was built.

Most of the fence tear down and rebuild was Andy. The boys helped a good bit, obviously, and I chipped in some, but truly, that man has way too much energy!

He is a huge part of why I am “weary” here at the end of this week.

But not the only reason!

I also planted things.

The herbs survived the winter beautifully, one in each bed.

I added a few plants and a zillion seeds and spent some time cheering on the beautiful little surprise growth springing up in all three.

Some of it was weeds, obviously, but I am almost positive there are about a dozen tomato plants and a dozen peppers and several squash as well. We’ll see if my judgement is right in a few weeks. For now I will let them grow.

Then I bought some berry plants too!

You can’t really see them but there are six, each peeking out of those mounds of red clay, attempting life in the Deep South.

And sweet Samwise has been so confused! He knows where the fence use to be, and walks to the edge of it and smells, then stops, afraid he will get in trouble if he goes farther. In the above picture he is laying right at the border... testing things.

That seems to be the summary of our lives right now, I think.

Testing things.

What works and what doesn’t?

How do we best help our neighbor?

How do we plants good seeds without being weary?

Some of that was literal. The neighbor girl came and planted seeds with me. She fed me joy while I gave her attention. I don’t think we succeeded in staying 6ft apart the whole time, but we soaked up sunshine and placed seeds into egg cartons.

So, that is how I want to close this- plant some good seeds with your neighbors.

Tear down some fences that you usually don’t have time to even consider.

Use this change of schedule for something beautiful.

Be blessed my friends, in the middle of the unknown,

Plants good seeds! That wonderful harvest is promised!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Miller Cave

Friday evening Andy and I met some of his classmates for dinner at a local bbq place. While we were all chatting one of the couples told us about a local cave, open to exploring, right here on post.
She gave us the basic directions of how to get there and said, "If you come to a part that looks like you are about to drive off the edge of the earth, you have gone too far."

We found that part. :)

(This picture does not do it justice. It really does look like you are going to drop straight down!)

We turned around.

At first we thought this lovely little overhang was the cave.

So we enjoyed the view for a while.

But there was more!

This lovely little window...

had a beautiful view!

I adored this tree, and how it adapted to the situation it was given.

So inspiring, and simply beautiful.

There were two entrances to the "main" cavern -

Up and through...

or down and through.

We tried them both.

I had to take the camera bag off in order to fit through, but I made it!

I didn't get many pictures of deeper inside the cave. I don't have fancy enough equipment for that! There was a good bit of water, several neat little tunnels, and an unfortunate amount of trash.

Canaan "discovered" a part that Daddy didn't fit in, and Mommy wouldn't try to fit in. He got deep enough in that I couldn't see his light anymore! Fortunately for the sanity of mommy, there was a spider blocking the way and he came back. I am sorry that he inherited that fear from me, but this one time I was glad for it!

Just a few hundred feet away was another cave,

but it wasn't open for exploring.

So I made my boys enjoy a few flowers instead.

I love my boys.

I love their daddy.

I love the adventures we discover, right around the corner, every day.

Life is a little crazy sometimes, but life is good.

Enjoy your adventures my friends!

Blessings,

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A day that almost caused a cuss word

Today was a rough day.
Simple stupid little things, but they just kept coming.

My basket full of supplies (junk) that I carry everywhere, "just in case" fell out of the truck and spilled everywhere. Things started rolling down the hill into the neighbors yard!

But, it made me clean it out. I kept the sunscreen, even though summer is over, and the tylenol and chapstick. Emergency sewing kit, first aid kit, goldfish and granola bars. But the cloth napkins needed to be refreshed. Time for clean ones. Same with the emergency fork, knife and spoon. The juice box at the bottom was a flavor no one liked and the straw wrapper just needed to go in the trash. And seriously, I think 6 books are a few too many. Zion and I cut it down to three.
So that annoyance was turned into something useful.

We made it back inside after our busy morning away and realized that we had left the kitchen a disaster. As I carried a glass jar of bacon grease (from our authentic German potato salad) to the trash can - of course it slipped out of my hands and shattered all over the floor.

Not just broken glass.

Broken glass covered in bacon grease.

And two seconds into cleaning the phone rings.

The man Andy had arranged to come pick up some car parts was outside, calling to let me know he was here.

Sigh.

Glass all over the floor.

Grease all over my hands.

And car parts to load up.

Thankfully, I had met the man and his wife before. I told them the situation and they were very willing to wait patiently while I cleaned up the mess. Their only grand-daughter is in college already, so I think they enjoy a few minutes with my boys once in awhile.

But goodness how frustrating it was.

However....

It made me steam clean the floor. Not just talk about it.

The soccer practice schedule had been changed, which made the regular "schedule" of supper complicated.

Cleats decided to have an exceedingly difficult knot.

My brand new infusion site decided to slip and HURT every time I moved while at soccer practice.

The rough day just kept staying rough.

But the knot came undone. Supper was thrown together and even had enough leftover to feed Canaan again after practice. The infusions site was changed, again. A pain in the butt, literally, but it is working, which is what matters. And I was reminded that without it I would be dead. So even if it hurts every once in awhile, I really shouldn't complains!

All this to leads to my quotes of the day;

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

Which is followed by;

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Half way through the day I was actually asking God what I had done wrong to deserve all of this. And now I have to laugh. Because broken glass, tangled shoelaces and a pain in the butt diabetes... well, I really don't think those are worth worrying about!

Besides... I had chocolate too. He had blessed me with the pre-planning to make brownies- available just when I needed them.

God is good!

