Engayging Life

The other day, someone contacted me on a dating app.

Before we get any further -- Yes, I am partnered and I'm still active on these dating apps. To hell with idealized, restrictive, socially reinforced "monogamy". I'm still monogamous sexually/emotionally, but that is a choice because the relationship that I'm in would benefit from it. I still enjoy chatting and flirting with people from around the world. And yes, some of the material on these dating sites is very good fodder for masturbation.

So among the several who contact me on these dating apps, one stood out. This younger man seemed to find my profile interested and found me "sane and sorted". He then went on to check my blog(s) (I guess both Engayging Life and Neverlast). In the chat conversation that followed, where we discussed how this blog was way more mainstream than it is now, he suggested that I took some time out from my otherwise busy life, contribute to the community.

In other words, he proposed that my writings could still be relevant in the current day and age to help LGBTQI folk. Interviews and op-eds, maybe.

I discuss such things with my partner and a close friend. My partner, admittedly jealous (yes, I am ashamed that jealousy is still a thing in our relationship) suggested that the nice words was pure flattery. The friend thought that this was not such a bad idea.

Hmmmm.

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So, I met this guy from Canada. He was born and brought up in India in the early days of independent India. He spent about the first couple of decades of his life in India (in Mumbai and in a boarding school somewhere nearby). Of course, he is gay. He realized back when he as a school-going child. And of course, he is handsome. And he is white.

Gay. Handsome. White. Kid.

What does that read to an average Indian boarding school-going kid who is elder to him?

Sex.

That’s as simple as that. Apparently, he was raped many a time (not always sodomized, but he was a few times, and that’s why he doesn’t like sodomy that much anymore). He claims that it was fairly common for this activity to be happening back in the ‘50s and guesses that it might still be.

I guess, India is far from homophobic then, isn’t it? Homophilic, perhaps. And what do you call this behavior? I know it is illegal to have sex with minors. But this phenomenon is not quite pedophilia, is it?

For the first time in many months, I'm feeling the pinch of the blues. A feeling of worthlessness is drowning me in and my life suddenly seems pointless. What was the trigger? Well, I'm not quite sure yet. Everything was alright until yesterday (Saturday) afternoon, a routine "off day" on which I chose to work for some extra money via my paycheck at the end of the month, when I had a conversation with my colleague about what I was doing with my life.

She asked me why would I work on an off day instead of relaxing or doing something else. The only answer that I had is that I was desperate for money. I suddenly realized that I am being so desperate to save money that I have censored out pleasure from my life again. I wait for unacceptable periods of time at the bus stops to save some measly rupees. I walk about 2 km up and down (on my way to work and back) to save 2 rupees (for each walk). I divide my lunch into two so that I can eat one portion as dinner. I have stopped watching movies because of the expenses. I have curtailed my party-going and eating out/drinking instincts to save up.

What do I need the money for? I don't quite know. Maybe for the future. The most ironic thing is that I think I'm going to need the money to be in a position to father a kid or two. That's what I have always wanted - to be in a live-in relationship and to be a loving father. But this goal seems to be so far beyond my reach now that there seems to be no point in saving all this money. But I can't help but traumatize myself because that is part of my normal process of coming to terms with the reality.

The rate at which I'm earning right now (in my editing career as well as with music) is definitely not enough for my plans for the unforseeable future. Even if I don't achieve my goals of becoming a parent, with this stream of income, I wouldn't probably have enough to fall back on once I retire. This makes me want to seriously reconsider practicing surgery for a living. But that would mean giving up on music almost altogether, and that is something that I don't want.

I have been brooding over these thoughts and a solution seems to be far from the offing. The one thing that I am glad about is the multitude of well-meaning friends that I have who worry about me and care for how I am. I love them for that. But at the end of it all, I'm here alone having to take care of myself alone. I hope this downspiral does not lead me to another phase of clinical depression where I start contemplating suicide. Honestly, I don't think this is going to happen. But I'll keep you posted on this.

