Double-Half
or One Ten without ham

So, I packed it all up, I love making pressies!

Took, I admit, a used parcel, oh, seesh, does that matter?

Went to our little post-office - and luckily I did, too!!
The postie knows me since years and years.

He weighed the parcel in, I signed, with date, all well.

"How long will it take to arrive?", I asked.

He looked it up.

"Not at all!!! Sorry, Philippines don´t take parcels from Germany anymore, code red.
Oh, look, same goes for America, also!"

Good thing I looked up before if what I want to send is OK and there was no such info. (Irony here).

I´ll call the parcel "Corinna".
She´ll live with us for who knows how long.
I put in Liverwurst and ice-cream, haha, kidding.



Are you serious????
The virus would die on the flight from Germany to the Philippines, so what IS this???

Handcream, special one, we wanted to buy for the same reason, not available, some ingredients come from China - or not.
The world runs nuts!

I got meds prescribed for 6 months and had to go twice. 3 months and then 3 months.
My eyes are ruined, I needed to check two pharmacies for my night cream for that, too.

Hope some time soon we´ll say:

What, we could´t go wherever we wanted to?!
We couldn´t send pressies to wherever we wanted to?!
We had to worry we do not get what we want or NEED?!

Some day soon we hopefully can say:
Yes. Corinna is here, she will stay, we have to live with her, like with the flu.
Both will change and we will adapt.

Great.
Now I have a small, brown Corinna sitting here, feeling sorry.
She so wanted to go on a journey and give some friend a smile and she can not.

Even Henry cannot make her smile, or, can he? A bit?
He even asked his Brothers from Düsseldorf,thanks again Valerie!



Crazy times.

Oh Boy, oh boy!!! I´ll send a HEALTHY lille Corinna over!!!!

Another parcel sits in a fridge on the other side of the world waiting to meet someone for a yummy smile, too. Since FEBRUARY, that´s when it took off here, at least!!!

As a side note... I use the good-bye pic since years for "crazy", I do not destroy china and glass all the time, Ella! ;.)

I had to call Ingo, "come, see! Can you believe this?!"!

We had shit#y weather, too cold, sunny, but, too cold, no rain since weeks, but LOOK!!

A couple of years ago, before a certain person "redid" my family´s garden, I picked some strawberry plants to take to Braunschweig, LUCKILY I did!!!!
They are the only ones left :-(

1974 my Mum went to the woods with me.
My Mum, not my Dad, please do not think of Hänsel and Gretel, I came home safely ;-)

She dugged out two or three plants "with me" and they made their way into our garden, wood-strawberries all over, they multiplied like crazy and gave those tiny, sweet fruits!

And now they fought their way on the balcony through winter, as my T always says, "no need to take them inside, they will do!", and I listen to him.

Oh, Mum, these are for you!!!



I still wonder how they do it?
I watered them once and then forgot about them, as said, too cold to enjoy the balcony.
But when putting out another walnut for Peanut, our squirrel, ... weeeee.
There they were! Tiny, but feisty!

Need to send a pic to Bro, or should I?
Maybe it just makes him sad as he has them no more.
But they were "mine" anyways, he´s more than 5 years younger than me.
And I was only two years old.

Lion of the day:



They are no longer Seesener strawberries, they´re Braunschweig
ones now, Henry says.
Clever Lion that is, huh? And he prefers love, not strawberries. A gently shouted "hi Henry!", when you pass him and he´s happy, that cutie pie.



He´ll take care.

And, btw... in this case he´s a token for a trolley/shopping cart, too, he helps you out whenever he can!
I have a different one I show you soon, he´s too precious to use, Ingo turned him into a jewlery for me.

(These last two, the T-shirt and the Key-ring are just pics I took in the shops, I do not buy it all)

Mini trumpets tell me another try for a job interview is due on June 10th.
Via good ole phone. Which means I have but one hand to handle things.



Maybe things´ll get better, plus I´ll try online agencies and stuff.



