In the midst of intense mugging, I also wonder what it means for me to be cramming all these things last minute into my brain. This is no ordinary examination. We are going to become doctors. How does remembering something only for an exam reflect on the way I am learning to practice medicine? Not sure.

Anyway, enough emo shitz. SJ is going mad over making brad. Super awesome loaf over the weekend!

What was interesting about this conference was how impressed both of us were at the amount of passion that all the conference participants demonstrated towards education. We met doctors, educators, academics, researchers and psychologists, all meeting together in the name of educating a future generation. As medical students, all this talk was certainly mindblowing. People were investing tremendous amounts of time and money into developing teaching methods, simulators, analysing past errors and designing new constructs to better teach the junior medical faculty - the entire conference was about us! It was all very inspiring and humbling at the same time. I almost felt embarrassed each time as speakers shared about struggles they faced in the classroom. Oops, that sounds like me!

All my life I've always viewed teaching (in the classic classroom Teacher way) as a very noble calling. I always dreamt of becoming a teacher day, until the day I found how how bitchy students got when talking about their teacher's behind their backs. Taking on the title of an educator is no simple undertaking. Still, I hope to be able to be part of a teaching faculty in the future, but for now, I'll need to learn how to do so.

M5 is zooming by too quickly. In the midst of lots of stress, practicing and exams, I have realized the importance of encouragement, and tact. It is easy to be curt and selfish, make snide remarks - but altogether not realize it. At the end of a long day, an encouraging SMS and a cold beer makes all the difference. Thankful for people who ask after and pray for me. Praying for lots of sustenance and grace.

I recently met an M-zero, B, at a CMDF meeting a couple weeks back. He had finished 1 year of National Service, during which he had been accepted into a prestigious Law School in the UK. In this 1 year, he thought long and hard about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, knowing full well that signing up for medical school meant a lifelong career. Before he applied to medical school, he wrote himself a 5 page essay, detailing why he wanted to do Medicine, and making sure that he had been fully convinced, and more so convicted about his reasons for signing up. He was sure that he wanted to do something meaningful. Perhaps now is a good time for me to revisit my own convictions, to remember the heart of Medicine, and the heart of God.

Four years ago I was granted admission to a formalin filled room of people who had dedicated themselves to education beyond their lives; two years ago I was given the privilege to walk through hospital doors and ask strangers very personal questions about their bodies, families and lives; tomorrow, we will be given the liberty to make our first marks on official hospital documents, and in the process potentially save or harm someone. This journey has been so much discovery, like a child who stumbled into the realization that his feet were meant for walking.

Brace up, hang in there, enjoy the ride! Remember, every name stamp as a symbol of interest, pride and ownership. People's lives, nothing less.

I have come up with a list of things that I endeavour to adhere to from now till the end of M5/my medical career. I decided to come up with this list because I suspect that it will become increasingly difficult to achieve, and will require constant reminders, prods and scoldings. Everything on this list forms my convictions, beliefs, hopes (and also pet peeves), and I do not wish to compromise on any them, wittingly or not. I ask that you keep me in check, rebuke me should I forget, become jaded or give up on myself.

With love and gratitude,

G

* * *

1. I will always address the patient by his or her Name. I will try my best to remember their faces, names and stories. If I cannot remember I will write it down.

3. I will ensure that if I arrive too late by the bed side and find another batch of students who have arrived before me to examine the patient, I will ask the patient for permission to join and not try to sneak in as part of the group. I will wait for my turn in line and make sure that I go only after the earlier batch is finished.

4.I will be extremely vigilant in protecting patient confidentiality.

5. I will not be afraid to look stupid, but I will not tolerate being called lazy.

6. I will write in case notes legibly. My case file entry must be written and signed off with pride.

7. I will be polite to all nurses, housekeepers, porters, hospital staff and ask them for their names. I will try my best to remember their names.

8. I will collect a list of my patients whom I think would be willing to be examined and have good clinical findings and pass them on to the juniors. I will teach juniors if I am able to.

9. I will not lose my temper at or talk about other people behind their backs, even if I feel I have been wronged or short changed. I will tell them if I think they are not doing the right thing. I also hope they will tell me when I am not doing so either.

10. I will not wayang to gain favour (the exception being during exams).

11. I will be careful of what comes of of my mouth. I will not use swear words.

12. I will not skip church to study. I will continue to lead my cell group.

13. I will try to meet SJ 2-3 times a week. I will try to have dinner at home at least 3 times a week. I will eat healthily and not eat rubbish ie. Macs more than once a month.

14. I will not become depressed or dependent on caffeine. I will sleep when necessary.

15. I will try to pass the MBBS.