Yesterday, my colleague MVP and I, both doctors and out gay persons, were doing some work together at the office. As usual, we were teasing and and taunting our colleagues. Then, MVP answered a call during which he talked about meeting 'someone' at Malad station at 7.15 pm. I started pulling his leg by announcing to my other colleagues that MVP was going out on a date tonight and how we should all feel happy for him. We all joined in and started teasing him.

As soon as he hung up, he turned around and told another female colleague of ours 'You are just jealous because you are going to meet your mother-in-law'! Of course, the female colleague denied it saying that she wasn't going to meet her mother-in-law that evening. Apparently, she had other plans. Soon she was on her way out for the day and continuing with our playful banter, we both conveyed our regards to her mother-in-law. She said 'Sure, I'll tell her that two of my gay colleagues said hi to her!'

After she left, MVP told the rest of the colleagues about the story of my colleague's mother-in-law and her concept of homosexuality. Apparently, she had seen the movie 'Dostana', which had led her to believe that homosexuality was just a pretense to take advantage of innocent girls and to grab their attention. We all had a hearty laugh at the end of it all.

However, it struck me as amazing how such Bollywood slapstick comedies featuring stereotypical gay characters can negatively influence people and lead them to having delusions about homosexuality. This is one of the many reasons why gay movies that portray gay/lesbians/transgenders in positive roles should be made in Bollywood. Bollywood's impact is so huge that this is a must to help change the mindset of urban, middle-class India.

So Bollywood, can you please insill some serious sense into these Gujju mother-in-laws please?

The first time I saw him on television, he looked an attractive player and a suitable, if not better, replacement for Matt Prior. This was during the English winter and the Australian summer, during the just-concluded, vastly entertaining Ashes seried down under. I was actually disappointed when I heard that Prior was given the nod ahead of him the World Cup squad.

In the second week of the World Cup, he has made me proud. He has made all of us proud! Steven Davies has officially come out of the closet, and by doing so has become the first professional cricketer to come out of the closet. This is simply wonderful news for everyone - most importantly for him.

Sinc yesterday, there were dozens of news stories about him. But the most moving one was the one where he detailed how distressing it was to remain in the closet while playing for his teams (England, Surrey, and in the future, surely an IPL franchise). 'A tour of two weeks felt like two years', he said. Initially, he came out to the England coach Andy Flower about this who had a long discussion with him and they both decided that the team needs to know this.

When they collectively announced this to the team, the response was even more heartwarming. Matt Prior apparently gave him a nice hug and asked him why he had kept this to himself all this time! The others must have had poignant responses too. This news comes right at the heel of the news story of James Anderson, the Enlgish pace bowling spearhead and a straight, married man with kids, agreeing to model for a gay magazine photoshoot.

Both the stories speak volumes about the acceptance of of homosexuality as a social variant rfather than an abberant in the English cricket team, and more widely in the UK and in Europe. Indeed, many European countries have made gay civil unions legal and some others like Portugal and Spain have made gay marriages legal.

There are lessons in this. First, being out of the closet is the ideal, for the gay guy and his friends and family. Second, the society and the state, as and when i starts accepting homosexuals as individuals with equal legal rights, make it easier for celebrities and sportsmen to come out of their closet. I hope everyone takes home a message from this story and a glorious path is paved toward more people coming out!

Besides, who wouldn't want a bunch of Indian hotties like Zak and Virat (from the Indian) team coming out of the closet? ,-)

Here are some wonderful links on the story:

• http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/feb/28/steven-davies-gay
  
• http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/8350779/Steven-Davies-England-cricketer-announces-he-is-gay.html
  
• http://www.espncricinfo.com/england/content/current/story/503503.html
  

A week back, I got this message from a friend of mine. It's about a friend (woman) of his who's finding it hard to come to term with her sexuality and sexual orientation. I'm pasting the contents of the message below.

"i know a very nice, homely, cool girl who is also highly qualified. She likes rock and roll and is a vocalist. she's 24. she's frigid...unable to have sex. family pressure to get married is mounting to a point where she might just decide to end it all. i think you understand better what a fragile situation this is...this is worse than rape.

She wants to meet guys who are gay, but have similar pressures on them to settle down "with a girl". This way she can be helped...and someone from the male gay community can also breathe easy.

