Living, Laughing, Loving, Learning

 I can’t say with confidence when the first time I read Streams in the Desert was. I first wrote about it here, my blog, in 2008 and I don’t think that was my first time reading through. The collection of words that brought hope and comfort, gathered through a time of pain and confusion and later compiled into a book has spoken to me over and over. 

 This time as I read through I have been removing the tiny scraps of post-it notes left from previous journeys and finally christening the paper copy with a highlighter and pen, marking it with color and passion and even some of my own words. 

 It seems appropriate that the reading this morning was a beautiful story summarizing 2 Cor 6:10, “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”

 I did a very interesting combination of sobbing and laughing yesterday; sorrow and rejoicing. 

 Habit says that while on the tread climber I watch tv- I use to try to read a book...but it is hard to read, even on an iPad, while walking at a speed decent enough to count as exercise. Yesterday I pulled out a cardboard box we had removed from mom's new place and decided to explore the options given in old VHS and 8MM. I wasn't inclined at the moment to watch my younger sister's dance recitals or stage performances. Andy's graduation from basic training? No, thank you anyway. Canaan's ultrasound was tempting, but that wouldn't have been long enough to exercise to. Then, I found our wedding rehearsal. 

 That was worth watching. 

 Emilee, a few weeks shy of 20, was already practicing her future job as a wedding coordinator, having opinions. Kelsey and Mary Faith, only 15 and 13 made me laugh with their silly antics and faces, and yet also cry, realizing that my children are already older than my youngest siblings were when I got married. Mom was just so beautiful, so excited, so hope filled. Since I am just a few short years away from the age she was then, I love seeing the passion flowing out of her, having that to live up to in my 40's. 

 Two of the women I call my best friends now were not as well known yet then, and I texted both of them, laughing about the things that have changed. 

 Several people who were highly involved and deeply loved have drifted away, not through anything purposeful, just the passage of time and changing locations. I mourned that. 

 Both of the men who performed my wedding are gone. Frank Kaleb died years ago, but seeing that video made me miss him yet again. Mostly though, when Daddy pulled his wedding rehearsal joke and tried to quote the Princess Bride line, well, I simply sobbed. He was horrible at it. Comedy wasn't his strength. Somehow though, that made it funnier, his attempt to be funny. I had to laugh too, even while I sobbed.

 And that circles me back around to "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing."

 Today is an anniversary.

 The anniversary of my father’s leaving us, of joining with Jesus, of passing away. Of Death.

 I suppose every day is an anniversary of something. Memories come and remind of the past. Words come and bring both sorrow and hope.
 My amazing Jesus has been so very involved today, using those words for hope in the midst of sorrow. Please, please, don’t ever lose sight of the strength He gives when we aren’t expecting.
 This morning as I prepped for the day a new song came on, at least new to me. It is called “Show Me”, and sung by Audrey Assad. Listen, if you have a moment. I interpreted it to be about mourning. Maybe not only mourning a person, but a dream or a hope or a desire.
 The line it starts with, “You could plant me like a tree beside the river. You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild...but for now just let me cry,” fit so perfectly with the words of Emerson, which had already reached out and struck me this morning that I had to stop and catch my breath.

 This Emerson quote is long, but I can’t find it in my heart to subtract anything.

  “And yet the compensations of calamity are made apparent to the understanding also, after long intervals of time. A fever, a mutilation, a cruel disappointment, a loss of wealth, a loss of friends, seems at the moment unpaid loss, and unpayable. But the sure years reveal the deep remedial force that underlies all facts. The death of a dear friend, wife, brother, lover, which seemed nothing but privation, somewhat later assumes the aspect of a guide or genius; for it commonly operates revolutions in our way of life, terminates an epoch of infancy or of youth which was waiting to be closed, breaks up a wonted occupation, or a household, or style of living, and allows the formation of new ones more friendly to the growth of character. It permits or constrains the formation of new acquaintances, and the reception of new influences that prove of the first importance to the next years; and the man or woman who would have remained a sunny garden flower, with no room for its roots and too much sunshine for its head, by the falling of the walls and the neglect of the gardener, is made the banyan of the forest, yielding shade and fruit to wide neighborhoods of men.”

