Beyond blessed :)

Second baby shower! One that I was honestly surprised at. Turns out SJ was in the know as well (but couldn't be present as he had a make up class that day). The night before V messaged me to meet up with J slightly earlier to discuss some crisis she had been going through. Had thought it was a little odd but agreed nonetheless. Long story short, surprise! As with all party things, I am usually very socially awkward and paiseh the entire time so I tried my best to be as normal as possible. But I was sincerely touched at the effort and gifts that everyone showered upon me.

Had a slow week, starting off with a lazy Monday and was punished with pharyngitis on Tuesday. Had a pounding headache on Wednesday and was worried about preeclampsia all day, trying to judge if I had any facial or limb edema. Thankfully that subsided and all was good for gyming yesterday and today.

Spring is wonderful. With temperatures ranging in the teens, a light jacket and some sunshine lifts anyone's spirits. In the past week, I've taken to walking a little slower, breathing in a little deeper, wondering if some of the things I'm doing might be one of the "lasts". "Last time" I'll trip over to Jersey for some Cheesecake Factory fix, "last time" I'll be able to walk to Chinatown for morning dim sum, "last time" I'll be able to go for small group/bible study. Not sure where this sense of fatality came from, but I remember a vague sense of it before starting work in May 2012. Haha, a new cycle begins.

Things are set in place, and I guess I am kind of in a season of waiting. The past 4 months have gone by faster than I'd expected, and I spent the last week slowing down, treasuring those precious moments when the sun has risen and SJ is still asleep, just watching and being thankful for him. Treasuring also the luxury of being able to take a midday nap, have ice cream, drink coffee...I wonder what life will be like post May 2016. Who knows? (: God willing.

I would really like to eat a sashimi buffet, drink a pint of beer and sleep on my back without feeling guilty.

D:

Hitting full term next week, so I thought I should bid the necessary farewells lest the unexpected happen before the EDD. Brought a cake and some gifts to the Salvation Army yesterday to thank the wonderful people there, but was instead surprised with a baby shower! As with all such parties, I am usually very paiseh and socially awkward, but thankful to be blessed by this bunch of people whom I have been inspired by in the past year. Ed the man was not around because he had been ill so it was such a pity!

31 days :O

Lieutenant with Elessandra

Cake made by the Lieutenant. Funny pacifiers and stuff on it!

Always amazed at how adaptable some people are to change. On a scale of 1 to 10, I think my adaptability lies somewhere about 3-4. I dislike change. I enjoy the routine, and will gladly accept the mundane. There is safety, comfort and peace in being able to anticipate what comes next, and being able to prepare for it.Once in a while my inner sky-diver accepts the challenge on a whim, and says okay to something like moving halfway across the world. Just once in a while.

Which makes me wonder why I am feeling this way towards M. Rationally I can understand M's decision, but somehow emotionally there is still that feeling of abandonment...and the scary R word.

I slept poorly last night. Not sure if it was like the weird pressure on my abdomen or just thoughts about the future. Nonetheless, I woke up to news of SJ's class being cancelled which meant a morning stroll to La Colombe and Bagel Bob's for breakfast! On my tri-weekly stroll to the gym at 404 Lafayette I always walk past La Colombe and wish I could have an iced latte. But that is usually just wishful thinking because at 5PM, seriously, who drinks iced latte. So yay to today!

Only recently have I hopped onto the bagel bandwagon and discovered how amazingly chewy bagels are. Plus the insanely fattening cream cheese atop a freshly toasted bagel...oo la la. Can't quite believe it took me like 8 months to make this startling discovery. And only because I had a free bagel at one of SJ's NYC runs.


Moving into this "last phase" of NYC, there is some sense of bittersweetness (oh the cliche). I'm sort of taking time to breathe in the last breaths of the marijuana filled smog of the city and also enjoy the friendships that we've made here. SJ recently remarked that we have done well in co-existing in a small space. In the past year we've had minimal me-time given that I'm around most of the time and if he's not in school then he's home studying. Social activities are always done together and I'm thankful that we've survived well (for now). Hadn't thought about how this year would have changed our marriage and I'm glad that we're on the made-it rather than break-it end of the spectrum. :)

Ok, I had to truncate writing this post because I was off to the Salvation Army for lunch service. 6 weeks to go, fingers crossed :x

Looking chill after the half marathon in 8C weather

At the 5K mark running the 10K Spring Fling

Since being grounded after 28 weeks, we decided to book a bus to Philly for our last out-of-NYC trip (well I guess Jersey doesn't really count) during Spring break. My first time there was a hit-and-run visit with the Step 2 CS exam so not much exploring there. Spent this trip discovering the historicity of the state and lots of monumental events that took place there! We were cursed with bad weather though, so I'd remember walking 3 hours on a walking tour in a gloomy not-so-light drizzle.