I'm all for the "coming out of the closet" thing. But Kris i also know that there must be people out there who are struggling with gaining acceptance towards their sexuality. Maybe we can help 2 people...

i have seen her state, man. imagine what she'll have to go through...it bought tears to my eyes...she is a very caring and loving person..."

I don't know what to tell my friend. Should I talk to his friend, the woman? Should I suggest that she speak to some counsellor? Maybe someone at Humsafar trust? Do you think she can find someone gay who'll agree to forge a 'marriage of convenience' with her? Is that the right step?

Well, the Queer Azaadi March this year features a week of queer-related activities leading up the pride march on the 29th of January (Saturday). I have already applied for a half-day leave on that day.

More importantly for me, however, are the dates 27th and 28th, when I'll be performing as a singer/songwriter at two separate venues - at the Carter Road Amphitheater, Bandra and at Cooper Candies, Pali Hilll, Bandra, respectively.

On the 27th, I'll be joined by Rob (on guitar/vocals) and S (on djembe, percussion). The fantastic Alsha Batth will be performing alongside. On the 28th, I'd be performing solo for just a song or two at the Open Mic Night event. Both will be memorable days in my life, where I'll be performing songs that I wrote, songs that are so very personal.

This will the first time that Ideat Savant (my pet music project) songs are being performed live. As a prelude to these two gigs, if things go well, I'll be performing a 3-song set with Rob and S at the Cirkles gig at Not Just Jazz by the bay on the 21st of January. That makes it a total of three singer/songwriter gigs in a week's time! Wish me luck fellows!

Here is the QAM schedule:

Last weekend, I had a chat conversation with my sister. I thought it was about time that I mentioned the developments in my life vis-a-vis men and romance. I didn't want her to know after the rest of the world already knew, which already is the case unfortunatley.

As usual, our conversation was nothing but rude and unhealthy. I opened my heart out to her and I guess she did it too. Our feelings to each other were categorically unruly. She asked me things like 'Why do you meet before you get to know them/like them?', to which all I had to say was 'That's how relationships are made, by meeting peope and knowing them better'.

When I told her that humor was a very important factor when it came to choosing a man because I had a good sense of humor, she said that she thought that I didn't. That's how shallow our relationship has become these days. If she didn't know that I was funny, she hasn't known me at all, I said. She said that what she knew of me from the past, I didn't have much of a sense of humor. Incredible!

And then, as usual, she asked me to make decisions carefully, as if I didn't know that already. She thought that my decisions have not been well thought through and that's the reason why I'm having such a miserable life. I asked her how she knew that she was right? Then she asked me 'Now, who's being rude here?'

With that she and I decided that we better not chat with each other any further. This is the reason I should believe why families are not meant for the welfare of people like me. Also, I know why it was such a wise choice to have decided to separate myself from the family and adopt 'friends' as the primary family. As someone told me the other days, and I quote, 'Friends, to gay people, are what family is to straight people'.

I recently blogged about a newly acquired acquaintance whose life story is fascinating and worthy of being converted to a book. We had met each other in one of the networking sites a few months back and have become good friends. In the three months or so that I have known him, I have come to respect him and his lifestyle. He's an older man in an open relationship with a younger guy for around 7 years or so. But it's not just another open relationship.

My friend lives in his own relatively-luxurious apartment, has a regular office job, and has a secure lifestyle. His boyfriend, however, is married with two kids, lives separately in his relatively-poor household with his extended family, and does not have a regular job. My friend loves his younger partner in the same way a two lovers love each other, but his boyfriend probably, in my inference, loves him more like an elder brother. They meet each other over weekends, spend time with each other, and enjoy each other's company.

But that's not the end of the story. My friend is not totally honest to his boyfriend about the fact that he's sleeping around. According to him, it is inferred/implied and does not need to be talked about openly between the two partners. Not only does my friend sleep around (as he did with me a couple of times), he gets emotionally entangled in relationships with other men to whom he is not honest about the fact that he already has a boyfriend/lover.