— Self-Reliance and Other Essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson
http://a.co/5xwkdFX

Oh, that last line! Don’t be sad if you are no longer able to be a peaceful, quiet, pretty little flower in a garden. Know that God is taking you farther, making you grow into a tree, and thus providing shade for the world around you. Like the blog I wrote recently, about the verse with the lines “so that”...this struck me the same way. God is using every moment. Even the hard ones.
 Perhaps you need to ask Him for a moment just to cry, but don’t get stuck there. Don’t be content there.

 The chorus of the Audrey Assad song says, “Bind up these broken bones. Mercy bend and breathe me back to life...but not before You show me how to die.”

 How to die.

 What do we need to die to, so that we can be a tree, rather than a flower? What can we mourn and then let go?

 Seek truth. Find the pain that makes you better and stronger and more of what HE has called you to be and then celebrate it. Cry those tears, then rejoice in what they create.
 Blessings my friends.

I have heard bad news more then I can actually handle recently. More than I can handle.
 I am supposed to be a woman of faith, leading others in truth, and I was yelling at my Savior recently.
The beautiful thing is that, as always, He let me, and loved me, and wiped my tears.

 I went searching in the Word and realized that this verse comes across very very differently in different translations.

“All things are done according to God's plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭GNB‬‬

“Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭TPT‬‬

“also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will,”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I cannot agree with the first translation. Not all things are done according to God’s plan. Absolutely not, because He gave mankind freedom to do what they choose. BUT, as the second translation says, He always accomplishes His purpose, after the counsel of His will.
 Do you hear the difference there? Not every thing that happens is in His plan, but His plan always comes about.

 I was crying to Him about trying to see the good coming from a situation. I have been able to, always throughout my life, find the good that can come from bad things.

  This time I can’t.

 Yet, in the middle of the night, He woke me and clarified so beautifully the difference.
 “Good doesn’t have to come from everything...but who we become from everything CAN be good.”

 I choose who I become. The bad things around me aren’t under my control. I can’t make people good. I can’t change the wrongs that hurt others. I can’t make good come from evil. Sometimes it is just evil. Satan won that battle, that soul, that relationship, whatever.
 But I can become good. Better. Even when I can only see bad.

 Keep trying.

 I need you my friends. Please, have hope. Please, try more. Please, share love and joy and patience in the middle of the crazy world around you.

 Keep trying.

I decided this morning it was time for Job again.  I return to that book over and over, and every time I learn something new. My fabulous Savior teaches me something new.
 This time I am reading a book, Portraits of Perseverance, by Henry Gariepy, along with it. I am only on page 17, so I can’t really say much yet, but this poem struck me this morning.

 One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
‘Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
‘Tis the set of the soul
That decides the goal
And not the calm or the strife. 

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The wind can be strong. The storms can be rough. Sometimes it may feel that we have nothing to say about where we are going and how we will get there.
 And yet...it is still our choice where we set the sails.
 It is our decision whether we try.
 It is our decision whether we trust.

 And trust, trust is the word.

 As the Psalms say so beautifully, we KNOW who stirs the winds. We KNOW who calms the winds.

https://www.bible.com/116/psa.107.25,29.nlt

When I started my senior year of college I really didn't know what I wanted to do with myself yet. I had "hurried", taken summer classes, and was going to graduate before I even turned 21. I had expected to have met my husband by then. I assumed God would have given me detailed directions about what the next step was. But when the fall semester started I was clueless. And worried.
 Just a few weeks in, I met Andy and only weeks after that he gave me a black leather journal. He bought it specifically for the mission trip I was taking to India in October, so I could record what I saw, felt, and experienced.
 And let me tell you, I recorded.
 Everything.
 Probably too much... no one ever needs to read it but me.

 But having stumbled upon it now 14 years later, I am so glad to have it.

 My senior year is recorded in detail. Lots of emotional ups and downs. Reading it now, looking back. I can recognize the reasons behind almost everything. But at the moment so many things seemed heartbreaking. Staggering.

 I certainly hope my emotions have calmed with age!

 I kept writing after I graduated. First full time job and apartment. The planning of the wedding. The terror of Andy's Basic Training - our first time apart. I vented through our first military move, and half way through my first pregnancy, then suddenly just stopped. One more entry, 2 1/2 years later while pregnant again.

