Hello to all!
This past couple weeks at Chez Angie, I have actually taken my camera from its bag and used it for its given purpose a few times. I was noticing that I have a few before and after shots of some things you probably couldn't care less about important events. So, I am dedicating this week to a before and after theme.
Today's Theme:
Me and Hannah. I call her maHannah, as if she were mine, even though TECHNICALLY she belongs to my sister and Matt. She was born in July of 2008 just before Brian took his more drastic decline. She was a breath of fresh air for me in a dark time of my life. When she would come to visit, as so many someones did during Brian's illness and dying process, (by the way so many someones? - the door is still open and the roads to Peoria are still in tact) she was a reminder of life and development and future - mmmmm..hahhhh, did you hear that? That was, again, that breath of fresh air. Also? She was the first girl born into my family after 5 grandsons on Brian's side in 14 years and 3 boys on my side in 11 years. So, again, Breathe it in and Breathe it out. That is fresh air - GIRL air!
Today's before:
Today's After:
Anyway, the before picture is on Thanksgiving Day. Me and maHannah. The after picture is me and maHannah after her face met the springs of the trampoline in the 2-1/2 seconds someone let go of her to get on the trampoline herself. Seriously, folks SPLIT SECONDS. Still, accidents happen, and beautiful little girls look like they get in bar fights and have liquid stitches, but still look beautiful. Just slightly mangled.
By the way, do you like my shirt I am wearing in the after pic? My good friend, Michelle, designs and sells those shirts. Happy Family Creations. You can get them to represent all the people in your family. I'm gonna get a new one that has just two boys on it since that after picture shirt is actually now my before shirt.
KEEP BELIEVING
Kris, Adam, Brian, me and Mindi just before we left Alexander's Feb 14, 2009
Life has been happening all around us. It is strange, yet comforting to go about every day business as if nothing is happening.
Brian is doing remarkably well. He is maneuvering the stairs and house. He is quiet, but conversational if he feels he can or wants to contribute. He is involved. He is attending the boys soccer games. He is playing cards. He is in good spirits. He feels relatively well. He has vomited a couple of times in the last week, but nothing terrible, and no all-day episodes like in the past.
Hospice will be calling on us once per week for now for Brian's care. I have a lot of resources for the kids and understanding this process. However, though, the overall mood of the house right now is uplifting and joyful. The visitors that Brian has had are not here saying goodbye, but rather living life adjacent to Brian for a little while longer. Saying goodbye can be awkward. It is difficult to say how long Brian will continue to do this well, so we don't guess. I didn't expect him to be doing as well as he is right now. He is doing better than he was even 3 weeks ago. That in and of itself is a small miracle.
This past weekend our visitors included my family - my sister and brother and their families and my parents. It was very fun and Brian did great. The layout of the house worked well to accommodate all 15 of us. We missed my nephew, Andrew, who is in college, though. My brother and Heather were supposed to come without the kids since the kids have so many sports obligations, but all of them ended up coming on Thursday. You see, they live in Paducah, KY which has hard hit by the latest ice storm. The kids' school and all events were cancelled since they are STILL without power. Our house was like an oasis for them with phone service, Internet access, TV, a warm fire and power. As terrible as the ice storm is for their area, I feel blessed that God granted us all time together without the nagging of other missed events. Small miracles.
Brian's little brother, Michael and Jen had their first baby - McKenna Riley on Wednesday, January 28. McKenna Riley is the newest cousin to 5 male grandsons and the newest niece to 2 uncles. In case you didn't read into that, she is the first female born into Jan and Ed's (Brian's parents) lineage. I am so happy to have the celebration of McKenna's birth to commemorate this time rather than Brian's failing health. Twelve years ago, my brother, Kevin and Lisa had their baby girl, Lexie. They were induced just a day after Brian was diagnosed with his brain tumor. They made Brian and me the godparents in order to help us remember a joyful occasion during that time of May instead of the anniversary of Brian's diagnosis. That was very special to us and I always think of how life happens and joy is all around us even in the midst of our struggles. McKenna is another reminder of small everyday miracles.