In a conversation with him late last week, I was shocked to learn that he's currently in "love" with three other men. One of them is traveling all the way from a neighboring country to visit him for 10 days. This is the first time they are meeting. When I asked my friend if he thinks he's not being dishonest and unkind to all parties involved, he nonchalantly said: "It's fine as long as everyone is happy, at least temporarily. When the truth is eventually out, there is an element of pain to be endured, but that is compensated by the happiness gained during the time the relationship progresses until the revelation." He added that such things happen both in straight and gay circles and people take it in their stride.

I argued with him about this whole situation. He's not only "cheating" on his lover by getting into romantic relationship with others, but he's breaking the hearts of those people who's getting into new relationships with. Those people might be young men who might be having their first real emotional relationship, unfortunately however, with my friend. My friend holds all the cards here and he's virtually toying with the lives of others. As things stand now, his latest "lover" has a broken heart (after the revelation of course), which my friend is trying to mend! I am extremely sorry for this young man and I wish I could help him out some way.

But the real question is this -- what do I do with this friend. Do I try and reason with him? Do I try and accept the cruel person that he is and get along with life? Do I break up my ties with him?

One of my good friends asked me in an SMS early this morning - 'Are you still gay?' He was joking of course, or so I believe. However, in the present state of my mind, I think that question carries more significance and relevance than it seems to. How many 'gay' qualities do I possess -- more importantly, how many that I don't. Let's see.

I'm not into socializing. I don't go well with parties anymore. This is well documented in a recent post about a party that I went to after being invited by the same friend who asked me the abovementioned existential question. Gay people thrive on parties. They meet people, crack jokes, bitch about people, fish for dates, and get laid eventually. There goes a major point.

More about gay people socializing. They meet friends with their friends and hang out at cafés and go out for dinners and cheesy movies where they laugh and make comments at slap-stick comedy and melodrama. They shed tears when hollywood/bollywood divas succeed in their quests to find love (on screen, of course). They enjoy doing all this as part of groups. I don't.

Gay men enjoy musicals (like Mama Mia, the Sound of Music), movies based on high fashion (SATC). They hate action movies like the Expendables , sci-fi movies like Predators, and cartoon movies like Up. They watch drama on television as if their lives depended on it. They love classic (read gentle) pop music and dance to Bollywood tunes like their lives depended on it.

Gay people take care of themselves. They groom and keep themselves physically attractive all the time. They wear fashionable clothes in line with the latest in fashion. They visit the gym religiously and have the term 'six-pack' listed under abs and not beer.

This list could go on and on. I find myself as the most 'ungay' gay man amongst the people I know. This has resulted in me confining myself to my apartment weekend after weekend, making me unable to find anybody to be with or have sex with, thus making me lead quite miserable 'social' life.

You could say that my 'ungayness' isn't helping me at all.

R. Raj Rao's latest book titled "Hostel Room 131" is a queer-themed book about a love affair between two boys (or young men as some people like to refer to them as) that occurs in a hostel in Pune in the winter of 1978. I came to know about it when I was invited for it's official launch at the Crossword bookstore in Bandra Linking Road and a book reading session at Aazad Bazaar, Mumbai's first queer-themed shop. The book launch is being chaired by Onir, the director of "My Brother Nikhil (Wikipedia)," the famous queer-themed Bollywood movie.


I didn't pay much attention -- either to the book or it's reading -- until I came stumbled on this review of the book posted at ibnlive.com. I thought the title of the article captured it all:"Hostel Room 131: the delight is in the detail." The graphic nature of the sexual content the book is further illustrated in the last couple of lines from the review:

"R. Raj Rao has a way with characters, and story telling getting it down to the delicious details. Even if means two male lovers basking in each other’s body fluids."

What sprang immediately in my mind was a very similar tale of a couple of young male lovers -- at story that shuttled between Missouri and New Delhi many decades back. I had heard it as an anecdote from one of the two (lovers) -- a recent acquaintance acquired after a near-one-night-stand. It was such a moving tale of lust, love, romance, and heart-break and was set in the background of the hostel of a strict Catholic college in the early '70s India. The "tenderloins" of the story was marinated by the spice of the necessity to remain under cover, were ravaged by the burden of forced straight marriage (on my acquaintance's lover's side), which eventually led to the couple's separation.