 And that is it.

 Later, I spent years writing here in blogland.

 But now, where did the words go? Why won't they come out any more?

 I am seeking them.

 Until then, a poem I wrote just weeks after Andy and I started dating, at 3am, of course. I am highly amused that I felt the need to record not just the date, but the time also. A bit of my OCD coming out perhaps?


 Contained:
What an interesting word
A relationship cannot be 
   Contained
It frees itself
exposes itself

The elements: wind, rain, ice, sun
   they are harsh
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

The people: supportive, accusing, condescending
   they are vocal
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

The circumstances: time, place, responsibilities
  they are demanding. 
 It doesn't care
 Un-contained

It is new and amazing
yet frightening and stressful
It is beginning and end, light and dark, best and worst
  Everything
 Except contained


Lots of crazy emotions going on back then. :) It does not make me miss college! I am glad, though, that the "un-contained relationship" featured in this poem turned out so nicely.

 Anyone else want to share college memories?

 I spent some time recently being stressed. I tried not to be. I put effort into it.
 But guess what? I was still stressed. It took me a few days to remember how to fix it.

 Philippians 4:6 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God."

 With Thanksgiving.

 Romans 8:28 says "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

 In all things.

 I have had both those verses memorized for years. But I needed to read them again so that God could point out something new. Even after 30 years of earnestly seeking Him, there is new peace and joy just waiting.

 I have so much to ask for. Protect my husband. Keep me healthy. Guide my children.

 But if I trust that "all things work for good" then I need to remember to present my requests with thanksgiving. And I have even more to be thankful for. Strong, healthy, obedient children. Doctors that take me seriously and are willing to listen. An amazing husband who is my best friend also.

 As I have spent this last week praying about his trip to Afghanistan I have remembered to take the time to thank God first. And it has been so much easier.

 He is officially gone now and the 8 months have begun. So I know to say "Thank you Lord for a great start and for a man who is worth missing".

 All things work for good.

 I believe that!

 I'm still here.
 Still having a blast of a summer.
 But I try not to do much stopping. Because stopping leaves time for thinking.
 And right this minute, thinking is not cool.

 We still have about three weeks before Andy leaves.
 Or is it, We ONLY have about three weeks until Andy leaves?

 Depends on the moment.

 For now, I am working hard to stay busy. Play dates, the zoo, picnics in the park - and we are doing school two days a week! No time for thinking here!

 I think I will write more when he leaves. We'll see. For now, one day at a time.

'nuff said!

 Last week, like Alexander, I had a "Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." Truly, it just kept getting worse. My cycle started, which is probably TMI, but when you know you are never going to have another baby it just seems such a waste of time and energy. The heater in the bathroom suddenly quit working, so it was cold when I got out of the shower. Zion spilled his milk everywhere as we were trying to run out the door for homeschool co-op. My blood sugar went sky-high (over 300!) because somehow my pump was not attached correctly. I forgot the library books, so I couldn't return them. The line was humungous when I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my Synthroid. But we finally made it to the commissary. I just needed to pick up a few things - to get Andy through the week while we were gone. But of course I grabbed a few things on sale, and several for which I had coupons that were about to expire. Still, we made decent time, saved $25 dollars in coupons and tried to pay.

 No luck.
 Card rejected. 

I suppose a back story is needed here. Just a few days later my credit card had been hacked. As in someone tried to spend $1000 on it, and didn't have the expiration date. My bank caught it, called me immediately, and it was cancelled.
 But that left me with no card.
 We use ours for everything, then pay it off at the end of the month. (I refuse to pay interest on something I don't have to) But now my system was messed up.
 I only keep enough money in the checking account for a few basic things.
 And now that the credit card was unavailable I used the debit.
 And forgot that moving money to the proper account is sort of useful.

 Especially if you don't want to be standing at the grocery with over $100 worth of groceries and not be able to pay.

 I got online to my bank and transferred the money over. But by then I had gotten the password wrong on my debit several times (when I was first trying to figure out why it wasn't working) and the line behind me was horrendous.
 So the cashier dug through her drawer trying to find my coupons, and I sat there in complete embarrassment.