Speaking of miracles, Brian made it out to the boy's soccer games last week. He attended both Grant and Gavin's games due to the kindness of a few that helped Brian get into the building and others that cleared the walk for him to get in the building without slipping. Grant played a great game as he usually does - hustling and trying his hardest. He was awarded the Gatorade for best defensive player by his coach that day. Daddy was there to see it. The next night, Gavin scored a goal. Any of you who have ever seen Gavin play in the last year know this is TRULY MIRACULOUS! And Daddy was there to see it. Small everyday miracles.
KEEP BELIEVING
cautiously optimistic half-smiling, half-empty Angie with Gavin minutes after birth
totally optimistic, full smiling, half-full Brian with Gavin minutes after birth
That’s what we did.
The next day, your birth mommy was released from the hospital. She and I were given arm bracelets that matched yours. She filled out the birth certificate with her name and information. We would fill out another 6 months later. For the next 4 days, you stayed in the hospital despite your thriving health. We were not allowed to take you without a court order. With no agency involved, no one would take that legal liability and rightfully so. We came up to that hospital 3 times a day for 2-3 hours at a time holding you, feeding you, changing your diaper, inspecting you and devouring you. We brought up your Memaw and your Papa and your Aunt Mindi when we knew Rose would not be there, too. Not that we didn’t want them to meet someday, but we didn’t want the pressure of them knowing each other if something fell through. The town is small. We did it to protect everyone.
On Monday morning, September 24th, Rose and her husband signed the papers. We had a court hearing and were given legal custody of Baby Boy Thursday, which is what they called you in our petition for adoption. We went to the hospital with all our documents and met Rose and her husband. There can be no moment more bittersweet. The very event causing my utopia and elation was the darkest moment of Rose’s life. My unending gain was her forever loss. My greatest gift was her ultimate sacrifice. My respect for her decision has grown exponentially over the years. She had every right to parent you, Gavin. She didn’t ‘give you up’ as so many mistakenly claim. No, she gave up herself. 
outside courthouse - Memaw, Angie, Brian, cousin Kim, cousin Jenny, Aunt Judy, cousin Scott, PaPa.
NOW totally optomistic, half-full (cuz we had a court order) FULL smiling first time Mommy!
We stayed in Missouri for a full week until the inter-state documentation could be completed. Mommo and Poppo drove 4 hours to meet you and then back to Illinois. Poppo put together your crib. Mommo painted your room and displayed all the baby things we had acquired cautiously. We had borrowed the car seat, bouncy seat and so many other items to avoid the pain of returning it all if things had unfolded differently. My family all came to meet you and held a baby shower for us. One huge party was thrown in your honor, Gavin. In my family of 25 aunts and uncles and 32 first cousins and multitudes of second cousins, you were the first to enter our family via adoption.
Daddy’s family had a shower for us when we returned to Illinois. Once again, you were celebrated and introduced to a family EVEN larger. Daddy’s family has welcomed several via adoption and we are very familiar with the joy that can accompany such a miracle.
Gavin, this all transpired seven years ago. The emotions surrounding that time were so raw and powerful – both the highs and the lows. Writing them fills me with such admiration and appreciation for your birth family again. It fills me with that first-time-mother uneasiness. It fills me again with the shock of experiencing a new kind of love. So many have asked me throughout the years, “Don’t you feel like he is so lucky to have you? That you saved him?” I reply, “No. There is no doubt Gavin would have ended up loved. So very loved. A birth mom who is willing to do what Rose did for us loves in a way even I can’t understand. No, we didn’t save Gavin. Gavin saved us.”
You came to us in God’s way in God’s time. I have come to understand adoption as an even greater miracle than childbirth. The same timing of a woman and man’s body needs to align. Further yet, an aching family has a need as another family agonizes over an aching decision. Oh how miraculous indeed. What makes our story even more miraculous was our timing – mere months prior, if in-vitro was successful, we would not have YOU. YOU make our family what it is today. Mere days later, we would have been on our next path to in-vitro again. Our paperwork was rushed and finalized a mere 2 weeks before your birth. Had Rose understood the process and had a better counselor at Catholic Services, she probably would have continued on that path. Had Aunt Judy not worked with Rose to begin with, we would not have known about you. Oh, Gavin, God’s hand was SO INVOLVED in this. We were not looking to adopt. Your birth family was not sure they wanted to choose adoption. It was all God’s choice for us. God spoke to Judy’s heart to mention us to Rose. God spoke to Rose’s heart to consider us. God spoke to our hearts to strongly consider this child he created (you). God timed everything perfectly. He even helped finance it. We had spent so many thousands of dollars trying various fertility treatments. Being an open adoption with no agency involved, we had our financial assistance to Rose and our home-study and legal costs. However, they were thousands less than the standard adoption fee of 15% of our gross income. Yes, God led us together as He so expertly does in His infinite wisdom and in His often unconventional ways, and we are humbly grateful for His constant provision in our lives.