Independence Hall

Eastern State Penitentiary

Penn Medicine, the first chartered OT in the US

Pine Hall, Penn Medicine

TandyKake!

Questions, questions. Has child bearing become so utilitarian that the government has to compensate parents who have lost their only child?


BEIJING • Madam Cui Wenlan was devastated when she heard the news last month that China was scrapping its one-child policy. She is among more than a million grieving Chinese parents who have lost the only child the government allowed them to have.

Madam Cui's son was 30 when he died after an illness and she had been forced to abort her second baby in 1985. Now she and her husband are adrift in a country where parents traditionally rely on their children to look after them in old age.

"If, back then, we had been allowed to give birth again, I wouldn't be in so much trouble and wouldn't be so lonely," said Madam Cui, 53, from the northern city of Zhangjiakou.


Madam Cui's story underscores the punitive nature of China's family planning policy, beyond the more well-known stories of forced abortions and sterilisations, and highlights the plight of an estimated million "shidu" families, or those who have lost their only child.

China, the world's most populous country with nearly 1.4 billion people, says the one-child policy has averted 400 million births since 1980, saving scarce food resources and helping to pull families out of poverty .

ONUS ON GOVERNMENT

At that time, we complied with the government's arrangement and were forced to abide by the one-child policy. Now that we have ended up in this situation, the government should be held accountable.

MADAM A. LI , who lost her only son in 2009 in a traffic accident, and whose bid for compensation over the death was futile
The policy, however, will be eased when the ruling Communist Party last month said it will allow all couples to have two children. But the timeframe for implementation is yet to be known.

Madam Cui's husband, Mr Gao Zhao, said the government of Zhangjiakou gives the couple 680 yuan (S$150) a month in compensation, an amount that falls far short of what is needed in a country where there is little in the way of welfare or health benefits.

"We are rural people and don't have much education," Mr Gao said.

"The state told us what to do and we followed."

Madam Cui said she could not get surgery after being injured in a car accident because she did not have a child to sign the agreement for surgery.

Madam A. Li (not her real name), a mother who lost her only son in 2009 in a traffic accident, told Radio Free Asia she has made five trips to Beijing to petition the National Health and Family Planning Commission for compensation after the death of her child. But her efforts have been futile.

"At that time, we complied with the government's arrangement and were forced to abide by the one-child policy. Now that we have ended up in this situation, the government should be held accountable," said the 53-year-old woman from Hangzhou in the eastern province of Zhejiang.

Mr Fan Guohui, 56, has also petitioned the government to support "shidu" parents financially and emotionally. His son died in a car accident in 2012.

Mr Fan's wife, Madam Zheng Qing, said the couple was "emotionally ruined".

"One-child families are walking a tightrope," Mr Fan said.

"Once you lose your child, you lose all hope."

I've had these thoughts for a long time.

I always wonder how people are so confident to say, "I will have 3 children", "I will have my first child by 30", or "I want my child to become an XYZ". Perhaps it is an occupational hazard, but pregnancy is probably one of the most unpredictable processes in a woman's body. Sperm + egg = baby, sounds easy enough. But there in between lies about another 42398309182 different steps for a human to be formed. Any error in one of these steps results in miscarriage, birth defects, life threatening conditions to the mother, and everlasting consequences that show up maybe only years down the road. How women bear with vomiting 40 times a day in "sacrifice" for the growing child baffles me - I mean, a pregnancy like this literally has become a disease that is causing suffering. The growing foetus literally is a parasitic growth in one's body.

And worst still, it doesn't even stop at childbirth. A perfect pregnancy followed by a difficult labour may result in cerebral asphyxiation and cerebral palsy, shoulder dystocia, or even subtle medical conditions that are only detected several years after birth. Then there is the uncertainly of intelligence, social quotient, morality of the human that one brings to life. Sigh, parenting.

As such, it is truly a miracle that I am sitting here typing this because cells in my mother were fearfully and wonderfully made, and it is certainly by no chance that it was made randomly.

So to all my pregnant or potentially pregnant friends, it truly is a gift. And may life, God willing, grant you a healthy and wonderful child. I would cautiously report it as maybe, baby.