 We finally got the coupons back, got out the door with a small amount of my dignity intact, (but still no groceries), and went to the truck. At which time I started to feel just sick. So I checked my blood.

 27!!

Anyone who knows anything about diabetes can wonder why I hadn't passed out yet. But I hadn't, so I sat in the truck trying to find things to stuff in my face. I was seeing spots and things were blurring, but we found raisins and cranberries. A chocolate, down in the bottom of my purse.  And a moment of quiet.

 Canaan was as upset as I was. He is just old enough to be concerned about being able to pay the bills, and figuring out where money comes from and that it isn't un-ending. So I think he was also a little afraid. I realized that I was teaching them the complete WRONG way to respond.

 I stopped, and as he said, "This was the worst thing that could ever happen", I was able to give the proper response this time.

 "Not at all"

 I reminded them that we have each other, and they are all healthy and strong. My blood sugar was returning to safe levels as we spoke and we still have food at home.

 Then Canaan made it a special project to come up with disaster scenarios that would be worse then our day.

 "Lost in the desert, covered in boils and about to be kidnapped by aliens."
 "Already kidnapped by aliens and thrown into a pit with the (some monster from Star Wars) while still covered in boils and starving."

 And the list got even more creative then that!

 My blood sugar went back to normal, we got off base before rush hour, and we made it home with time to make dinner.

 But as we unloaded the truck from all the co-op supplies I realized that my little bag with a neatly organized box of coupons, divided by theme - well it wasn't there. Anywhere. After going to all that trouble to get my coupons back, I had lost the entire box.

 I think I may have cried at that point. 

 Ah well, what is money? Obviously with out CC being hacked and our debit card not working (because of my own failing), perhaps I was supposed to be learning a lesson about money.
 About dependence on it. 
 About trust in it.
 About living without it, or at least without as much of it. 
 About being reminded how very blessed we are, because our "living without money" was going a few days having to rearrange our accounts, rather then not having a job.

 Lessons are hard to learn. Sometimes they are even hard to find. Like, why in the world did the rest of my day have to be so difficult? So I could teach Canaan that there could always be worse and we have to trust no matter what? So that I would be better at finding the good, even in the moment I am most annoyed? Sigh

 But we are always learning. Sometimes we think we are "grown up" and should know everything we need to know. I have known Jesus my entire life. How in the world did I forget to trust Him for something as boring as groceries?

 So, a small moment of inconvenience in order to re-learn a lesson. I really can't complain.

 Although I did that evening, poor Andy! He loves me enough to sit and listen.

The next day on his way home from work, when Andy stopped at the commissary to pick up the few things he really needed while we were gone, he asked if anyone had turned in a bag of coupons. It was slightly mangled, and looked like it had probably been hit by a car, but it was there.
 The whole box, scissors and calculator included. Unable to be used, but full of all my saving potential.
 He stopped again on his way home, running into the local Walmart to buy me a newer, better box. He helped laminate dividers and label them clearly. The finished product is far better then the box I lost, and has the added bonus of being filled with love.

 I love that man.

 Money - an unfortunate necessity for feeding and clothing our children.
 Love - the best earthly thing imaginable.
 My Savior - The one who helps me remember how both those things rank.

 Hopefully I can be more organized for emergencies next time. Hopefully I can avoid blood sugars of 27 in the future. Maybe we'll go without spilled milk, broken heaters, and lost coupon boxes for the rest of time.
 But I doubt it.

 And you know what, that's okay!

 Because I know, and hopefully my children know now as well, that it sometimes feels like a "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day". But within that moment is the reminder to take a moment and give thanks for everything we take for granted.

                                              Blessings my friends,
                                 Bethany

It feels sometimes that God is quiet for days and days, and then suddenly He speaks so much. More then I can take in at once.
 But that is what paper, and computers, are for. Writing it all down, and mulling it over, and trying to digest the words that He is giving.

 Most of what I hear is wait.

 I had a fabulous discussion with a dear friend about butterflies. When she was in her early 30's she went though a time in a "cocoon". Waiting, growing, hurting at times. I think that is where I am right now. In my Cocoon season.