I sent my acquaintance an SMS asking him if he had heard about the book. He replied saying that he had seen the book at a local Crossword bookstore, had had not paid attention to it because he didn't think too highly of the author. I asked him whether he knew of the background of the book, and he replied saying that he didn't have a clue. I gave him a hint that the book was very similar to his past love affair. To this, I haven't received a reply yet.

I wonder -- I really do, having heard so many incredible tales of queer love affairs in the past from my fuck-buddies and acquaintances -- what will befall author like Rao if my friends sat down to write books based on their glorious pasts? I'm sure these books would be very interesting and non-cichéd. So would, perhaps, a book about my relationship with Vinokur or my early adulthood in Kerala be -- if I were to put it down that is. And maybe I should.

(Picture courtesy: Penguinbooksindia.com)

In my everlasting search for a suitable man, sometimes, perhaps more frequently than I should for my own sake, I stumble on gay men who are in beautiful long-term relationships. Instead of feeling disappointed or jealous, I feel happy to have chanced upon what I consider as true, rare gems of the world -- well-adjusted relationships.

I have seen such relationships in the diverse colors and varieties that life has to offer -- inter-generational, inter-racial, inter-national, intra-generational, open relationships -- each and every one in a seemingly impossible state of equilibrium and negative entropy.

I usually end up meeting the older partner among the couple in these relationships. On almost all such occasions, I have been able to form a strong bond of friendship with them. They tell me stories about how they met their partner, sometimes decades back, how they have established a niche of a live-in relationship together, and how happy they are in their present state of affairs. Some are open relationships where the sexual drive has often died and yet the emotional component is as strong as ever.

I often wonder what is it that drives such people. If being gay is often considered synonymous to promiscuity, and ergo frivolous and incapable of relationship sustenance or emotional depth, how can such beautiful relationships exist? To answer this question, we must ask another question. Maybe I'm not digging deep enough or I'm over-generalizing -- but why are such relationships so rare in the straight world?

The reason probably lies in the disassociation of sex from being anchored to a deep-rooted emotional or procreative component, thereby freeing it to be an activity of pleasure and happiness. Remember, the institution of straight marriage has generally castigated non-procreative sex between two consenting adults. Marriage -- I must re-iterate, straight marriage -- has been promoted as a necessity for a successful social life.

Had love between any two individuals (above legal age) been encouraged instead of marriage, and had sex just been left to the discretion of two individuals who express love toward each other in a variety of durations -- some being transient like a one-night stand and some being transcendent, lasting many decades -- there would have been more instances of such harmonious relationships, don't you think?

Tonight, I'm going with a bunch of my wonderful colleagues and M-man (my date) to watch the screening of Engayging Lives, the documentary about urban openly gay people. Of course, the title is based on my blog and I have contributed the soundtrack to it. I hope it is as fulfilling as it promises to be. I'm attaching the invite, the schedule, and the Mid-Day article (from Thursday) about the same (which had me fearured in a photo taken at a relatively unfortunate moment)!

Once I came out to Mom, I had felt that much more than half of my responsibilities during my trip especially because she had offered to come out to my father on my behalf. Today morning, I had woken up late and had a lazy breakfast with my Mom while my Dad got busy doing some of the chores that he does. Soon enough, as if set up on purpose, we started talking. This time, it was not in my room and it was in the lo-o-ng, but narrow, living room downstairs.

I paced down and up the living room while voicing my thoughts about my future and theirs, about my feelings about them and my sister etc. Soon enough, the moment arrived when I asked my Dad if he had understood that I had wanted to talk to him yesterday evening itself. I explained that I felt that I had to tell both of them at the same time but that I had told Mom already.

I went on to explain to him the same way like I did with my Mom – about how I wanted to have someone in my life, how I wanted to actually have a family and kids etc, but how it could only be with a man and not a woman. My father was able to grasp my words much faster and he glanced over to my Mom and gave me a smile – something that I hadn't seen from him for a long time!

Once this was over and done with, I explained my planned strategies for my life more vividly – my father was still apprehensive about my decision to chase music. He's not a romantic, he's much more pragmatic. Now that I had revealed who I was, it was so much easier to convince them about my plans to stick on to the plan of music ahead of medicine until the year ends.

