KEEP BELIEVING

Bloggonit, it has been a VERY long time since I last posted. And there is good reason for that. I have not been home. And we do not own a laptop. We are stuck in this house to the old computer desk (which is now in the same room as the new Wii after some rearranging) if we want to cop some computer time.

I am sure I have lost just about every reader I had that read this blog for any reason OTHER than to find out how Brian fares. Since that is the case, the remainder of this post will be to update you on exactly that.

I had said that Brian was going to start chemo on Dec. 29th. We delayed that a week. He is now to start tomorrow, Jan 5, 2009. He has an appointment sometime in the morning. Only I have no idea what time because the last few weeks my brain has been in the toilet or covered in vomit or something along those lines and I don't know where I wrote it down but I didn't write it in my calendar and don't ask me why - I am sure it has something to do with vomit. I will explain.

On Wednesday night, Dec. 17th, Gavin complained of an upset tummy. He began vomiting around 10 pm that night and proceeded to upchuck no less than 7 times until around 10:00 am. He was on the mend, but missed school Thursday. On Thursday night we received one of our many recent ice storms, so school was cancelled on Dec. 19th. Gavin's Christmas break therefore started at the end of school on Dec 17th. When none of us showed signs of the stomach bug for the next three days I assumed we were in the clear. Not so. Brian woke up vomiting all day on Sunday, Dec 21. Grant began vomiting on Sunday evening. I never did. I told Brian, however, that it would be nothing short of a Christmas miracle if I didn't end up with this stomach virus. When I didn't get it for the next three days, I assumed that was the case. Rather, I awoke on Christmas morning with feelings of nausea and illness all day. The good news is that no one else in our extended family was plagued with the illness. No, there seems to be a special place reserved for us on Satan's hit list for ailments.

We were hopeful that Brian's episode that Sunday could be attributed to the bug, but we are not sure. You see, Brian has been having many of these episodes lately. Sometimes it is limited to once or twice in the morning with a pleasant afternoon. Other times, it lasts all day - for instance Dec. 13, Dec. 21, Jan 1. He had smaller episodes on Dec 24th, Dec 30th and Jan 4th. He just vomits. It is strange. It is scary. It is annoying for him. He can't make it to the bathroom in time, so he keeps a bucket nearby and that is embarrassing for him if the boys are around. We can't keep them away all the time, though, and we never know if or when he may be overcome with an urge to vomit. And I know this all sounds gross with the overuse of the word vomit, but it isn't really nausea. He is fine one moment and then just throws up the next, so the term 'vomiting fits' is the only way I know to explain it.

In addition, his right side appears to be getting weaker with some balance issues. Walking for much of a distance is growing more challenging and any sort of uneven surface is just about out at this point in time. He struggles to open most cans and his pill bottles, but insists on trying. He still navigates stairs as long as there is a railing.

He is tired a lot. He watches a lot of movies, TV and football right now. Sometimes he watches it like our dads have been able to do for so many years through closed eyelids and between snores.

All that being said, he is in decent spirits. Admittedly, we are both getting frustrated with the frustrations in our lives if that makes sense. We didn't let them get us down for the holidays, though. We went to my mom and dad's for several days and Santa came there. We spent the new year in Kansas City with Brian's entire family which was very pleasant. There was a lot of driving involved and since I am the ony driver now, it can be taxing on me, but we work through it. The last two weeks went by very quickly. Unfortunately, Brian woke up on New Year's Day with a full day of his vomiting spells. That wasn't the way he wanted to ring in the new year. He was much better most of the next day. He doesn't have much of an appetite in general, though. We were able to squeeze in many games of Euchre and a few board games with the kids. Let me just say that Brian is the best one handed Euchre dealer and player around.

I don't know what all of these issues mean for starting a new round of chemo. I have no idea if the episodes are something more to worry about or if the doctor will suggest we forgo chemo longer. I just don't know. He has his appointment SOMETIME tomorrow, so we will ask tomorrow. In the meantime, the surgeon also wants to meet with us on Tuesday to discuss whether or not he attempts some surgery in an effort to debulk and maybe give Brian some more time.

As you can clearly see, things are the same ol', same ol' here for us. Don't know what we are doing. Brian doesn't feel great, but tries his darnedest not to let it get him down. Kids start school again tomorrow. We mange some time for friends and family. We play each day by ear.