 Did I write this already? I feel like I might have. But I found a quote that I have clung to greatly. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." Richard Bach

 My cocoon is sometimes comforting, surrounding me like a soft blanket. Sometimes stifling, surrounding me so tightly that I cannot move. Sometimes it seems that it is a grave, and that I will be here forever. And at moments I can feel the wings growing, becoming something beautiful, and full of grace.

 And right now, what I hear is wait.

 I was reading 1 Samuel, soon after Saul had been appointed king of Isreal. They were getting ready to head into battle, and they knew they needed to ask for God's blessing before they went.  But Samuel, the priest, was just taking so long to get there. And they couldn't wait any longer. So they took things into their own hands.
 And Saul paid for it with his kingdom. All because he couldn't wait.

 Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

There is a "famous" verse - you hear it quoted all the time. "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

 There is a lot of tired around here lately. I can blame it on many things. Multiple medications, trying to control multiple medical conditions. The awareness that two special forces soldiers were killed last week in Afghanistan and the mainstream world is tired of caring. Or perhaps just the sneezing and sniffling of this silly cold.
 Tired comes. Weary, stumbling, and falling too.

 But the promise of renewed strength, and wings that soar- that is real. And I can feel it, when I remember to ask.

 Romans chapter 8 is full of all sorts of fabulousness. But once again, it reminds us to wait. Even when "we do not know what we ought to pray for"... "if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

 I told you, waiting is what I get to hear, over and over.

 But yesterday, I got thrown off my loop. Out of nowhere, in a story that I have read over and over, God taught me something new. (which is why it is important to read the Bible over and over again. Because you never know what He is going to tell you, even in a story you have had memorized since you were 5)

 In John chapter 6 there is a story about a multitude of people following Jesus around, listing to his teaching. Because he was fascinating. However, at some point in time they realized it was time for lunch. And there wasn't enough food for the crowd. One boy offered to share his two small fish and five loaves of bread. Not enough, but thanks for the offer kiddo. But then, though even his own disciples doubted him, Jesus blessed the food, broke it, and told them to pass it around.

 And if you grew up in the church, you know that it fed the 5000. The broke and passed, broke and passed, until everyone was full. Then, Jesus instructed his disciples to collect the leftovers. "Let nothing be wasted" vs12 says,

 Let nothing be wasted.

 Nothing.

 From 2 fish and five loaves of bread they gathered 12 baskets of leftovers.

 And while I am sitting here, waiting in my cocoon, what am I wasting? Do I have 2 fish? Do I have any leftovers?

 It may not seem like much. Certainly not enough to feed 5000. But Jesus blessed it, and multiplied it, and said "let nothing be wasted."

 So my caterpillar self will wait patiently. Share fish and "Let nothing be wasted". And hopefully emerge as a butterfly soon.

Today was a rough day.
Simple stupid little things, but they just kept coming.

 My basket full of supplies (junk) that I carry everywhere, "just in case" fell out of the truck and spilled everywhere. Things started rolling down the hill into the neighbors yard!

 But, it made me clean it out. I kept the sunscreen, even though summer is over, and the tylenol and chapstick. Emergency sewing kit, first aid kit, goldfish and granola bars. But the cloth napkins needed to be refreshed. Time for clean ones. Same with the emergency fork, knife and spoon. The juice box at the bottom was a flavor no one liked and the straw wrapper just needed to go in the trash. And seriously, I think 6 books are a few too many. Zion and I cut it down to three.
 So that annoyance was turned into something useful.

 We made it back inside after our busy morning away and realized that we had left the kitchen a disaster. As I carried a glass jar of bacon grease (from our authentic German potato salad) to the trash can - of course it slipped out of my hands and shattered all over the floor.

 Not just broken glass.

 Broken glass covered in bacon grease.

 And two seconds into cleaning the phone rings.

 The man Andy had arranged to come pick up some car parts was outside, calling to let me know he was here.

 Sigh.

 Glass all over the floor.

 Grease all over my hands.

 And car parts to load up.

 Thankfully, I had met the man and his wife before. I told them the situation and they were very willing to wait patiently while I cleaned up the mess. Their only grand-daughter is in college already, so I think they enjoy a few minutes with my boys once in awhile.

 But goodness how frustrating it was.

 However....

 It made me steam clean the floor. Not just talk about it.