We went to on to discuss about our families and our sister – about her fears about my coming out affecting her life. It is sad and I'm sorry to admit that my sister still believes, and has every reason to believe, that her life is going to get affected in a bad way if more people would come to know about me. It's the reality of life in India. The sexual orientation of sibling could break (and never make) one's life.

I still remember the day when I had gone to 'interview' my then-could-be-brother-in-law, being apprehensive about telling him about my gayness thinking that it could affect my sister adversely. He had then asked me something in the lines of 'What about you? Don't you want to get married?' and I had to say something in the lines of 'I'm not sure about that yet. I need more time and I need to find the right person.'

I guess my fears have been validated, in a wretched way, by the realities in my sister's life. This has, hitherto, revealed the 'underbelly' of the coming out experience in modern India. I guess every feel-good movie story is actually the real story with a cut-throat, cliched editing process. But then I don't think that I, the director, want to show my film to Indian audiences – I just want it to be screened at the prestigious European festivals. The romantic me is sometimes - okay, I'm lying - most of the times, unaware of the reality, waiting to be stung by it.

I don't know if I even qualify to give a critique on Dostana - I couldn't stand it. I walked out of the near deserted theatre yesterday, 5 minutes into the interval. The reason might just be that in the last few months, I've been keeping myself from watching anything but classics from Hollywood apart from those that I watched at the GB film festival and Humsafar highs.

Dostana as a movie is simply bad. I couldn't see anything which was good enough from the movie critic point of view. Bad acting, bad direction, bad screenplay, tepid humor - all ensured that I spent the time that I was in the theatre surfing and checking e-mail. John Abraham's butt was by far the most emotive amongst his body parts and I was reminded of an episode of Will and Grace where Jack plays a butt-double for a famous Hollywood actor during a shower scene.

I actually liked the Boman Irani character - which I thought was a dig at Meryl Streep's role in the Devil Wears Prada. Despite his character being effeminate and rather homo-sexual, he had the guile of an 'actor' to pull it off well. I haven't watched 'Fashion' yet and I presume I would like it better than this.

From the community standpoint, I suppose it was a positive move from Bollywood. In the campy jokes that fly around, I average homo-agnostic or homo-neutral person would become more familiar our presence. The kind of acceptance given by the Ms. Chopra's and her aunt's characters in the movie is refreshing. I was touched personally by the scene in which the character that plays Abhishek's mother has an epiphany about her 'gay' son.

I guess the other half of the movie has maybe another instance of such an instance which could touch an average gay guy who is comfortable with his sexuality and maybe I should have bothered to go through a couple of dozen pages of the Wikipedia at the theatre to pass time until such a scene surfaces.

After reading the positive reviews about the movie from inside the community, I thought this movie could be the one movie which I could coax my Mom and family watch before I come out to them. Now that I have seen at least half of the movie, I would not even dare to let my sister watch it for purposes of homo-acclimatizing - because it simply isn't a good movie.

Incredible it is, really. I knew that Tehelka had something coming up when Professor X asked me to watch out for his article on it. But I didn't expect this much. Seven articles? Cover page of a couple of bears in embrace? Whoa!


Here's the list of articles

• Happy Together
  
• Indian traditions of love - This is what Professor X co-wrote.
  
• 377 - Matunga Racket
  
• Flying Arrows, Stable Bows - This by the way, is Nitin Karani the author of QueerIndia.
  
• Homosexuality does not exclude paternity - This article is very close to my heart as I hope to become a father soon!
  
• I believe in falling in love with people, not body parts - I'm gender oblivious
  
• We shouldn't make ourselves a parade of overt freaks - This story has the same ideology as the Shobhaa De blog one about me had.

(All the articles and the picture are from Tehelka.com)

If you guys are expecting rather detailed, personal posts from me, I'm afraid it's going to take a while to do that. I'm not finding time with my studies taking most of my awake time. Hence, until my exams are over sometime in late November, I'll post in short bursts.