So, Mindi called on her way out of the cardiologist office at St. Louis Children's today. Hannah had her echo today with the pediatric cardiologist (pc for future reference in this post). Her echo was normal. They almost let them go. The pc said, let's do a ECG (electrocardiogram) before you go. They did. It was not normal. Here is what they found.
WHAT IT IS:
Hannah has a condition called Wolff-Parkinson-White (WPW). It is a condition in the heart where-in an additional electrical pathway exists between the upper and lower chambers. Many people with WPW have no issues or problems. However, WPW can set people into different conditions called arrhythmias. The most common of these caused in children by WPW is called Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT). This is a condition in which that additional pathway/conductor sends an extra signal to the between the chambers of the heart causing an extra beat and keeps doing it until basically the heart is racing extremely fast. It has to be stopped by external measures or it will continue and get worse. WPW can also cause Atrial Fibrillation in more extreme cases. Hannah's ECG at the hospital last Thursday night also showed this condition. However, they do not think she was in SVT that night. Personally, that surprises me, but just because I spend a lot of time with Brian at the doctor and researching medical stuff for us, does not make me a doctor. Regardless, what happened with Hannah that night is what led to this diagnosis, so thank God for that.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Signs of SVT in infants are sudden increases in heart rate, difficulty breathing, lack of interest in eating, lethargy, and noticeable chest palpitations. Naturally, since the child is an INFANT, the INFANT, by design, is unable to tell you he/she is experiencing such symptoms. So, Mindi and Matt are to acquire a stethoscope and periodically check Hannah's heart rate. If the condition continues as she gets older and sets her in SVT, dizziness, uncomfortableness, difficulty breathing, etc. can occur.
WHAT TO DO:
You are the lucky parents of a baby with a diagnosed heart condition! What do you do now?!?!? Nothing. mmmhmm. Nothing. Besides watch for symptoms of SVT or more serious heart arrhythmias, the instructions are to do nothing except follow up with the pc every 6 months. Hannah COULD outgrow this. Hannah COULD never have a problem from WPW. She COULD go into SVT, and if they think she is in SVT, then they are to try home external measures stimulating the vagus nerve to bring her out first such as ice on the face and neck, gagging her and taking her temperature rectally. (Wha??? cuz apparently having something up your butt calms the heart stimulating the vagus nerve?) As she grows, if she is in SVT, she will be able to communicate it as it is a rather unpleasant condition to be in. She may also be able to stop it on her own with cold, fizzy drinks, popping her ears, holding her breath, etc. Yes, strange, but google it, you will see. If these measures don't work and she has been in SVT for a while (hour) they are to calmly take her to the ER where medications will be administered to bring her out of the arrhythmia.
LONG TERM:
Many children with WPW never have any SVT or other arrhythmias. Some do. There is no evidence that being in SVT damages the heart long term. Some require medication because of complications. Some don't. There are procedures such as an electrical impulse attempting to close the extra pathway available. Hannah should stay away from stimulants like caffeine, smoking, alcohol and certain medications. There are no restrictions to her activity, but as she is older, she will be able to tell if strenuous activity causes her problems.
HOW ARE THE PARENTS:
Good question. They were stopping for lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings to Mindi's dismay when she called because Matt needed a beer. Mindi was doing okay. Taking it all in. I was googling stuff and reading her stuff as she listened on the phone. As with researching ANYTHING, you are going to read best and worst case out there. So, you have to take it in stride. Then you are going to read a site that says MEDICATION NEEDED only to realize you are on a drug company's page, etc. You have to filter and do what is best for you and your family. I am so glad I will be able to see them Sunday and a couple days after.
