Here I am at the edge

Writing is a one-way street for me. When I began, over 11 years ago, I thought I wrote my short stories to be read, but now I realize what a one-way street writing is. I can spend hours, or days if I get into a story, writing page after page for you to read, and what is there in it for me? Zero Zilch Nothing Nada Noll That is correct, my only reward is you reading, for FREE, my work. In all the time I was blogging, I can say that few if any, blogs lead to sales of my e-books. The Bible may tell you it is better to give than receive, but some recompense for my time would have been nice.

I am just a lonely blogger now. Along time ago, I gave up my dream of being a published author; that is why I became a self-published writer .  After more than a decade of attempting to get a publisher to take an interest in my writing ability, I have only achieved one thing, that is to enforce my original thoughts of the time I began this journey. To succeed, you need money, of which I have none to spare for publicity.

If I felt appreciated I would continue In these days when I struggle to write, I find it hard to believe that I once wrote 10,000 words a week for several months. True, it did take its toll as my friends were worried I was going to have a breakdown as I couldn't go two days without writing. THE WALL How things changed three years ago when I realized no matter what I did, I was unable to force sales for my stories. The early days of my struggle were hard, but the longer I went on, the easier it became not to write. For years I was plagued by a multitude of ideas, to the extent, they stopped me from sleeping.  It was at this point I decided to mentally block the thoughts, a process I have now mastered, not that sleep is easier to come by.

WHY? Why did I return to #writing ? My writing was never about the money to me, after all beyond my #scifi  series Forgestriker  nothing has sold. To me, a sale is a sign of appreciation for the time invested, I only make $0.60 cents per #ebook .  The main reason I returned is that I needed a release for the build up of stress in my life over the last two months, it isn't only the fire that created the tension there are other issues involved.

I sit in my chair, writing these blogs for you to read, and the constant thoughts running through my mind are - Does it matter what I write? People will read almost anything as long as it's free. I accepted many things this year; some are good while others are not.  I came to accept that while I may be a good writer - I must be good, the blog gets over 350 readers a day - people are unwilling to buy my e-books. This proves my earlier thought that people will read this as long as it's free.  I am trying to regain the confidence I once had with my writing ability. This will be a long and perilous road, always in the back of my mind are the recent failings - perhaps they'll make my writing sharper and more intense; something that was shown with the interest in my recent excerpt from a new story. Again, this proves nothing to me, I had lots of interest in Chronicles of Mark Johnson , and people asking when A Sailor's Love was going to be published - only for both b...

When a thrill turns to a chill Dolly Varden One of the first groups I got to sign a cd was Dolly Varden , I mention this because one of their song titles tells how I feel tonight - The thing you love is killing you  - that is true. I loved writing, but things have changed a lot in the last five years.  The art  While a lot of people still think I have a lot to give, and the best times are in front of me if I hold on. Sadly, keeping the faith has become too hard for me to maintain.  The business end   For a long time now, I realised I am fighting a losing battle and it pains me at times. I can't afford publicity, nice covers and I can't do book signings. I'm trying to compete in the major league with at best a Triple-A  pitcher. In the past  I would never have considered doing what I am doing now; it has been several months since I last did some serious writing. In the past, going a few days would have put me on edge, but now, ...