Today morning, while watching the cute Allan Border on Neo Sports sharing his opinion on why Australian team is kicking the Indian ass, I stumbled on two more stories in the newspaper relating to the gay-decriminalisation issue. I'm gonig to present them here along with a song that I heard on the radio. My gay friend Firebolt is probably going to love it!

• Do you think gay people should be imprisoned? (from TOI Mumbai edition page 11)
  
  Reema Kagti, director of the film ‘Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd’, says that it’s time we asked the right questions about homosexuality
  
  The debate on de-criminalizing homosexuality gains momentum in the wake of the ongoing public litigation challenging article 377 in the Delhi High Court. The question “Do you think homosexuality should be legalized in India?’’ is increasingly being thrown around in the media. An opinion poll by NDTVDoctor had 69 per cent of those polled saying “NO’’.
  
  Vivek Divan, a friend and lawyer, pointed out that it is not enough to just ask questions, it is important that we ask the right questions. The right question in this case is: Regardless of your personal views on homosexuality, do you think that if you or your child or sister or brother or
  friend is caught in the privacy of the bedroom performing a sexual act with a consenting adult of the same sex, he or she should be imprisoned with a life sentence?
  
  It is this question that does justice to the issues that the debate on Section 377 throws up. An average Indian has been brought up to believe homosexuality is an aberration and saying that it yes should be legalised is synonymous to saying yes to deviant behavior. This debate is not about the Indian people’s personal prejudice against homosexuality or the lack of. This debate is whether India is a democratic nation or not. A truly democratic country upholds the rights of minorities.
  
  There are anywhere between 20 to 40 million people with alternative sexuality in India today. Article 377 of the IPC violates every constitutional provision to uphold their right to equality and non-discrimination. It encourages persecution on the basis of sexual orientation, flouting the constitution of India and United Nations and Human Rights Watch norms.
  
  On this pertinent human rights issue, India is out of step with nations like South Africa, USA, UK, the whole of Europe and South America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Cambodia, Thailand, Japan, Indonesia, Korea. India’s discriminatory stand clubs her with unprogressive countries like Sudan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, and Pakistan. Cases of homophobic police officers using Article 377 to create obstacles for legitimate HIV prevention has been so rampant that the UN and Human Rights Watch have sent directives to the government regarding this. The union health minister of India, Mr Ramadoss, has openly supported repealing Section 377 because it is stunting India’s fight against AIDS. The home ministry opposes decriminalisation saying it will lead to a decline in morality. I do believe none of the people responsible for the Home Ministry’s report really know a single gay person. My advice to them is to make friends with a few because it will help them do their jobs better.
  
  I, unlike them, know people of alternative sexuality from different walks of life. There are gay film-makers, lawyers, doctors, journalists, industrialists, artists, teachers, activists, curators, students, rickshaw drivers, migrant laborers, tailors, dancers, critics, writers, shop-keepers, politicians...the list is endless. Each of them is somebody’s child, somebody’s sibling, somebody’s
  friend. They are not two-headed monsters who live underground emerging only to wreck perversion and debauchery. They are completely normal, productive and sometimes even tax-paying people who are a valid and an integral part of our society. Their daily pre-occupations are no different from their heterosexual counterparts: Are prices ever going to stop rising? Am I safe standing here next to this dustbin or is it going to blow up in my face? How best can I provide for my family and loved ones in this world of chaos?
  
  The government and judiciary of India will in no way be doing any harm or demeaning to themselves by restoring and upholding basic fundamental rights and freedoms of 20 to 40 million Indian citizens promised to them by their constitution. Instead, repealing this 148-year-old law will prove to citizens and the international community alike that India is truly committed to upholding the ideals of freedom and equality.
  
  To judge whether the people of India are a truly democratic people you will have to put yourself through the litmus test. So here goes...Regardless of your stand on homosexuality, do you think that if you or your child or sister or brother or friend is caught in the privacy of the bedroom performing a sexual act with a consenting adult of the same sex should he or she be imprisoned with a life sentence?
  
  If your answer is yes, then before we go announcing to the world that we are the largest democracy, it will serve us well to examine whether we are a democracy at all.
  