Please keep them in your prayers:
For Hannah to outgrow the condition and God to remove it from her life
For the condition to give her NO complications
For easiness and rest of those surrounding Hannah. (china doll syndrome, as I am going to name it)
For ease of mind of the parents.
For a normal life.
I would love to close this post with a recent picture of beautiful Hannah, but as luck would have it, she has also been plagued with a vicious case of baby acne, according to Mindi. So I will leave you with a photo which I have posted before:
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and wishes. Mindi reads these comments, too, so please direct your comments as though they are for Mindi today.
KEEP BELIEVING
I have a friend. One of those friends that knows and understands you better than you know and understand yourself. One of those friends that would and has dropped whatever was pressing in her own life for whatever was more pressing in yours. One of those friends that makes you laugh a belly laugh with one simple silly expression or look. One of those friends that you can say just about anything to because she will still love you anyway and rarely judges you. One of those friends that gets you so tickled with one stupid word that brings back one ridiculous memory that you laugh until you have to run to the bathroom. One of those friends that just sits there while you cry and says nothing because she knows there is nothing to say. Yeah, one of those friends.
My friend just so happens to be my sister. And today, just so happens to be her birthday.
My friend has been there for me my entire life. She loaned me money in my teen years to pay a lawyer to fix a speeding ticket after I was too foolish with my own money and my parents froze my account. I don’t even need to mention that she didn’t tell my parents about the speeding ticket. She was the moral support I needed during my 20’s to keep me grounded in what was important in the scheme of life. She has always put family first and self second. She flew to California during one of Brian’s surgeries earlier in our marriage to be by my side and help me through it all. When our children arrived, she took vacation from her job and stayed up for the middle of the night feedings taking care of my boys. She has tolerated hateful and insensitive remarks coming from my own mouth and forgiven me and moved on. She took the time and money to come visit us with her family when we were living in Canada. When we were in California in 2007 for Brian’s most significant and difficult surgery, she helped my mom with the boys as soon as Mom arrived back in the states with them – to try to give my boys more love and stability in the most confusing time of their lives. This past year in what has been perhaps one of the most trying times of our lives, she and her family have visited us in Peoria at least 7 times, realizing unselfishly that it is difficult for us to always be the ones to travel. When we announce we will be coming their way, she clears their calendar. She is always there when I need her and when I simply want her.
Mindi is kind. She is compassionate. She works hard. She is a fantastic mother. She is loyal. She is innocent, yet wise. She is a devoted wife. She is real. She is silly. She is organized and efficient. She plans ahead. She is a dedicated employee. She is fun. She thinks things through. She is giving and thoughtful.
Sugar and spice and everything nice. Oh, hi. Sorry I was side-tracked for a second.
My sister, Mindi and her husband, Matt, had their ultrasound today to find out the gender of their baby. NOW, I'M NOT SAYING WHAT THEY'RE HAVING. No,that is THEIR JOB!
I sure hope S/he prefers princesses to power rangers.
I sure hope S/he prefers dolls to dinosaurs.
I have two kids, but NOT ONE OF THESE. Brother Kevin has 3 kids, 2 of which are these. Mindi doesn't have one of these. Brother-in-law Sean and Sister-in-law Cheryl have 3, but NOT ONE OF THESE! Murph and Jen will probably have FOUR of these when their time comes. There have been 6 kids born in the past ELEVEN years on both sides of Brian's and my families, but NOT ONE OF THESE! We don't even remember what to DO with one of these. What will we do with all THOSE BABY CLOTHES NOW?
KEEP BELIEVING
This past weekend, my sister, Mindi, her husband, Matt, and their 3-year-old, Logan, came for a visit. As always, we had a most splendid time - a few beers, Euchre, late nights, reassembling our trampoline (worked out for us anyway - another story), a little bowling and lots of good food (all made by me this time - I just realized we didn't go out at all did we, Min?) They had spent the 3 nights prior to their visit here banished from their own house due to a major ice storm that hit their town and landed them without power for 48 hours. By Sunday, they were gravely missing their own bed and their house. About an hour before they were going to depart, the boys were getting rather wild and Gavin decided he wanted to go outside to play. I suggested they jump on the reassembled trampoline. Grant and Logan decided to follow. It was windy, wet and cold that morning, so I suggested wearing snow pants. Mindi was hesitant due to the conditions and commented they would need another bath if they got into the mud. I assured her they would be fine – worst case their outer layers get a wee bit muddy and wet on the trampoline. No big deal. I gave Mindi a pair of snowpants and an old coat for Logan so he wouldn't get his own all wet before their 4-5 hour car ride. We bundled the kids and sent them out back. Within minutes, we noticed no jumping, but lots of little-boy mischeivious shrieking. Here is what they decided to do instead:
Mom, you don't need to go to the spa, I've got a mud wrap right here for you.