I try to be pretty, aka nice, but I have to take care of myself, too.
Inga-team said they throw me out if I do not react within three days, but do not react on my reaction. That´s not a nice way to react.
Do I over-react? ;-)

So I let not only my direct partner there know what happened, but also took the main address and called for a confirmation my e-mails (plural) have arrived, explaining why and even said I´m sorry for doing so.

Weeee.
Whilst before I got a nice greeting now I only got her name.

But what am I supposed to do?
Usually we´d met in person. "Corinna" makes us choose other ways, not my fault!

Well...

I had further questions, let´s see.



Still cold, still no rain, but at least sunny.



And so pretty outside.

P.S. ... I get no notification of your comments no more - does anyone have the same problem?
And yes I checked SPAM...

For days I was getting ready for my skype-job-interview, see letter "g".
I was going through it in my head and filled 2 1/2 sheets of paper - woke up at night in panic, have I forgotten something?

Last minute Ingo decided we better install Skype, though I was pretty sure it´s not necessary, we checked it - in the condo - I was rightin the end, it was not needed.

Bro WhatsApp'ed right after waking up to wish me luck.

As did T.
I asked my T for help on the day (yesterday), he had a microsoft-program, no installation needed, it worked, we checked sound and all.



Good. Certainly, with this high-quality mirco Ingo gave me.

Feels like starting a Queen-song!!

         

Interview-date: 01:00 pm.
Something went wrong, I never heard of them, wrong "ball".



Used their form, as my contact person is on holiday and gave no further contact person...

I drove Bro and T nuts, "what should I do???"
Found another mail from the contact person in the spam - how can that be, but there was a link. I was the only one attending the interview. I take it with humour, I try.
We are people and something went wrong.

I waited for 2 1/2 hours.

I grew older another 10 years in the process, I tell ya. I´m an introvert, it was a pain for days.

Let the contact person, the company via form (as there were no personal contacts), the contact person from the agency and the agency know what´d happened.

Now all I can do is wait.
At least I have it all ready to go in case the interview itself happens.

Do you have had "encounters" like that, also, how did you cope?



We´re all "people", something went wrong and I hope to hear something today...

Bro called me in the evening again to check back, so nice :-)

Step one: a little breakfast.

Step two:



Tell myself I can do the online-job interview, but I fear technical problems. Contact person went on holiday and just left a note that she won´t answer e-mails.
No other contact and on their website just a form. Installed Skype, maybe wrong, too.

It´s weird times anyways.
Signs.

Saw no sign at ALDI, went inside, no baskets.
At some places you have to have a trolley, some are free, at others you need a Euro, some allow baskets - masks ALWAYS.

Well, once inside you cannot get out at ALDI, so I went, grabbed my tomatoes, kept the proper distance and the cash-out lady screamed (!!! yes, she screamed from far, far away)...

"Look what I have to endure, no trolley, I get the manager!!!!"
Which she did. I friendly said to the man there was no sign.
"YES THERE IS A SIGN!!", I wonder where.
"But I keep the proper distance. And wear a mask, too."
"That is not the point!!!"

I put the tomatoes on a free desk and left via empty check-out.

I´d rather not go back to that place.

It´s like Ingo said. They have the power now to treat you like they want. And some misuse it.

What is the point, I wore a mask and kept the distance.

Well, anyhows, Henry, ... step three:



This is for "Tom´s "Signs 2".

And this is what I wanna be able to say soon:

I am so sorry.
I have to introduce you to a wonderful book, that is available in German only.
It covers 60 years of food over here and has the history of that time as bonus.



Let´s start with Toast Hawaii, - I introduced you to that yummy dish before and it tells about the very first Jamie Oliver here in Germany, Clemens Wilmenrod.
In the 1950´s Germans wanted to have a holiday, but there was no money for that, so the TV-cook came up with that dish.
Pineapple was available and there you went, in your mind, on your tongue, to Hawaii!!!
A mini-holiday, we have this dish often.



