A wise (young) man had asked SJ and myself, about two weeks into becoming parents.

Have you discovered any biblical truths as parents?

I thought it an unusual question. After all, most of the questions that I was handling in that season of my life were things like Is she waking up every 2 hours? Are you breastfeeding? Are you eating enough nutritious food? 

I admittedly did not have a good answer, and gave a polite smile and some nondescript response. One year on, I might have better answers, and I discover and experience why God is made known to us as our Father. Always watching, always worrying, always praying might sum up my one year of motherhood.

Uninhibited laughter, warm hugs and slurppy kisses, balanced out with big tear drops, balukus, projectile vomitus and more laundry - all in a day's work. To every new mom who is going through the newborn phase where people are scaring you about hourly feeding, crying and sleep problems, I'd tell you that that is the easy part (hah). There are far greater challenges ahead than the above!

Happy birthday dear Zoe. We decided to buy you a cake after all :) (Too bad you couldn't eat it, ha)

30 June is always a special day. It's always the last day of posting, the night before start of a new posting, new roles and transitions. Two years ago I completed my PACES exam, and went on to start my ID posting. Last year on this day, I was finishing up my last posting in TTSH ED as a Medical Officer and entered ORD mode. Today, I am in another country, still in ORD mode and am watching my peers/juniors get promoted as I itch to do so as well #famouslastwords. One year older, one year wiser.

I was recently reading emo articles about parenting, and how children grow up too quickly. Zoe is already 7+ weeks and I'm amazed at how fast she's grown. My favorite time of the day is the 6AM feed when she's still semi-conscious and slowly groans to awaken after being fed to satisfaction. Having a milk-comatose baby in your arms as the soft early morning sun peaks through the window is just about the nicest feeling I've had in a while. Daddy soon wakes up and we have a good hour or so playing and making stupid videos to send to Grandma(s)/Pa back home. Looking back, this season of having Zoe all to ourselves has been a real treasure. On one hand, we haven't had help to care for a newborn. But on the other hand, we have had her all to ourselves, to cuddle and to love. We will soon need to share her with equally doting grandparents/family, which leaves me with mixed feelings about returning home! How weird.

Questions, questions. Has child bearing become so utilitarian that the government has to compensate parents who have lost their only child?


BEIJING • Madam Cui Wenlan was devastated when she heard the news last month that China was scrapping its one-child policy. She is among more than a million grieving Chinese parents who have lost the only child the government allowed them to have.

Madam Cui's son was 30 when he died after an illness and she had been forced to abort her second baby in 1985. Now she and her husband are adrift in a country where parents traditionally rely on their children to look after them in old age.

"If, back then, we had been allowed to give birth again, I wouldn't be in so much trouble and wouldn't be so lonely," said Madam Cui, 53, from the northern city of Zhangjiakou.


Madam Cui's story underscores the punitive nature of China's family planning policy, beyond the more well-known stories of forced abortions and sterilisations, and highlights the plight of an estimated million "shidu" families, or those who have lost their only child.

China, the world's most populous country with nearly 1.4 billion people, says the one-child policy has averted 400 million births since 1980, saving scarce food resources and helping to pull families out of poverty .

ONUS ON GOVERNMENT

At that time, we complied with the government's arrangement and were forced to abide by the one-child policy. Now that we have ended up in this situation, the government should be held accountable.

MADAM A. LI , who lost her only son in 2009 in a traffic accident, and whose bid for compensation over the death was futile
The policy, however, will be eased when the ruling Communist Party last month said it will allow all couples to have two children. But the timeframe for implementation is yet to be known.

Madam Cui's husband, Mr Gao Zhao, said the government of Zhangjiakou gives the couple 680 yuan (S$150) a month in compensation, an amount that falls far short of what is needed in a country where there is little in the way of welfare or health benefits.

"We are rural people and don't have much education," Mr Gao said.

"The state told us what to do and we followed."

Madam Cui said she could not get surgery after being injured in a car accident because she did not have a child to sign the agreement for surgery.

Madam A. Li (not her real name), a mother who lost her only son in 2009 in a traffic accident, told Radio Free Asia she has made five trips to Beijing to petition the National Health and Family Planning Commission for compensation after the death of her child. But her efforts have been futile.

"At that time, we complied with the government's arrangement and were forced to abide by the one-child policy. Now that we have ended up in this situation, the government should be held accountable," said the 53-year-old woman from Hangzhou in the eastern province of Zhejiang.

Mr Fan Guohui, 56, has also petitioned the government to support "shidu" parents financially and emotionally. His son died in a car accident in 2012.

Mr Fan's wife, Madam Zheng Qing, said the couple was "emotionally ruined".

"One-child families are walking a tightrope," Mr Fan said.

"Once you lose your child, you lose all hope."