Blessings,

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thanksgiving, a week early

We're here! Our caravan of vehicles were loaded, driven, unloaded and returned to their proper locations. The bulk of the boxes have been unpacked and their contents put away. School books have re-emerged from banishment, much to the chagrin of two little boys.

This afternoon Andy and I were working on one of those last projects. One that makes it really feel like home, but truly, truly is not fun.

Hanging pictures.

I don't know. Maybe some people enjoy hanging pictures. But I can never decide what goes where; which color frame matches the other decor, what size is needed to fill a certain wall.

Then there is the actual hanging. Argh!

I must say though that moving, and hanging, and re-hanging pictures has been fabulous for our marriage.

Not so much right at the beginning.

But I think we have gotten the hang of it. Maybe.

Those old rules about "measure twice, cut once"... it is the same for "hammer once". We went thought a lot of putty in our first few houses. We have gotten better about discussing every picture first.

At one of our first houses he hung all the pictures, and they were so high up that I could barely see them. There was some disagreement about that. The next house he was still deployed when we moved in, so my mom and I did most of the decorating before he even came home. There was some disagreement about that too.

Today we took it one picture at a time, enjoyed a rainy afternoon, and measured everything at least twice.

Until the measuring tape broke in half. Literally.

We decided it was time to take a break after that!

I read somewhere recently, "What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you remembered to thank God for today."

Thankfulness has been on my mind a good bit lately. As we unpacked and I opened boxes of things I had not seen in a year, in this beautiful house that I never could have imagined- I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. Loud, rambunctious boys that run up and down the stairs every day. Food, that I love to make, in the amazing array we have available to us here in America, and that fits beautifully into the pantry here. My beautiful addiction who gets up at 5 every morning to go to PT, and the fact that he can. The proximity of a fully stocked and free to use pharmacy. Internet access, which I took for granted before Missouri. People to love, and be loved in return.

Thanksgiving is coming, and most of our nation will spend the day stuffing themselves, watching the parade, and preparing for a day of shopping early the next morning.

But hopefully the name of the holiday will stand out just a little and remind people why we take a rest on that day.

To THANK God for their amazing blessings.

Everyone has them.

Different then mine. That is what makes them their blessings. But blessings none the less.

Start practicing now. Thank Him tonight too.

Blessings to you,

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Speaking of Life and Death...

This is our hill

(we are on the left)

Looking down - we are about 1/8 of the way up the hill.

Looking up - still 7/8 left to go.

The boys and I walk to the top sometimes to find someplace flat to ride bikes. Then they can leave their bikes there and we walk another hill, exactly like this one, down to the mailboxes.

Canaan rode his bike down the hill not too long ago, with success.

He slowed down often, in fact coming to a complete stop part way down.

Unfortunately, I think it gave him a bit of a big head.

This last time he tried coming down the hill, he did not have success.

When he hit the gravel at the bottom he skidded out of control.

He managed to slide between the trailer and the big pile of construction refuse.

He jumped the smaller pile of construction junk, flipped, and landed, he thinks, on his back with the bike on top of him.

There, where you can see the tall grass pushed down.

I was walking down the hill holding tight to Zion's bike. (He insists on riding also, but as well as riding the brakes, he never gets to shake off the Mommy brake!)

So, I was several minutes behind Canaan. When I got to our driveway I expected to find him sitting on the porch, seeking shade. Instead, neither he nor his bike were in sight. I figured he was trying to ride in the gravel and dirt at the bottom of the hill. He hates it, but occasionally gives it a try.

Then, I hear "Mommy". In that trying not to cry, attempting to be brave but really just wanting to sob voice only an 8 year old has.

And I can't see him. I don't see his bike. I expect to see him wrecked in the gravel, and I can't see him. I can't find him. I am trying to be calm, "Canaan, Canaan" - but I am about to get to the panic mode, because I can't see him. I can't see him. Then I hear it again, "Mommy". And I am close enough this time to hear where it is coming from.

From the top of the ditch, he looks so far away. But, when I get there, he is standing up. So I go into "Reassurance mode".

"Look, nothing is broken. You are standing up and your arms work."

"Snif, Snif. I couldn't breathe for a minute."

"Yeah, I bet you got the wind knocked out of you. That's a big bike to have on top of you. I'm going to have to climb down in there and get you, aren't I. If I get poison ivy I am going to have to kill you child. You better hope there isn't any down here. Look, I'm even wearing flip-flops..."

As I am climbing down, teasing him to distract him, I see this huge metal bar, (rebar maybe?) sticking out of a piece of concrete RIGHT NEXT to where he landed. And my heart nearly stopped. That could have been IN him, rather then beside him.

While I was dragging his bike out of the ditch, and freaking out because there was a definite crack in the top of his bike helmet, he went into the bathroom and started trying to clean up. I wanted to get a picture while he was still covered in mud. He must have been on his stomach at some point in time, because the front of his shirt was coated in mud too, as well as his arms, face, back of his shirt, well, everything. I snapped this into the mirror of the bathroom. Then I just laughed when I realized that he thought he was going to be able to clean up with a washcloth. Boys! Avoiding a shower if at all possible...

He managed to come out of it with a black eye, a bruised leg, scraped knees and a bit of a sore stomach. That is all.
That is all.
We are so very blessed.

He hasn't wanted to ride his bike again yet. We have talked the whole thing up as a huge adventure, trying to make sure there is no fear left there holding on to him. I think I will encourage him to ride his bike again soon, before he only has bad memories associated with it. But I don't know that I want him doing that hill again!
Blessings,

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