Look, I've already done my backside. This will be REALLY easy to launder, btw!
Grant, you are supposed to take those off before you come IN, not OUT! Oh and thanks for shoe laundry to add to my regular laundry and now outerware laundry!
Gavin, this would really look good on your face!
Here let me show you!
Oh! That Gavin and Grant are always so NAUGHTY! I would never get that muddy!
Never say NEVER!Jim at Busy Dad Blog and Christine at Chicken Fried Therapy and Piper at Bliss in Bloom birthed a concept for Friday posts in February – Leap of Faith Friday . The idea is to do something in your life that you would not ordinarily do, something that is out of your comfort zone and then post about it on Fridays. My leap today is to share some embarrassing information about myself.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I had ordered suggested to my hubby not to spend money on me since we are in a budget crunch this year and we don’t have lots to spare. So, my super-sweetie simply disregarded said orders and surprised me with a splendid spa certificate, SWEET! (just wanted to see how many /s/ sounds I could get in there.) I got him a singing Hallmark card that plays a Johnny Cash song. Feeling a bit sheepish about the one-sidedness of the deal, I decided to greet him after a hard day’s work showered, shaven, perfumed, hair blown dry and face made-up with a nice dinner. Seemed only fair to even the scales: Day at the Spa = Johnny Cash singing card with a good smelling wife and kitchen. Yup, all’s fair now.
Anyway, in my every day life, I rarely fix my hair and the only make-up I wear (if any) is a quick swipe of blush on the apples of my cheeks and one pass of mascara on my lashes. (I hate the way my eyes look without mascara (tired and sad)) Yesterday, however, I applied base, mascara, blush, bronzer, lip gloss AND eyeshadow! This really is a Christmas and Easter rarity around here these days, folks. However, there is one problem with this. Foundation/base suddenly makes any facial hair I may have more apparent.
My sister, God love her, about 4 years ago brought facial and strange neck hairs into reality in my life. I still hate her for this. She once asked me as she stretched out her neck looking to the sky if she had any neck hairs.
Me: GROSS! NO!
Mindi: What? Don’t you get them?
Me: OMG! No I don’t get NECK hairs! Nasty!
Mindi: Let me see.
Me: (looks up)
Mindi: HA HA HA HA HA HA
Me: LIAR! Where?
Mindi: Right there.
And there it was. A lone, misplaced whisker growing under my chin mocking me and convincing me the next step was transformation into The Fly. Thanks to this revelation, I am paranoid about neck hairs but haven’t noticed any in quite some time. I now attribute this to non-make-up camoflauge. Without cosmetics, they blend and hide amidst the aging, splotchy skin.
As I left the house yesterday, all beautified and smelling good, to head to my first stop - the Kindergarten Valentine party - I realized I forgot to get prizes for the games. So, I detoured to Dollar Tree for some 6-year-old delights and took a quick look in the rearview mirror to admire my lovely, shaded brows and pouty lips. I was wearing sunglasses (first day in a LONG time we had enough sun to warrant shades), so when I looked in the mirror, I was instead greeted with not one, but TWO mocking neck hairs. Nice! My trip to the Dollar Store netted an 8 pack of play-dough, a 12 pack of pencils (lesson learned, by the way, only give Kindergartners ONE option if you expect to leave the room with any dignity), AND a pair of tweezers, which I will NOW carry in my purse at all times.
My final leap of faith this Friday is sharing the humiliating picture of myself (yes, that I took with this blog in mind - pathetic, I know) plucking the hairy little demons from my otherwise feminine neck in the Dollar Tree parking lot.