 The soccer practice schedule had been changed, which made the regular "schedule" of supper complicated.

 Cleats decided to have an exceedingly difficult knot.

 My brand new infusion site decided to slip and HURT every time I moved while at soccer practice.

The rough day just kept staying rough.

 But the knot came undone. Supper was thrown together and even had enough leftover to feed Canaan again after practice. The infusions site was changed, again. A pain in the butt, literally, but it is working, which is what matters. And I was reminded that without it I would be dead. So even if it hurts every once in awhile, I really shouldn't complains!

 All this to leads to my quotes of the day;

 "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

 Which is followed by;

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 Half way through the day I was actually asking God what I had done wrong to deserve all of this. And now I have to laugh. Because broken glass, tangled shoelaces and a pain in the butt diabetes... well, I really don't think those are worth worrying about!

 Besides... I had chocolate too. He had blessed me with the pre-planning to make brownies- available just when I needed them.

 God is good!

 I had a moment today when I thought perhaps I didn't want to be a homeschool mom any more.
 At least, not to a stubborn red-headed six year old.

 At 11:30 he told me he was starving. Since he hadn't finished his breakfast until 8:30 I knew he wasn't going to die. I told him when he finished his handwriting we would have lunch.
 All he had to write was the date and the verse of the week:
 Monday, August 27, 2012  "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved. Acts 16:31"

 It was printed for him. All he had to do was write it below, to practice his letters.

 But for some reason, some small voice in the back of his head declared "Don't do it."

 I told him that he couldn't eat until it was finished.

 He wrote "Mon".

 Canaan and I ate lunch.

 He got up and wondered around the room.

 I fussed at him to get back in his seat.

 We had a staring contest, in which I insisted that I really was the boss, and that he was not going to eat until he did was he was told. Even if he was "Starving".

 I called his dad and left a voice-mail.

 He finished "Monday"

 I called my mom and nearly cried.

 He wrote "Aug"

 It was now 1:30...

 2 hours!!

 He hadn't eaten. He hadn't gotten any other school done. I was so frustrated with him that I had gotten very little done with Canaan.

 My mom had my dad call and encourage him, but first she encouraged me.

 You see, I was so busy being frustrated with him, insisting that he obey, feeling like he was defying me...  I had forgotten to take the time to sit and listen to him.

 Perhaps that first 15 minutes really was simply rebellion. But when I sat with him I discovered that he was upset because his M was crooked. And he felt he had started on the wrong line, and now his u was not the right shape.

  He let his frustration compound until he wasn't in control of his emotions anymore.

 We erased the whole thing and started again.

 A clean slate.

 Working together we had it done in less then 10 minutes.

 He wasn't the only one who learned a lesson today.

 I was reminded that we all have moments of stubbornness. We all need a clean slate sometimes. And when we are willing to listen to the guide who desires to help us the work is so much easier.

 Why is it that my children end up teaching me just as much as I teach them?

 As last week's verse said, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23 We are well aware of that one.

And next week? We are working on the letter C. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Eph 6:1

 We'll take that one on when it comes!

 For now, that power struggle has me exhausted. Time for bed!

I have been "gone" for a very long while now. Part of it will be talked about later. But, a very large, and important, part of it was this...



 There was lots of prep work. Obviously. And our family doesn't believe in letting other people be in charge of our events. We LOVE our friends and family who help. Couldn't survive without them. But complete and total control and dominion - well, that stays in "our" hands. (and by our I mostly mean Emilee) I simply do what I am told!

 First things first - I must admit that I have not been so sure about this Josh guy. He did the entire dating process while we were in MO. They have had their engagement while we have lived here in NC. And I had missed the entire thing. Before we went home for the wedding I had spent less the two weeks with him, combined.
 So I must admit, much to my shame, that I was grumpy during the week of the wedding. There were other, outside forces contributing - once again, we'll talk about those later - but the fact that I was giving away my baby sister to a practical stranger was a little hard for me.

 But at the rehearsal dinner he sang her a song.



 And it was suddenly much easier for me to be ready for the next day.

 The professional pics will be around eventually, and I am sure they will be all over my house, but for now, I am getting quite a kick out of the ones from my camera "back stage" and from Kevin's all along the way.