That's about it from here for now. I will write more this week.

KEEP BELIEVING

I'm not going to post for a few days. Read a bit each day to tide you over. There is a lot of crap meaningful stuff here today.

Dear tooth fairy,
Even though I lost a tooth
will you please keep it
under my pillow. Please will
you give me something.


Since he said please, he got to keep the tooth and $2. He told me he is going to do this every time now. And, personally, I think it is fine. It keeps the tooth fairy from hiding the teeth elsewhere in our house. By the way, how long does the tooth fairy keep teeth? I mean, I throw away just about every other project that comes my way unless it is a handmade clay something or other, but what do I do with the teeth and for how long and for WHY? Is there etiquette for this kind of thing? Will they want them some day? I don't have my baby teeth and do not feel that I am missing anything. Am I just not nostalgic? Am I a scrooge?



Speaking of Bah! Humbug! I have decided not to send Christmas cards again this year. I think just about anyone that would receive one of our cards reads this blog at least on occasion, so I am saving a days worth of work and over $100 and boycotting the obligatory ritual again. Brian thinks I will cave, but I didn't cave last year.

For your benefit, these are the images from which I was choosing for the card:










Consider yourself served. Merry Christmas, signed the Brian O'Neill family. You're welcome. Feel free to pirate those photos and add us to your refrigerator. Your home will be more beautiful for it.



KEEP BELIEVING

We still have two Christmas celebrations to go. We have not even seen my family this holiday and won't until January. This can be confusing to kids. Grant has been showing signs of Seasonal Confusion this past week.

I have just spent about 3 days and countless hours pouring my creative heart and soul into a Christmas project that is not to be. Well, not by Christmas anyway. I will write more about it, but it was for my mother and father-in-law and it just isn't working out. They are VERY difficult to buy for, so I tried to come up with something homemade and technology has failed me - AGAIN - this month. The problem is I have no plan B for them. I have nothing else. I have not abandoned hope, but I have abandoned deadlines in the interest of ACTUALLY enjoying the next couple of days with my hubby and kids. Speaking of...

We do Santa. We know a lot of Christians that don't, and don't get me wrong, I totally understand why. It can completely cloud the vision of the TRUE meaning of Christmas if you are not careful. However, this Santa thing ROCKS!!!! Holy cow, the power of the naughty and nice list cannot be understood to non-Santa parents. I have gained more mileage over the last week with this than a hybrid Toyota. Also, the genuine, non-questioning, 100% belief in something SO illogical is truly something to cherish. I have been the one asking kids the hard questions to get them thinking and to hear their responses. Their answer is almost always, "because he's Santa." I love it. Gavin was terrified as soon as dusk was upon us this evening around 5:00 that he would fall out of favor with the jolly man in red, and Santa would bypass the house with the non-sleeping children. I had to get on NORAD.com and show Gavin the globe so he could see where Santa was and his projected path. The sheer impossibility of the entire concept hit me as I was doing this, and I realized Santa had 4 hours to cover the entire western 1/3 of South America, all of densely populated Latin America and the entire Eastern Time zone in the 5 or so hours until midnight. (According to NORAD, he was in Brazil at about 7:00) I LOVED Gavin more for just knowing it to be true and skipping off. We went outside in the dark in our slippers to look for red nosed reindeer and to listen for jingle bells as we do every Christmas Eve. We didn't find anything except the local airport's red blinking control tower light. My dental hygienist asked me the other day if I was looking forward to Santa's arrival. I said I haven't looked forward to Santa's arrival since I became Santa. Not true as I think about it. I LOVE being Santa, because I won't get to be him for much longer.

As we put the kids to be tonight and the excitement of Santa danced off every breath they took, I asked them why we celebrate Christmas. The VERY FIRST words out of each of their mouths was "Jesus!" Why do we give gifts? "Jesus' birthday." I think we can keep Santa around as long as we keep Jesus first.

KEEP BELIEVING

This is an email that was forwarded by my friend, Tricia, this past week. I thought in the spirit of Christmas (and the spirit of procrastination - I have two days left to finish making one present and wrap ALL the rest) I would pass this along. I do not know whom to credit as it was not forwarded with an author.



Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years. Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

KEEP BELIEVING