The good, ole Currywurst!
Some claim Berlin as origin, others Bochum, here is a song (Bochum!):

      

Our Volkswagen boss sent this song around to all of us, also us "tiny externals" (cause he considered us all as team) Thursday was Currywurst-Day!!!
And we all went! Every Thursday, that song, a song about Currywurst (lyrics)- it´s Bochum-slang.
The city where the singer, Herbert Grönemeyer comes from.

Memories.

You´re not hungry yet? How about Schnitzel?



Actually an Austrian dish, or maybe Italian, we aren´t sure.
But... it´s YUMMY! And history-wise it´s about May 1st, International Workers' Day.

A wonderful book.
It taught me more about German history than any teacher.
ONE book!

Art-wise, history!

Another 60-90-seconds sketch (This is what it´s all about):





And to qualify for Elizabeth and also to have a Henry here:



Henry certainly loves Brunswick Mum!
Wiki says: "Mum originated in the Late Middle Ages.[1] The composition gave the beer a long shelf life that allowed a wide distribution; Mum became the most important export from Brunswick and, in the early modern period was shipped to places such as India and the Caribbean. The drink is still sold in Brunswick where since autumn 2008, for the first time in about 200 years, it is produced in alcoholic variants."

Taking part in Elizabeth and Bleubeard´s "T Stands For Tuesday".

We´re supposed to keep a distance, and we do, even here.



Took these pics ages ago. And now they haunt me.



In my life I had some "hellos" with these critters.
Big and small.
I used to laugh in the aftermath but these days I can not.

To the kind comments on last post: It usually takes weeks (and weeks) till you hear about your job offer, "Corrina" makes it even worse.
The problem is I am on my own.



They should be a team, they are not.

Taking part again in Sami´s COLOURFULWORLD Monday Murals.

Oh boy, oh boy!!!! Oh, help!

Usually it takes weeks till you hear something when you try for a job.

BOOM. BOOM.
They ask me for a Skype-interview.

Darn Corinna!!!!!

A job interview per se is difficult, but like this?!!!

Ingo will give me his cam, I have a micro , but...

I AM AN INTROVERT
I AM SHY
I FREAK OUT

I will blow it this way.

I seldom felt so bad before! What if I loose it, what if I cry???

What do I do???

I´ve never done this before.
I cannot do this, I feel sick already.

What if they see the billiard table behind me?



I have a paravent, put that up or do they think I have something to hide?

I feel just sick.
I was willing to drive all the way down there.

Why are they so quick???
Oh, boy.

Surnames are always in upper case, what does that mean??
What if my PC dies, what if... what?
Panic mode 100%

I certainly already said yes, I am looking forward to the interview, I start with a lie!!

I said it´s a first, that I take care I have the gear by Wednesday, so they even know I do not have it, that I am not used to it, that I´m a whimp.

Darn Corinna!!!
I let her - the contact person - know that I cannot hear much on my right ear and might ask back hence. That I will try to put it correctly with technique.

Oh, wee, and whilst typing I got a call, no cam needed :-) Boy is she quick!!
One burden off! And I made clear: Wolfsburg: No. And the lady was very nice, too.

Why I still blog this?
I have to get it out!
Home alone and feelings overwhelming is bad.
I´m calming down a bit now....

Henry!!!



At least I got rid of the lie about looking forward to that interview, kinda...
Guess she could hear how nervous I am...
Two "nice men" will talk to me, wish me luck...






Good-bye-pic? My phone she called me on.
I have a cell, but that makes expensive updates, so it´s just for WhatsApp via WiFi.
I have an "old people´s phone" that cannot go online and, well... is empty quickly, so I had to excuse myself for a sec to put it on the PC to load.
What a start!!! LOL...

Asked my T if he can speak in a higher voice and do the interview for me. I still wait for an answer, but reckon it´ll be a "no" ;-)

It has to go out.

This is "my diary", right.

I lost my job.
Of 17 years.
One colleague said, and he was right, look for a job whilst you still have one, makes a better appearance.
True.

BUT
I could bore you endlessly.
Long story short, I asked about my company car being a pool car and of my money and got terminated instead.
It was a SHOCK.