  RULE OF LAW: Article 377 violates every constitutional provision to uphold a homosexual’s right to equality and non-discrimination
  
  
• Wedded bliss for Bengal’s same-sex couple - From TOI Mumbai edition 19th page
  
  Howrah Families Accept Marriage Of Daughters Who Fell In Love & Eloped To R’than
  Pinaki Das | TNN
  
  Howrah: Union health minister Anbumani Ramadoss’ concern for gay rights in India seems to have paid off. Two families in remote parts of Howrah district have agreed to accept their daughters’ decision to live together as man and wife. The parents of one of the girls have also decided to adopt a child later to make the marriage complete.
  
  Rinku Mondal, 20, daughter of a motor mechanic in Nayachak village, and Tanusree Manna, 21, of Shibtala in the Panchla police station area, had eloped on September 22. A letter recovered from Tanusree’s house said they were in love and wanted to marry. “We know our relatives and society won’t accept this alliance. We’ve decided to leave our families and live elsewhere as man and wife,” they wrote.
  
  Both families then lodged missing diaries with police. In addition, Rinku’s parents filed complaints against Tanusree’s sister Mithu, her husband Badal Das and friend Rupali Hyt. The police arrested Badal and started looking for Mithu.
  
  Rinku and Tanusree had met during Mithu and Badal’s wedding a couple of years ago and fallen in love. The two started working at a zari factory to keep in touch. Rupali apparently knew of the affair.
  
  After leaving their homes, the two girls set off for Rajasthan. On the way the two got married, and Rinku started sporting sindoor and conchshell bangles like married Bengali women. While in Rajasthan, the two learnt of Badal’s arrest and decided to return.
  
  The two turned up at Panchla police station on Tuesday and declared they were adults and had left on their own accord. On Wednesday, they gave their statements before a magistrate. Both Rinku and Tanusree’s parents were present in court. After their statements were recorded, the two families decided to accept the marriage.
  
  “The two are inseparable and we don’t want them to come to any harm. We’ve decided to accept Rinku as our daughter-in-law. The only problem is they will not have children. At a later date, we may adopt a child to make the marriage complete,” said Tanusree’s mother Moya. Rinku’s father Arun Mondal also said he had no problems so long as his daughter was happy.
  

Here's is the video that you people can check out. It's a song by the American artist Kate Perry who is alleged to be a bisexual. Check out the lyrics!

Yesterday night, I couldn't sleep well. Was worrying a lot about what's going to happen to me. After getting up, I logged on to MonsterIndia.com, created a profile for me there and submitted for a couple of job applications. Side by side, I've also started checking out options for getting Sugar Daddies. If I'm in a mood later on in the day, I'll probably look up jobs in music stores, radio stations, music channels etc. You can keep on giving suggestions so that I can at least have food and internet - I need to have internet to maintain contact with Vinokur.

Since I'm feeling slightly better after a couple of 'Dads' responded to my messages on a personals site, I'll bother to post in the song that I recorded yesterday. It's the second in line of at least four that I'm going to send in for the competition. It's called 'Hope It's Over'. I had posted a shabby acoustic version earlier. It's a full fledged electric version. Once again, I would put in a disclaimer - Don't worry too much about the vocal track. It needs some work. But I don't have better mics and saner mind to do it now. Lyrics are attached below. In a weird way, this song kinda sums up my present state of mind as well.

Hope It's Over


Hope It's Over (lyrics)

When did I stop being, what I used to be
Where did I start falling, you weren't looking
What did I start chasing, it feels so long
Whom did I leave stranded, I fell so hard, I felt so low

Was it you, was it me, who knows

When did I stop listening, it was deafening
Where did I stop looking, what lies ahead
What did I start wishing, wish I'd be there now
Whom did I try faking, I tried so hard, I felt so lone

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, who knows

The hope that is left, is it too heavy to confess
The hope that is left, it's so easy to forget

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, is it over?

Is it over? Yes it is.

(PS: This was originally written after a phone conversation with my sister which I've blogged about. She is a silent reader on this blog. When we talked yesterday, she said she liked the 'words' of the Rainbow Song, but not the tune. I hope she likes the tune of this at least.)