A colleague just suffered the same (minus the car), took me in her arms and I cried, WE cried, Our "old" boss would not have done this, he´d found a solution.
As he did before. And I even offered 80% payed work in bad times, "no".
New boss has his horses in Southern Germany, he has money.

I could not look for a job. I was down, many other reasons for that, also.

Went in my "holiday" I had to take to the job centre.
Was early, she was, too.
"Oh, IT, all documents here, great, I get a job for....

oh, wait...



It was a sunny, warm April day and I felt OK, good, great!

"You´re not OK, see your doc, you´re burned out!"

A 40 minutes walk home. And,yes, time to think.
What happened so far?

- Work, 6 months (promised) > 16 years in reality Braunschweig > Wolfsburg (40km one way), driving each day in fear of accident in this weird country where you can go as fast as you like
- Braunschweig > Wolfsburg (40km one way, remember), working 8 hours - Wolfsburg > Göttingen (140 km one way), watching, helping my Dad on his last weeks, cancer won, I saw things I did not want to see. Back to Braunschweig, 110 km
- Brother, breakdown, coming to me. Till I got sick, doc said I am not qualified for this, he got professional help in my town, I worked more so I could be at home for him once a week
- Ingo got sick, nearly died, is chronically ill ever since, hospital, hospital, hospital...
- Mum, cancer, see Dad. We were there.
- Working my as# off to have every Thursdayto help bro in his place - 60km - ...
- Ingo... hospital, hospital, hospital...
- stupid, really mean colleages twice (and heaps great ones)



Brain says: burned out, sounds logical, doc agreed.

- art, origami helped
- work out, walking outside loads, helped. I felt fit. Doc: No
- Citalopram - horror 100%, I really did think I die.
- Cortisone, due to an accident, looong strory, lost a lot of hair and it didn´t help, as I told the doc, too
- Opipram...

I am back in depression, but I will not take any meds no more.
Wish I had a partner.

What does he have?

- a job.
- colleagues who constantanly ask, can you help out, CAN YOU HELP OUT?...
- driving, like I had - my quality of life went up 90% since I could walk to work, driving is a pain here
- fear of loosing the job being 50+

What do we have?

- not much, but stress.

What am I supposed to do?
Burn out is gone. I am "just" depressed.

Yes.
I do know, and I will!
Start training again, go outside, power-walking, no matter how the weather is. Relate on yourself, only "you" are responsible, right.

Sorry, it had to go out. I mostly am a happy person.
People even think I am funny. My Niece once clapped her leg so hard, laughing, her lille Sis came over asking what´s so funny, and reckon I just told a real story, too.

Maybe mostly my life is good. Just not now.
And "now" is taking too long.



Oh, Henry...

Aren´t they cute?



Spot the feather? I try to be like one. Neighbours don´t. They stomp on my head.
Tried to ask Hubby if they do to him, too.
Door is closed now.

Mild depression grows.

Yes, 02: something a.m. again.
Woke up with a racing heart. Again.
By myself, long weekend, too...

Henry says:



We do :-(
And I am so stressed out, I would need someone at my side.
But reckon the job will not happen anyways. Why be there for me. I´m a looser.

Addendum: In Germany, and with "Corinna" now, too,it can take weeks and weeks till you hear about your job offer.
It´s me being without a partner, which hurts me badly. I refuse medication.
I did try and nearly lost it...

On the way to it´s full, yellow life the dandelion risks exactly that, it´s life.
OK, it uses us to make more "babies", but there is a promise!

Pick one.
Make a wish.
And...

... the German word is "Pusteblume" from pusten, to blow.

Take a very deep breath, form a wish... and then help the seedlings fly away, if naked after that the mother-flower grants you a wish!



You don´t need a wish (you can make one for others, too), the plant turns into a real dandelion.
And you can even eat it.

Have a wish? It´s the time of the year here, let me know!



Baby Henry is not so sure what he wants! ;-)

(To Mum, a flower I´m named after, a bit)